On the run
by Puff614
Summary: Brittany S Pierce witnessed something that she really wished she hadn't by someone she thought she had loved and trusted. She's been on the run ever since. Contains mild violence and bad language. It is also G!P Santana so if you don't like that sort of thing then please don't read it.
1. Prologue

On the Run

Rated: M for language and violence

Warnings: Contains violence and bad language. It is also G!P Santana so if you don't like that sort of thing then please don't read it.

Summary: Brittany S Pierce witnessed something that she really wished she hadn't by someone she thought she had loved and trusted. She's been on the run ever since.

Author Note: This is a repost and continuation of this story. I am hoping posting it will be motivation to write more. I plan to repost one chapter a day until I am up to date again. Enjoy!

Prologue

It was stupid.

I was stupid.

I was just so excited that I didn't listen, and I couldn't wait. I just had to find Santana and tell her right away. I was sure she would be just as excited as I was. Maybe even more.

I should have waited.

I should have noticed the extra people about downstairs with all of their grim expressions. Yes they were always pretty grim. And yes, most of the time they clutched their pieces as though their lives depended on it. And by pieces I mean guns, not you know anything else in case you were thinking that. And maybe their life did depend on it. The Lopez's weren't going to forgive a mistake like an intruder managing to get close to them. They were after all the rulers of Vegas and shit like that was not acceptable.

God I'm going to have to explain that too aren't I?

The Lopez family ruled Las Vegas. In fact they pretty much owned Nevada. When Santana Lopez, the only daughter of Raul "The Doctor" Lopez turned eighteen, she was given Reno to look over. The police would look the other way if the Lopez's were involved in anything; they were scared of them. They had every right to be as well, as I'd heard cops went missing if they looked too closely into the family business. And God the Lopez's had quite the family business. Drugs, gambling, guns, you name it they had a hand in it. Nothing went down in Vegas without the Lopez's knowing. And later on nothing went down in Reno without the knowledge of Santana Lopez.

You're probably wondering how a girl like me got mixed up in all of this?

God I wish I knew how.

I guess if you want the quick answer it was because I was stupid and fell in love. Like crazy head over heels in love.

I don't know how I caught Santana Lopez's attention. One second I was dancing in the Red Pagoda like I had every night since I was sixteen and my parents had kicked me out of the house, forcing me to do the only thing I was ever any good at. Dance. Of course you can't make a living at sixteen dancing with your clothes on so I did what I had to do to live. The next second I was giving a lap dance to the second most powerful person in Vegas, and staring into the most beautiful chocolate brown eyes I had ever seen.

I was seventeen, and she was eighteen. Of course they thought I was nineteen at the club as I had been forced to lie about my age to get the job in the first place.

I didn't know at the time that she had chosen me as her birthday present out of all the other dancers. I should have felt flattered but mostly I just felt scared. I could feel my hands shaking where they rested on her shoulders as she stared back at me with a cocky smile on her gorgeous face.

She told me later that she had been nervous as well, but it hadn't showed when she had licked up the side of my neck causing my hands to shake a little more. And had looked even less nervous when she had grabbed my hips and ground me down onto her lap making my eyes widen in shock at what I felt there. One of her dark eyebrows rose in a silent question at me, and I wasn't sure what she wanted so I had ground down into her once more. It was obviously the right answer because she had quickly stood up, grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the club getting several wolf whistles, and a pat on the back by a man I later discovered was her father.

Before we stepped out onto the sidewalk Santana had slid off her black leather jacket and draped it around my shoulders. The gesture was strangely comforting even though I wasn't sure what the hell was actually happening.

I was a stripper for Gods sake. I could maybe live with taking my clothes off for money. There's a big step, or more like a giant fucking leap between a stripper and a hooker.

I did not have sex for money.

Yet here I was getting pushed into a limousine with a completely gorgeous girl. One that I could feel literally the power and authority flowing from, and I knew I was in trouble.

The car stopped at what I can only describe as a fucking mansion. This place was huge. People bowed at Santana as she passed, making sure to get out of her way as much as possible.

The room we ended up in was large. No surprise considering the place we had just walked through. A huge bed dominated the room and it made it pretty frickin' clear what was going to happen next. Still I was surprised when she slipped her jacket off my shoulders and let it drop to the floor. "We don't need that any more." She said, her voice was all husky and sexy sounding as hell, and she ran a single finger down the side of my face. "You're so beautiful." Her voice sounded choked, and I could see her face blush even with her Latina skin tone. The finger continued to make a trail down the column of my neck, continuing unhindered between my breasts and down my abdomen, until it toyed with the tiny strap of my g-string.

I could feel my heart pounding against my ribs.

What the hell was going on?

What was she doing to me?

No one had ever touched me like this before. It was so gentle and sure at the same time.

The finger dipped underneath the fabric and I gasped. As it continued to journey even lower she gasped, and I watched as her eyes widened in surprise before narrowing and having that cocky look appear once more.

"Tell me your name." It wasn't a question, and I had no idea how I was going to answer when her finger continued to gently trace itself against me.

I couldn't believe this was happening.

When I didn't say anything she moved her finger even lower and pushed it inside of me causing me to gasp in surprise once more.

No one had ever touched me like this and the feelings were overwhelming. I couldn't decide if I wanted to step closer or further away from the torturing touch. It was just still one single finger thrusting ever so gently in and out of me.

"Your name?" This time the demand sounded more like a plea and I could hear her breathing had sped up as the warmth of it brushed against the side of my neck ruffling my blonde hair. She turned her head slightly into my neck and pressed a gentle kiss to my heated skin.

"Brittany." I gasped again as the soft kiss was followed up by a gentle bite of her teeth into my skin marking me as hers.

I could feel my knees start to buckle and wondered how I was still even standing in this strangers bedroom right now, how on earth were my legs holding me up? Have you ever felt like that?

But the feelings only intensified as she brushed her thumb against me and I saw white flashes behind my eyes. I wasn't even sure when I had closed them.

"Fuck Brittany, you are so beautiful. So fucking beautiful." She murmured into my ear as her thumb continued to brush against me, and now I was in serious danger of collapsing into the carpet.

Thankfully that was the moment that her finger pulled out from inside me, although I think I groaned in protest over the lack of contact, before squeaking in surprise as deceptively strong arms swept me up into them, carried me the ten or so steps to the bed and gently laid me down on the cool black satin sheet.

Our eyes met and held for a second, hers went a shade even darker. And then my jaw went slack as she slowly peeled off the black tank top she was wearing. Holy shit with breasts like that she should be a stripper. I could tell my reaction pleased her as she smiled at me for a second or so before a strange look that might have been nerves appeared on her face. Ever so slowly I watched as her hands reached for her black leather belt and at what felt like a glacial pace she slowly removed it. Then her fingers unbuttoned her black denim jeans, each button made my heart beat a little faster, and my mouth feel a little drier.

Fuck I know why people pay to see someone strip now, it was the anticipation that felt so damn good.

My eyes found hers again and I watched as she gave me a wry smile before tucking her thumbs into her jeans and shucking that material away.

Holy fuck.

Well that certainly explained what I felt when I was grinding into her earlier.

Santana Lopez is the rather proud owner of a penis. A penis that was standing up begging for attention and looking rather proud itself.

Fuck.

I must have stared for too long because all of a sudden I saw a look of disappointment cross Santana's eyes. She was just reaching down to pull her jeans up once more when I finally found my voice.

"Stop." I said quietly and reached for her hands.

Immediately she looked at me. The look on my face must have now been ok because that cocky grin came back again, and I heard her kick her jeans off, and watched as she crawled on the bed. Settling herself between my legs I felt her fingers slowly start to play with the single strap of my g-string once more.

I was just thinking how damn good all of this felt when she leant forward and without any warning sucked one of my nipples between her lips. I had no control over how much my body arched into her touch, and even less over the sigh that left my lips. When she groaned and switched to the other nipple my fingers threaded their way into her long dark hair and gripped it lightly.

So good.

It all felt so damn good.

I almost forgot about her fingers until I felt her slowly slide my underwear down my thighs. The touch of her nails gently dragging down my skin made me arch my pelvis uncontrollably up towards her seeking something that I at the time had no idea what it was.

"So fucking sexy." Santana mumbled as her lips trailed kisses down my abdomen, my hands still tangled in her hair forcing her head tighter against me. Wanting more pressure. Needing more pressure. Needing her.

"Holy shit." I gasped as her lips found their way to my center placing gentle kisses against where I didn't even know I needed them.

I heard her chuckle, before she moaned as her tongue swiped against me. "So good." She groaned as I thrust up against the contact.

A felt a pressure build up in my gut. This was so good. So unbearably good. When her mouth pulled away from me I groaned and tried to force her to continue what she had started inside me. But she just chuckled and placed delicate butterfly kisses on the inside of my thighs, and interspersed tiny flicks of her tongue with them that I had no idea when they were coming. My thighs were tense, braced for each touch of her. But each touch was so damn delicate and soft that although it felt good. So fucking good. I started to panic that this was all it would be and I couldn't take it.

"P-please." I begged my voice coming out in a stutter I was so undone.

I think I screamed when she finally took pity on me, took me between her lips and started to suck. I know when the pressure burst inside me I definitely did scream, and then I saw flashes of light before everything went black.

"Holy shit Brittany, are you ok?" A soft voice murmured into my ear as I gained awareness of my surroundings once more.

"Mmm." I sighed happily, and smiled when I heard the laugh this comment produced.

"Fuck babe that was the hottest thing I have ever seen." Santana whispered placing a hot open mouth kiss on my neck before sucking lightly, and I'm sure leaving another mark.

I felt her rub against my thigh. The feel of her body pressing down against me bought me back to instant awareness and I moaned when her hips shifted just a fraction so that she rubbed me in just the right place.

"Oh fuck." She gasped and I felt her body tremble against me. "God Brittany you feel so good." She said rocking against me once more.

I wasn't really sure what to do next. I knew I wanted her to feel good though and I think some sort of instinct took over as I reached down and gently took her in my hand. The sound of her gasp bought a smile to my lips and I looked up at her face hovering above me.

"Are you sure?" She asked, and I wasn't really. But I knew she wouldn't hurt me, not like this anyway. Not now. So I nodded my head and smiled wider.

There was a few seconds of readjustment on both of our parts and then we were looking at each other as she slowly slid into me.

"Oh fuck." She said her brown eyes screwing up closed as she took a deep breath and pressed even deeper.

I tensed, as there was a brief flash of pain causing her eyes to open wide and stare at me in understanding. "Oh Britt." She said softly and placed a gentle kiss on my lips, and rested her forehead against mine. Pausing she let me adjust to the feel of her inside me. It didn't take long before I couldn't take the stillness against me; I needed to feel her move. I gave a small experimental thrust of my hips and groaned at the sensation.

Soon I was rising up to meet her downward thrusts. My legs had naturally wrapped themselves around her waist holding her tight and my hands had found their way to her ass so that I could pull her even more into me. Our bodies were coated with a thin sheen of sweat, and everything felt fucking wonderful. I could feel the pressure that was growing inside me was close to the breaking point again, and I wanted to take the jump with her. I scraped my nails up her back until I gripped her shoulders and she gasped rolling her hips harder into mine. I could feel myself gripping her tighter and tighter, making it harder for her to thrust into me, and I didn't want to break without her so I closed my eyes tightly and fought against the release. I think I was gasping with every fresh roll of her hips into mine, and I could feel my legs around her waist start to tremble.

Oh fuck it was coming and I had no way of stopping it. It felt so damn good I wasn't even sure why I wanted to stop it.

I heard her voice by my ear hoarsely call out my name in a half shout, half scream, and felt her tense inside me just a second before my world imploded and I came with a scream.

When I finally found the strength to open my eyes I stared up into rich dark brown eyes that were just barely holding back tears above me. The look lasted before that fucking cocky grin spread over her face once more and she said. "Next time if you could scream my name. Santana. I think it could be even better. Although that might be the only thing that could make it better; because that was fucking fantastic."

And I think it was that moment that I fell in love with her.

We had been together almost two years before I had that stupid moment. I had never worked another day as a stripper in my life. And only one person had been foolish enough to call me a whore within Santana's earshot. I don't know what had happened to him but she had given me a gentle kiss on my cheek before she had strode in his direction and grabbed him by the front of his shirt before tugging him out of sight. I never did see him again.

Anyway I was just on my way to see Santana and share with her what I had hoped was the most awesome-ist news ever. I was standing outside the door debating on how would be the best way to burst in and tell her exactly (as she had told me she didn't like to be disturbed when she was working), when I heard raised voices from inside the room.

"No Papa, please." That was Santana's voice so Mr. Lopez must be inside.

"You've become soft Santana. He can't get away with this, and it must be dealt with."

"But she loves her. Sir." That was Finn Hudson's voice. One of Santana's two bodyguards assigned to protect her.

"Loves her?" Raul Lopez said and I heard a sound like a hard slap followed by a cry follow the question. "Is that right?"

"Yes Papa." I heard Santana's voice and it sounded like she was crying now.

My hand gripped the door handle but didn't open it.

"She should never have been allowed to get this close for this long. I blame you for that Mr. Hudson."

"I take full responsibility sir." Finn said.

"Good." Raul Lopez said and then I heard it. The sound of a gunshot and what could only have been a body hitting the floor.

My hand let go of the door handle and immediately covered my mouth to try and hold in my cry. Had Raul just shot Finn or Santana? I pressed myself closer to make out any words.

For a while all I could make out were the muffled sounds of tears until Raul spoke again. "See daughter." I breathed a sigh of relief over the fact that Santana was safe. "This is what happens when love makes you soft. It makes you vulnerable and open to attack. It is my only desire and wish to keep you safe and away from all of that. To never allow anyone to make you weak, and I will kill again to do it if I have to."

With that threat I had heard enough. I quickly moved away from where I was pressed to the door and hurried back to the bedroom I shared with Santana. I knew what I had to do, even as tears blurred my eyes, and quickly threw some clothes into a duffle bag, money, toiletries and other necessities followed. When it was zipped closed I spent a few seconds twirling the simple gold band that Santana had given me for my birthday last year. For maybe a second I contemplated taking it off and leaving it for her, but just couldn't bear to slide it from my finger. Instead I quickly scribbled three words on a sheet of heavy cream writing paper, folded it in half, wrote her name on the front, and placed it on her side table.

Then without wasting anymore time I quickly left the room and didn't look back. In the garage I took the black Audi A4 you had presented me with at our one month anniversary, laughing over the shocked expression on my face, before I laughed at you when I said I couldn't even drive. I knew I would have to part with it soon as it would be too easy to find me with it, and I had to disappear.

I had to never see you again.

I blinked away tears as I threw my bag in the trunk, started the car, keyed the garage open and carefully drove away. About five minutes away from the house I had to pull over to the side of the road, I couldn't see through all my tears. Where could I go that I would be safe from Raul Lopez and inevitably from your wrath? Anywhere in Nevada was out, and California was still too close to your families reach. So instead of going west I headed east, hoping to find somewhere safe one day. Somewhere where you or your father would never find me. Somewhere where I could attempt the impossible and try to forget you, try to stop loving you.

Ok that really might be impossible, but I had to try.


	2. Chapter 1

On the Run

Rated: M for language and violence

Warnings: Contains mild violence and bad language.

Summary: Brittany S Pierce witnessed something that she really wished she hadn't by someone she thought she had loved and trusted. She's been on the run ever since.

Authors Note: Wow you guys are just awesome! Thank you so much for the alerts, reviews and PM's. I got back to all of you unless you were anon and if you were then I just want to say thanks for taking the time to review.

Chapter 1

It's been two years, six months, one week and four days since I walked out on Santana Lopez, and began my life on the run from the Lopez family. I currently reside in Lima, Ohio. I say currently because this is my fifth place since I left Reno, Nevada.

I avoided Arizona like the plague, not because it was so close to her, but because that's where my parents live, and simply being in the same state as them is just too fucking close for comfort.

So instead I started in Douglas, Wyoming which is where I made someone's day by switching my beautiful shiny Audi A4 for their beat up Volkswagen Jetta. Even switching the car I only made it a few months before I saw someone I recognized one day. I was out of there an hour later hoping they hadn't even seen me, and on my way to Columbus, Nebraska hoping that this time a bigger city and more miles would protect me.

It did, for a while.

Then one day a guy asked me with a wink if I'd ever been to Vegas. It shocked me so much that I ran again. Mountain Grove, Missouri was small but so remote that I felt isolated and scared all the time. Louisville, Kentucky gave me the creeps when some guy tried to hit on me at work and then wouldn't leave me alone, fucking stalker. And so that's how I ended up in Lima, Ohio. Ok so the Jetta broke down and I didn't have the money to fix it. Either way I've lived in the town for almost eighteen months now. It's the longest I've lived in one place for a while, but my life needs a bit more stability now.

My son needs that stability.

Yeah. I know.

I thought Santana would be so excited to find out that I was pregnant. We hadn't really ever discussed children, and most of the time we were careful. But sometime the heat of the moment just made the idea of protection slip both of our minds, and back then I didn't actually fully comprehend that I would need protection from Santana in any form.

Obviously I was wrong on several counts.

Not that for one second I would give up my son, Cody Benito Pierce.

He is the light of my life. He really is a blessing, and at almost two years old he's quite the ball of energy. He looks so much like Santana that sometimes just looking at him makes my heart hurt and I have to sit down so that I can even breathe.

It hasn't been easy.

That's probably really fucking obvious because lets face it I'm an ex-stripper who was pregnant at nineteen, and with absolutely no education to speak of. I know what I wouldn't do for money. What I would do was work hard for anyone kind enough to hire me. Right now I work at a café unoriginally, or rather funnily named (you decide) The Lima Bean.

I work five days a week for about eight hours a day. Most of what I earn goes towards rent. I lucked out with childcare though, as my roommate Quinn Fabray is kind enough to look after Cody when I am at work as long as I look after her daughter Beth when I'm home.

Sweet.

Beth is a few years older, and Quinn is around the same age as me. Other than Santana she's the best friend I have ever had. That being said I haven't talked to Quinn about Santana.

It's not that I don't trust Quinn. I trust her more than I trust anyone else right now in my life. It's just how the hell do you explain something like that without coming across as crazy? Yeah back when I was a stripper in Vegas, the daughter of the largest mob boss in town decided she wanted me, so we fucked, a lot, and I fell in love with her. Then one day she got me pregnant, oh sorry did I forget to say she has a penis? And then her father, who is a hardcore badass might I add, basically threatened to kill me so I've been running since then. Another coffee? Yeah right! So I think she just thinks that Cody has a regular sort of loser dad like Beth.

Two o'clock and thank god it's time to go home. I'm always glad to work the morning shift and get to leave before all the high School students come in. High School was not a shinning time of for me after getting outed early on for being bisexual. My semi-sort-of-girlfriend decided after kissing me one day and getting caught by her best friend, that I was "making her gay" so told the whole school I was one of those kinds of people. The kind that later on got shoved into lockers and beat up, well until my parents found out about the rumors and asked me if they were true.

"_Brittany Susan Pierce, don't you dare tell me that you're one of those fags." My father shouted at me._

_We were all stood in the living room. My parents had been waiting for me when I returned home from school. They were never there when I return from school so I should have suspected something._

_Maybe if I wasn't so fucking stupid I could have put two and two together. But no, I just let them sit me down half expecting the talk to be one of the recurring ones I was subjected to about my "god awful" grades, and why I couldn't be more like my little sister Lydia who attended private school and was a fucking genius._

"_No daddy a fag is a boy that likes boys." I'd tried to naively explain. I got a slap to the face for my trouble that made my eyes water and my lower lip tremble._

_I wish I could say that, that was the first time they had ever hit me, but I try not to lie._

"_Do you like girls?" My mother had shouted._

_By now I was too afraid to speak in case I got hit again, so I just nodded._

_There was a second of silence before the raised voices and hateful comments started up. Not long at all. And then I was grabbing as much as I could in the five minutes my parents had given me to "Get your shit together and get the hell out of this house." They got a few more good hits in on my way out of the door but then I was off and running, and not looking back. _

_Looking back never did anyone any good._

I only lived three blocks from The Lima Bean, and knew that if I really had to I could be home, packed and out of town in under thirty minutes. For the first few months that I had lived in Lima, I had practiced every few weeks just to feel safe. However as time wore on I didn't panic as bad, maybe I was even a little complacent now instead.

Today I took my time walking home, not because I didn't want to spend time with my wonderful son, but because his three year old birthday was coming up in a couple of months and I had no idea what to get him. Today was one of those rare Ohio spring days when the weather was perfect and the trees were starting to blossom, helping us forget what an awful snowy winter it had been. So I made the most of it and decided to do some window-shopping to look for ideas of what Cody might like, and what I could afford.

I wasn't really paying attention to where I was going and plowed right into another person. "Ouch. Shit I'm sorry." I said apologizing before I even looked up at them. When I did I came face to face with Mike Chang.

"Hi Brittany." Mike said smiling at me and running his hand through his short dark hair.

I smiled back. I knew Mike from The First Step dance school; I took Cody to a mommy and me class there every Wednesday afternoons and it was a blast. "Hi Mike." I wasn't sure what else to do and started to feel nervous. When I'm nervous I twist the gold ring I still wear on my finger. Trying to break myself of that habit I stuffed my hands into the pale blue jeans I was wearing instead.

"Where's Cody?" Mike asked and I could feel him trying to make conversation. It was awkward and stilted even though I liked Mike well enough.

"Oh he's with Quinn. I'm just on my way home." I wished that today I didn't have my hair up in a ponytail so that I would have something to hide behind.

Mike's next words made my mouth almost drop open they were so unexpected. "So you don't have time to go out for a drink?" He asked.

"Uh." Yeah that was my response. Awesome. I couldn't help it, I found myself anxiously twisting my ring on my finger, not even sure when I had pulled my hands out of my pockets to do it.

"Uh, not as a date sort of drink." Mike blurted out, and immediately I frowned at the words. Not that I wanted it to be a date sort of thing. At all. Just then what the hell was it?

"Uh." I managed to say again, and could feel a blush heating up my face. "I really should go home to Cody."

"Can we meet sometime though Brittany? I really have something I'd like to talk to you about." Mike persisted.

Ok now I was curious. He seemed genuine enough, and I had never got a creeper vibe from him in class. "Sure. Uh this time tomorrow ok?"

"That would be great. I can come by The Bean if that would be easier for you?" He offered.

"Sure." I nodded. "See you then." And with a little nervous wave I left and walked slightly faster than normal home.

Unlocking the door to the apartment I shared with Quinn I was immediately barreled into by my tiny son. His dark hair was sticking straight up on his head; obviously he had just woken up from a nap. "Mommy!" He said loudly, giggling uncontrollably when I swung him up in my arms, and turned him around in a big circle.

"I missed you baby." I said placing a kiss on Cody's forehead, and balancing him on my hip we made our way towards the small kitchen area. "Do you want a snack handsome?" I asked as I sat him down at the table opposite where Quinn and Beth sat. He nodded and showed off his slightly gappy smile, having lost a tooth a few weeks ago. I pressed another kiss to his forehead and made a quick attempt to smooth out his ruffled hair.

God he's just so perfect.

"Hey Quinn." I said walking around the table and placing a kiss on her surprised forehead too making Cody giggle and clap his hands in glee. "Hey Beth." Another kiss and even more laughter, this time with Beth and Quinn joining in. "How was the morning?" I address Quinn as I start assembling a snack for my son and Beth.

"Good. We watched a few cartoons, and then went to the park for a little bit to play. Cody had a good nap and has only been up for about thirty minutes." Quinn said as I poured a sippy cup of milk and put it down in front of Cody and a regular cup of milk in front of Beth. Then I placed some goldfish crackers on two plates and cut an apple up into bite-sized pieces, and put them next to the milk cups on the table. Finally I poured two tall glasses of chilled water, and two small bowls of the cheesy goldfish snack and set them down one by Quinn who smiled her thanks, and the other for me. I sank into my seat with a grateful sigh, happy to be off my feet for the next few minutes for the first time in hours.

We ate our snacks in silence for a few minutes. I was just content to soak in my son's presence, my eyes drifting to him constantly. Right now he was happily munching the heads off all of the goldfish crackers. The way he played with his food was something that reminded me so much of Santana, and her behavior at any fancy dinner we were forced to attend.

"_Please San." I whispered trying to stop her hand from sliding even further up my thigh. "Someone will see."_

"_I want everyone to see that you're mine." Santana said huskily as she leant closer to me and pressed an open mouth kiss to my neck._

"_Fuck." I gasped as the kiss was followed up by a swipe of her tongue. "You're not playing fair." _

"_You said I could play after I ate my food." Santana chuckled as her hand crept further up my thigh until it cupped my center. The split in the dress I was wearing tonight went all the way up to my waist, and Santana was obviously determined to follow the whole thing. _

_I took a quick glance at Santana's plate and stifled my laugh. She had taken a small bite out of every single item on her plate. Even the sliced orange garnish had a small piece removed. Then they had been arranged to form a smiley face. Sometimes I couldn't believe she was older than me because I felt more grown up._

_A promise is a promise though, and I was prepared to stick to it._

_I slid my hand down until it covered hers and leant what I hoped was slightly subtlety towards her seat. "Ok darling yes you did. Let's go play." And with that I slid my chair back from the large banquet table, stood up, and left the ballroom, with only a few people turning to look at me. I had barely made my way out of the room before Santana caught up with me and grabbed my hand._

"_Come with me." _

_We found an empty room on the second floor after having to stop for several kisses that had left me feeling breathless, and the door was only just closed before I found myself pressed against it. Santana grabbed my right knee pulling my leg up around her hip. When she was satisfied my leg would stay there her hand quickly found my center once more, and with one violent twist of her hand I felt my underwear ripped away, and then her fingers were on me._

"_Fuck Brittany, you're so wet." Santana gasped as she bite the side of my neck. _

_One of her fingers entered me, and my head fell back against the wooden door. _

"_Shit. Santana. Please." I sighed. My hands quickly undoing her belt fumbling in my haste until she brushed my hands aside and quickly took over. _

_My eyes met hers and she placed a gentle kiss on my lips before murmuring into my ear, "Are you sure?"_

_I nodded frantically as she nudged my legs further apart._

_Yes I was ready._

_So fucking ready._

_Or so I thought._

_The first thrust lifted me up onto my toes and caused all my breath to leave my lungs in a hiss. _

_How could I be so fucking close already?_

_By the second thrust she had pulled one of my legs back up to her waist, somehow the effect it had was to make this so much deeper, and intense. Which is saying a lot because it was already deeper and more intense than anything I had ever felt before._

_On the third thrust she grabbed my other leg and forced it around her so now it was just the weight of her pinning me to the door, holding me up. _

_I wanted so badly to arch into her, but I was trapped against the fucking door so tightly that I could hardly draw in a breath, let alone move. _

_The fourth thrust hit something inside of me that caused my stomach to feel like it was flipping over and I moaned her name. _

"_Jesus babe I love it when you do that." She sighed in response before our lips met in what can only be described as a sloppy kiss, all tongues and teeth, and no finesse. _

_My hands clutched at her shoulders, my nails pressed so hard that I think I drew blood, but I know she didn't mind. In fact it might have even inspired her because the fifth thrust was the hardest yet, and I couldn't hold back the pressure inside me any longer. It burst with me shouting out her name._

_It was the most powerful orgasm I'd had up to that point and I would have been content to curl up somewhere and recover, but Santana wasn't finished. _

_Instead her thrusts which had been slow and deep, became faster, and faster. _

_I could feel her losing control as her hands clutched at my thighs; her breath came in harsh pants and was interspersed with sighs of my name._

_It was so hot._

_So fucking sexy._

_That I was instantly pushed to a second peak._

_I'd never done that before and the shock of it surprised me and left me breathless. The only thing I could do in the moment was tilt my head back and release a silent scream as my muscles frantically clenched and released around her where she was buried inside me. _

_I think I heard her scream my name before I felt like I was falling. _

_We slid down the door until her knees hit the ground. Then she did this pivot move, pulling me tight to her, until she was sat on the ground with her back to the door and I was sat in her lap. _

_My breath was still coming out in little gasps as I tried to get my heart to beat in a normal rhythm once more. I smiled and rested my cheek on her shoulder as she tenderly ran her hands up and down my back._

"_I love you Brittany." She said, her lips millimeters away from my ear, and I know at that moment that she was telling the truth._

_I didn't get a chance to tell her I loved her back that night._

_I did._

_I do._

_Instead we were interrupted by a knock on the door and a voice calling. "Boss, your father wants you to say goodbye to some guests." I think it was Finn's voice but I was still too dazed to tell._

"_We'll be out in a minute." Santana called back before helping me to feet._

_That was the first time I saw her work mask slip onto her face. The difference between work Santana and my lover Santana was never so obvious as it was at the moment. She had gone from telling me she loved me, to picking up her belt that held her gun off the floor and securing it to her body once more so that it was rested in the small of her back. _

"Mommy. Play?" Cody asked. His voice broke me from my memories and made me blink.

I looked at his face.

So expectant.

So innocent.

"Of course baby. Anything you want." I said with a smile that made him wiggle in his chair in excitement.

"Trains?" He asked reaching out his hands towards me so I could pick him up. I held him to my body and breathed him in. Placing a kiss on the side of his sticky face, I smiled when he pressed his face into my neck.

"That sounds wonderful Cody. I love you."

I make sure I tell my son every day how much I love him. As many times as I possibly can. So that he will always know that for me he's everything. And because you just never know when you won't get another chance.


	3. Chapter 2

On the Run

Rated: M for language and violence

Warnings: Contains mild violence and bad language.

Summary: Brittany S Pierce witnessed something that she really wished she hadn't by someone she thought she had loved and trusted. She's been on the run ever since.

Authors note: Wow, again I am simply blown away with the follows, reviews and alerts. You guys are making my day. In fact I am seriously contemplating posting another chapter this afternoon as a reward. I have replied to everyone who reviewed if you weren't anon, and I thank you for your kind words.

Chapter 2

It wasn't until that evening when I remembered I needed to talk to Quinn about tomorrow and being home late. Cody and Beth were already in bed and we were curled up at opposite ends of the sofa watching some sort of news show.

Quinn is super brainy and believes in following the news so she can stay informed about what's going on in the world.

I watch because I like the steady drone of voices, there's not a whole lot of change in pitch once they get going on a story. Plus its fun sometimes to watch Quinn's reaction to the news, the faces she pulls are even more fun than the actual news itself.

I waited until a commercial break so I wouldn't interrupt and then tapped her gently with my foot to get her attention.

"Hey Quinn is it ok if I'm a little late home tomorrow?" I say quietly.

Damn it my hair was still up in a ponytail and I couldn't hide when she stared at me. Her eyes are this really cool color, but sometimes they feel a little too intense, like she wants to tear me apart and see what's inside. This feels like one of those moments.

"Hot date?" She asks raising one eyebrow, although both shoot right up when she sees me blush at her taunt. She wasn't expecting that.

"Um no, not a date. He said it wasn't a date. Just drinks." I start to ramble feeling myself get redder each second.

"Who said?"

The news is back on, but neither one of us is watching it now. Quinn is too intent on getting answers from me, and I'm just wishing one of those sinkholes you hear about would come and get me.

"Uh Mike."

A frown appears on Quinn's forehead.

"Mike Chang." I add his last name and that seems to get an even bigger frown.

"Weird I always thought he was dating Tina." I have no idea who Tina is so I guess this wasn't aimed at me so I just shrug.

"Yeah Britt that should be fine. Don't be too late though because I have to go out at four." Quinn says and turns back to watch the television.

Great at least now I have an excuse if drinks with Mike become uncomfortable in any way. Ok more uncomfortable than the thought of drinks with him already are.

The next day at work passed especially slow. It was inventory day, which I never enjoy as its got more counting in than I like to do. Then the cappuccino machine broke again, and I had to deal with some super cranky customers who only wanted that particular drink, although how they expected me to make it with a broken machine was beyond me. It's not like I broke the machine either, but I was the senior staff member that day so I got the flak about it.

When two finally rolled around all I wanted to do was go home, cuddle up on the sofa with Cody and watch Finding Nemo or something. When the bell signaled that another customer was here and Mike came in with a smile and a wave for me I couldn't help but wish he had just forgotten.

"Hey Brittany, can I get a cappuccino?"

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

I sighed ready to disappoint yet another customer. "Sorry Mike the machine's broken. Anything else instead?" I tried to smile to see if that helped.

"Oh no problem. Um how about a hot chocolate?"

"Great." I made two and handed him one. "On the house." I said with another smile, I watched as Mike put some notes in the tip jar instead. With a wave at Sam who was here to take over we made our way over to the extra comfy chairs in the far corner.

There were a few uncomfortable moments of small talk before Mike put his drink down on the low slung coffee table between us and turned to face me. I was prepared today for this talk today and had my hair down, a tilt of my head to the side caused my face to be partly shielded by blonde. Much better.

"So I've been watching you at dance class with Cody, and you've got so much potential Brittany. Like huge amounts. I can tell you're an amazing dancer. And I wanted to offer you an audition."

Ok so that was one of the last things I expected Mike to ever say to me. The only time he'd ever seen me dance was at a mommy and me class, and that hardly showed off anything I could do other than interact with my son.

"Um what?" I managed to ask still confused by what was going on here. "Why?"

Mike leant forward in his chair, and I could see his hand reach out towards me. It came to rest on my knee and I fought the urge to flinch, not used to people touching me.

"We really need an instructor that's good with young children to teach some of our morning classes. I know you could be great at it, and thought it would be something you'd enjoy." Mike explained giving my knee a gentle squeeze before he let it go and reached for his drink once more.

It sounded good. I mean I think I would really enjoy it, but there might be too many logistics that could prevent it. What if I couldn't get enough hours to cover what I needed, could I still work at The Lima Bean to make up the difference? What if I wasn't very good, or the children hated me? What if they wanted my dance background? What is they wanted any of my background?

I looked up at Mike and he was still looking at me smiling expectantly. I think he could tell by the look on my face that I wasn't sure as his smile slipped a bit. "How about just coming and dancing for me, and then we can talk?"

I nodded my head in agreement, and we spent the next ten minutes discussing when a good time would be for this to happen. We decided on the coming Saturday just after lunch. I could take Cody with me which was really neat, as he always loved to watch me dance. Then we said goodbye and I hurried home.

Cody was a little cranky when I got back; Quinn said he hadn't napped very well that morning. I brushed my fingers through his dark hair tenderly running them over his forehead.

Please don't be sick.

I can't handle it well if Cody gets sick.

_He was quite a sickly baby, and arrived a few weeks early. The doctor had said it was because I had seemed stressed, essentially blaming me even though I had tried my best. _

"_You really need to rest Miss Pierce." The doctor said as he sat down opposite me at his large wooden desk._

_I don't know how to explain that I can't rest. I've only been out of Reno for five months and I kept expecting Santana to find me. I had nightmares most nights about Raul Lopez shooting me, or worse, standing over me while I gave birth and then shooting my baby. I really wanted not to sleep again, but knew that wasn't good for the baby, so even though I woke up sweaty and crying most nights I still forced myself to do it. _

"_I'll try Doctor Carl." I said attempting to smile, aware that it had come across as weak._

"_I'll see you next week. You're doing well Brittany, I'd just like to see you get more rest." He said, and with that I was dismissed._

_I set up next week's appointment for the same day and time so it was easier to remember. I even managed to smile genuinely over something funny Holly the receptionist had said. _

_Outside the doctors office I walked to the diner on the corner, sat in an air-conditioned booth and had a small snack and drink. I examined each person that walked past the window to see if they were familiar to me in any way, or seemed suspicious but no one did and so I tried to relax, I really did._

_Mountain Grove, Missouri is a small town, and I had only lived here a few weeks. I still wasn't used to the size of it. Everyone seemed to know everything about everyone else. My arrival had been something like big news, and my first day I had been given at least three covered dishes that I was told I could heat up in the oven for dinner, just to welcome me to the neighborhood. I know it was supposed to be welcoming but it was just a little scary to have strangers knocking on my door all the time to give me things. The whole town seemed to have taken me in, and were trying to feed me up it felt like. It was weird to be the center of so much attention when I all I really wanted to do was lay low._

_However about three weeks later when the pains of early labor woke me up in the middle of the night, I was grateful for my overly nosey neighbors that saw my lights on, and came to check on me. _

_Thank god they did because I have no idea how I would have gotten to the hospital otherwise. _

_It was a long, and intensely painful labor. _

_Cody was early so he hadn't turned enough and wanted to come out backwards. _

_There was a moment, ok several moments, when I just really wanted Santana beside me holding my hand and telling me it was going to be ok. That we were all going to be ok. But I knew she couldn't be here. And I knew that was my decision. Something that I had decided for the both of us, because Santana didn't even know that she was going to have a baby and was becoming a parent right this second in this tiny hospital room as I lay crying on the bed and wishing that she could hold me and make it all ok. _

_The doctor decided to finally take the breech delivery, warning me that if the baby looked in distress they'd have to do a c-section quickly to get it out. I was ok with that. Hell I was ok with anything as long as it made the pain stop._

_A nurse I didn't even know held my hand while encouraging me to push. After eleven hours of labor I was exhausted, and I honestly don't know where I found the strength to give the last few pushes before collapsing back in the hospital bed._

_When I heard that first cry though it all seemed worth it._

_When I saw his face for the first time I knew it all was._

_He was so perfect._

_I was only in hospital three days. And that was only so long because Cody was a little jaundice at the beginning and had to stay under these lights with these cute little shades on. Well cute until someone said he looked like a mini-gangster and my body shivered at the thought. _

_That would not be the life my son would lead. _

_I would protect him with everything that I had for as long as I possibly could._

_I spent three days watching him, marveling at his tiny fingers and toes. Stroking his tufts of dark hair with the tip of my finger as he nursed. _

_When we came home from the hospital and he would cry or get sick with a gassy tummy, which seemed to happen a lot, I would sing to him and gently dance around with him in my arms throughout the house. He loved it when I would dance and it always settled him down._

"Hey baby." I held him close to my chest and swayed gently back and forth. His face rested against my shoulder, and I could feel his body gently shake as he tried not to cry. I rubbed a hand gently up and down on his back, and quietly sung him his favorite song 'twinkle twinkle little star' over and over until I felt his body go limp and heavy in my arms signaling that he was finally asleep. Instead of placing him in his crib I sat down in the rocking chair in the living room, and gently rocked him in my arms, watching over him as he slept.

A click of a camera startled me sometime later, and I looked up to find Quinn standing in the doorway, and holding her camera. "I'm sorry I disturbed you Brittany, I just couldn't resist."

I just shrugged and gave a small smile. I knew Quinn was an artist, and she knew I hated having my picture taken. It had been one of the only things we disagreed about, and in the end I had agreed to let her take the odd picture, as long as they were never exhibited. She had graciously agreed, and only rarely would I hear a camera click, and find her smiling at me happy with whatever image she had captured.

Later that afternoon Quinn went out for a work function I think. Cody seemed to be doing a lot better after his nap, and after dinner I curled up on the sofa with him and Beth enjoying getting to watch Finding Nemo, and eat a bowl of ice cream.

That night I lay in bed, I pulled Cody's body closer to mine and held him tightly in my arms, making tonight a one off special night and letting him sleep in my bed. Mostly I just wanted to keep him extra close to me tonight. I kissed the top of his head when he molded his small body closer to me, and closed my eyes. Hopefully tonight I could sleep without any nightmares.


	4. Chapter 3

On the Run

Rated: M for language and violence

Warnings: Contains mild violence and bad language.

Summary: Brittany S Pierce witnessed something that she really wished she hadn't by someone she thought she had loved and trusted. She's been on the run ever since.

Authors note: Well it's the afternoon, and my day off so I thought what the hell here's the next part for you all. People will be happy (maybe) to know that Santana will make an appearance soon.

Chapter 3

The rest of the week flew by for me. Cody was much better the next day when he woke up, back to his bubbly happy self, which was a huge relief. I even took him to the mommy and me class at the dance studio and danced to a little disco, which had him giggling so hard, he had to lie on the floor and hug his tummy.

I love to see him so happy.

Every giggle that came out of his mouth made me dance harder. Soon a few of the other moms were clapping along and their kids were rolling around with Cody having fun. When the song finished everyone gave me a round of applause and I took a mock bow before applauding all of the children and making them bow too. I caught Mike's expression in one of the mirrors that lined the studio, an I told you so look.

After that life went back to the regular program of work, spend time with my son, watch television with Quinn, and sleep. I did have one weird moment when some woman randomly asked me out but I said no, and I haven't seen her around again.

Saturday arrived before I really had time to process it.

And before I was even really completely aware of the fact Cody and I walked in to the First Step Dance Studio. Mike was already sat on the floor stretching, and he smiled at us as we walked in.

"Hi Brittany. Cody." He waved and jumped to his feet. He gave me a hug and then held out his fist for Cody to tap his too, it was what they did in greetings at the start of mommy and me class and it always made me smile.

"So what do you want me to do?" I asked taking off the hooded sweatshirt that I had worn over my white skinny tank and shorts to keep me warm on the walk to the studio. I settled Cody down on the floor with a few of his toys, some crayons and paper and watched for a few seconds as he started coloring right away.

Have I mentioned yet today how much I love my son?

Because I do.

So much.

"Well I want to put on a few different tunes and I just want you to dance. Any style you want. Show me what you've got." Mike said taking a seat on the wooden floor near the stereo. He leant back against the mirror and started scrolling through his mp3 player.

When the first song started up I smiled. I'd danced to this in the living room with Cody and Beth on several afternoons. I felt a little self-conscious knowing that I was being judged, but by the third song the nerves had floated away and I really had no awareness of anything except the music. I didn't even know when Mike had started mirroring my moves and effortlessly dancing with me until his hands touched my waist and I stumbled a step.

"Uh sorry." I said my face heating up in a blush.

It had been a long time since anyone touched me when I danced. At the beginning the touch had always been unwanted, then it was work, and finally it was only Santana that touched me. No one else ever tried after I was hers. Yeah I dance with my son and other children, but no other adults.

Ever.

It just felt weird and a little wrong for it not to be Santana. I was so used to her touch, and god her touch ruined me for anyone else. It made it impossible. It was Santana or nothing.

_The first time Santana and I danced together was for my eighteenth birthday. It was only a few months after we had first met. She had thrown me this really amazing birthday party at a club in Reno. Small and exclusive. All black tie and tails. She'd even worn a tuxedo, and when I had seen her in it I almost hadn't let her leave our bedroom, let alone the house._

_Fuck she looked so sexy that I just wanted to take her. _

_Hell, I wanted her to take me. _

_Instead she had just smiled that fucking cocky smile and pulled a black silk tie out of the pocket of her pants. _

_When my eyes were completely covered and she was convinced I couldn't see, she had slowly started to undress me. All of my clothes were slipped off piece by piece. The sensation of her hands and her warm breath skirting over my skin made me shiver in anticipation of what was to come. Although I'm pretty sure I pouted when I felt clothing start to be slipped on. _

_Panties first. They felt lacy, but soft as they brushed their way up my thighs._

_A strapless bra that did up at the back was next and I groaned as Santana teased me with small delicate brushes of her fingertips to the swell of each breast._

"_Santana." I gasped when I felt a kiss pressed in the valley between my breasts, and moaned in complaint when the touch moved away._

"_Sorry I couldn't resist." I could hear the laughter in her voice and knew she was smiling at me._

"_Ok I need you to sit." Santana directed, and helped me sit on the corner of the bed. Then she proceeded to drive me out of my fucking mind._

_A garter belt was slid up each leg until they rested around each thigh, a kiss placed where each one lay, and then delicate silk stockings were rolled up each leg and attached by clips to the garter to hold them up._

"_So fucking sexy." Santana groaned and I was shocked by the kiss she pulled me into. About ten second in I was sure she was going to push me back on the bed and start taking the underwear off again, and I would have been so beyond ok with that, but instead she ended the kiss and stood up. I could hear her move away and the sound of something being unzipped. Then the soft swishing of material and footsteps coming back towards me._

_I felt the silkiness of a material swirling around my ankles, before Santana asked me to stand up. Then that same silky feel was pulled up my legs, smoothed with a teasing hand over my hips, and up to just above the swell of my breasts. The top felt tight when it was zipped up, but not unpleasantly so, and when I stepped into some heels that Santana slid onto my feet I could tell there was a slit up the side of the dress that would allow for movement. _

_I was still wearing the blindfold when Santana took my hand and started leading me out of the bedroom. I hesitated, not sure I could make my way through our house without being able to see. But Santana pressed herself to my side and whispered, "Trust me." Into my ear, and I knew that she wouldn't let me fall._

_I didn't actually get to lose the blindfold until we were out of the limousine and just about to enter the club. Then Santana gently untied the black silk tie and slipped it back into her back pockets with a smirk. "It might come in useful later tonight." _

_I nudged her with my shoulder. I can't believe she made me blush like that just before I had to go into a room and see lots of people I didn't really know. I looked down at the pale blue of my dress, and was distracted by all the shiny beads glittering back at me. It was beautiful. Then I noticed that she'd changed her tie to perfectly match the color of my dress. I reached out and ran my finger from her forehead, down the side of her face, until it traced the collar of her shirt, smiling when I saw her gulp at the move._

_Boldly I took a step towards her until my front was pressed against her front, leaning in I placed a kiss on her lips sighing happily when her arms immediately pressed me even closer. My mouth eagerly opened at the press of her tongue against my lips, and we would have been maybe tempted to go further but a cough caused us to break apart. _

_The frown on Santana's face between her eyebrows made me smile until it was wiped away quickly when I realized the cough had come from her father, "Sorry Papa." She apologized before sliding her hand around my waist and pulling me close. "Ok beautiful, lets go and show you off." _

_The rest of the night we had talked to almost everyone in the room, Santana made sure to stay pressed against me all night long. My favorite moments were always when she whisked me out onto the dance floor and we got to hold each other close, grind slowly against each other, and I got to listen to her tell me how much she was looking forward to peeling each item of clothing off me. _

_It was just all about the two of us._

_Yes her father was still watching us and I saw him occasionally frown our way._

_Yes Santana's bodyguards were present and even when we snuck away to the bathroom later for a quickie I was aware we were not alone._

_But out on the dance floor, with her hands against me, and the music pumping through us it felt so good, so amazing, that I could forget about the rest, because really it was only ever about her right then. About how our bodies moved together, and reacted subtly to the moves of the other, how close we fit, and instinctually just knew what the other was going to do before they did it. _

_Dancing for us was like making love. _

_Effortless. _

_Easy. _

_And more natural than breathing._

Mike tilted my chin up with one of his fingers so that we could look in each other's eyes. I was only a bit shorter than him. "You're amazing." He said softly, his voice low and with an oddly breathy quality.

I think he moved a fraction towards me, and for a second I thought he might kiss me, I was all ready to move away from him, get Cody and never come back. But instead he brushed a strand of hair away from my face and smiled at me. "Yeah amazing." He repeated as I fought the urge to blush more. "You need to come and work for us. The kids are just going to love you." He said stepping back away from me and giving me my space.

I couldn't get a read on him. Was this flirting, was the just what it was like to have a friend, or was I just reading everything wrong and this was how everyone interacts with each other normally?

"This might be out of line but do you like me?" I asked, deciding to take the direct approach. I was definitely blushing now and could no longer look Mike in the eye.

I heard Mike cough and give a little splutter. "Uh…uh um Brittany this isn't like that. I think you're awesome but."

"That's great." I cut him off as soon as I heard the but. Finally I looked up and smiled at him again. "So tell me about this job."

We talked for the next thirty minutes or so about what the job actually involved. Pay. Hours. All of that kind of thing. It sounded pretty much perfect. I could give my job up at The Bean completely, work less hours, and get paid a little more to do it. Plus it would be doing something I actually loved. When I left home at sixteen to dance I danced how I had to, now I actually had an opportunity to dance how I wanted too.

It looked like I would be able to start next month after I gave my notice. That would be perfect timing as well because the new semester for classes would start around then too. Mike did suggest coming to sit in on some of the classes beforehand if I had time, and I said it was something I would really try to take him up on.

When we left I picked Cody up and swung him around in a circle, and because he had been so good we stopped at the store quickly and then went to our favorite place. The park. It was a beautiful day and we ate a small snack on one of the benches, and fed breadcrumbs to the ducks in the pond. I chased Cody around barefoot in the grass and we played and had just one of those perfect afternoons. The kind when everything feels too good to be true.

That should have been my first clue.

Life hasn't been that kind to me so I just should have known.

I should have seen it coming, but I didn't.

No, I walked right home into it.

Literally.

"Quinn?" I called out, the door to the apartment wasn't shut properly and it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I'd have paid more attention to that feeling if I hadn't been on cloud nine still over the job, and complacent because nothing had happened for months. Its why it was such a shock when I walked into the kitchen to find Quinn bound and gagged to one of the kitchen chairs, and someone holding a gun to her head.

Fuck.

Rachel 'the mouth' Berry was smiling and holding a fucking gun to the back of my roommates' head, and all she did when she saw me was smile wider.

"Thank you so much for coming home Brittany. That's much easier than me having to try and find you in this piece of crap town." Rachel said beaming a huge smile my way while never lowering the gun.

I clutched Cody tighter to me praying that he wouldn't wake up or make any sudden movements.

"And who do we have here? I'm guessing this is the other person from the photograph?" Rachel carried on talking, this time moving the gun so she could use it to gesture in my direction.

Photograph?

What?

Then it hit me.

Quinn must have put the picture of Cody and I up somewhere that she had taken this week. She'd lied to me. Fuck. And now I was in so much trouble, although Quinn looked to be in quite a bit of trouble too. Not that it made any of this any better. I said fuck already right?

I could feel my knees buckle as my life started to crumble down around me, and knew I had to sit down. I pulled out the chair opposite where Quinn was staring at me with tears running down her face, and sat. I wanted to thump my head down on the tabletop. No, skip that I wanted this to be some horrible dream that I would wake up from, but I knew it wasn't.

"Please Rachel, can you just let me go?" I said quietly I could feel tears building at the corners of my eyes and got angry with myself for crying.

"Now why would I do that?" Rachel smiled and sat down next to Quinn. She leant her head on Quinn's shoulder, and I saw Quinn flinch away from her.

Cody stirred in my arms and I placed a soft kiss to his head and started to gently stroke circles on his back.

Please stay asleep baby.

Please.

"They'll kill me." I said quietly, my voice was trembling now as I tried to plead with Rachel to let me run again, even though I know it's useless.

"If they wanted you dead they'd have sent Porcelain after you." Rachel said matter of factly. Kurt Hummel AKA Porcelain was the Lopez's go to hitman. It was true if they sent Rachel it was for a reason. Of course it would be good to know which one of them had sent her, Santana or Raul, and what they wanted.

I heard the slam of the apartment door as it collided with the wall, and the muffled sound of voices.

Fuck me.

I guess I'm about to find out.


	5. Chapter 4

Authors note: Um wow again I am just loving all the reviews, alerts etc. I have again PMed everyone who reviewed unless you were anon or a guest. Anyway thank you everyone. Enjoy the arrival of Santana!

Chapter 4

Out of all the people I was expecting to come barging into the kitchen Noah Puckerman wasn't in the top five, or even ten.

I couldn't prevent the way my body jumped when Rachel pointed the gun right at me. Cody woke up with a cry and I was divided between having to comfort him, and bone numbing fear because Rachel's finger started to twitch on the trigger.

"Put it down Rachel." Noah ordered, and immediately the gun was placed back down on the table. "Now untie my fucking girlfriend."

Wait, what?

I attempted to comfort Cody in my arms while still watching the drama unfold in front of me.

What the hell was going on here?

As soon as the tape was ripped off Quinn's mouth she looked at me and mouthed 'I'm sorry.' Before looking away. Although I have to say I was a little lost exactly how much she was sorry for. Was it putting the photo out there so I got caught, or dating Santana Lopez's bodyguard?

"Where's Beth?" Noah asked as he helped untie Quinn from the chair.

"Upstairs, asleep." Quinn said quietly refusing to meet my eyes as I stared at her. Who the hell was this person I had shared an apartment with for a year and a half? How could I not know she had a boyfriend? And that Noah Puckerman was her boyfriend? How could the universe be so incredibly fucked up that I chose to live with her!

"Mommy, potty." Cody said squirming in my lap to get my attention.

I stood up and was just about to make my way to the bathroom before I looked up and noticed two guns now pointing at me.

"Uh uh no way blondie." Noah said waving his gun at me, and indicating that I should just sit back down.

"Oh don't be a douche Puck, let her take her little boy to the bathroom for gods sake." Quinn shouted, and I would have smiled at how Noah meekly put his gun away and sat back down, if I hadn't been so horrified that this was even happening in the first place.

"Rachel, make sure they don't run." Noah ordered, and just like that I found that I had inherited a shadow. Rachel stood in the open doorway, watching as I helped Cody onto the toilet, and then when he was done I helped him wipe, flush and wash his hands.

"Well done baby. I'm so proud of you." I said when his hands were clean, and gave him a big hug. Potty training was still somewhat hit and miss so I tried to celebrate all of my sons achievements, even the little ones like this. It ended up making us both feel good.

Back in the kitchen I was ordered to go and pack a bag. "We're going on a little trip." Noah teased. He made Cody stay with Quinn when I packed so that I wouldn't run. I'm not sure he understood just how nervous I was to leave my son downstairs with them. What if they took him?

Oh God.

It just literally hit me that they were taking us to Santana.

Not just me.

Us.

She doesn't know about Cody.

At least I don't think she know, I mean Noah Puckerman knows now at least, so maybe she already knows. Maybe she knows, and she wants custody. Oh God how the hell can I get Cody and I out of this? He doesn't even know about her, not really, not enough to actually understand.

I sank down on the ground, hugged my knees tightly to my chest, and rested my forehead on top of them.

I just needed a moment.

Just one fucking moment so I can attempt to pull my sham of a fucked up life together.

I ran through possible scenarios in my head, and the outcomes attached to them. Most weren't good. And you know what? In the end I realized I can't do anything about it. I had literally no control over how this was going to play out. None. The only thing I could do is try to relax, take the best care of my son that I can, and try to stay safe, although that last one is a little out of my hands too.

I finished packing a bag of things for Cody and me and then made my way back downstairs. I think I didn't really start to relax until I picked Cody up in my arms again. Noah gave me a weird sort of look when he called me mommy and hugged me tight. But I didn't have time to dwell on it before we all were ushered out of the door. And yes I mean all of us. Noah, Quinn, Beth, Rachel, Cody, and myself were all led outside and of course a black limousine was waiting for us. Quinn and Beth climbed in first. Noah took my bag from my hand, and was kind enough to help me in the car with Cody, I decided to sit opposite Quinn, I no longer felt like we were the kind of friends that would sit next to each other. Yet another poor decision by yours truly as it meant Rachel Berry sat next to me. Great.

I shouldn't have been surprised when about an hour later we arrived at an airport. How else would we be getting back to Nevada, we would hardly drive there. Quinn looked a little surprised by the private jet waiting for us on the private runway. I was just happy that Cody seemed to be dozing again, he hadn't been in a car a lot in his life so the motion must have sent him to sleep. I could only hope that he would find the plane ride just as relaxing. The more he slept, the easier this was going to be on me. Not that it was going to be easy. But at least if Cody was asleep I would have one less thing to stress about for the next however many hours.

There were twenty seats on the plane, five rows of four seats to a row, two on each side of a narrow aisle. Hoping to avoid my mistake from the limousine, I chose the middle row and gave Cody the window seat. I gave the stewardess a smile as she handed me a thick dark blue blanket and a pillow for Cody. I took a few seconds to tuck him all, making him as warm and as comfortable as possible before buckling his seatbelt and then my own.

The pilot announced that our flight was due to depart any moment, and if were all ready to go we could take off. My hand gripped the armrest, and my foot tapped the ground nervously. I hated flying. I'd only done it a handful of times, and each time Santana had to distract me especially on takeoff. When the plane taxied over to the runway I was surprised when Noah came and sat next to me and gently took my hand. I tried to pull away from his grip but he held on tighter. Then he leant over and said "Santana told me I had to take care of you." And I felt my breath catch in my throat. Holy crap, could she still care for me? I'd spent the last almost two and a half plus years assuming she hated me and wanted me dead, but maybe that wasn't the case at all?

When we were in the air and the plane had finally leveled out, the pilot announced that the flight time was approximately three hours to Reno, Nevada, and that we should relax, sit back and enjoy our flights. Noah let go of my hand after giving it a small squeeze and then moved to a different row where I couldn't see him.

The seat only stayed empty for about thirty minutes. During that time the stewardess had bought around snacks and refreshments and made sure Cody and myself were comfortable numerous times. Cody was awake now and staring intently out of the window. Occasionally he would get really excited and point something out to me, but the rest of the time he was content just to stare.

Anyway after thirty minutes or so Quinn sat down.

"I know you don't want to talk to me." She started off by saying and I had to stop myself from nodding my head, because she was right. I didn't. "And I don't blame you. I know I'd promised to not put any pictures of you up on my website, and I swear I didn't. I just liked that picture so much that I sent it to Noah, along with a few of Beth I had taken in the park. I didn't think anything of it. I just wanted to show him the roommate I had talked about for ages. I didn't know that this would happen Brittany. I swear I didn't."

I tried to take in what she was saying, but there was so much of it, and it was all said so fast, and I kept getting stuck on different facts. "Noah is…" My voice trailed away, but I could already see Quinn nodding, she knew what I was asking.

"What the hell is going on Brittany?" Quinn asked leaning all the way across the aisle so she could talk quietly and no one else would hear.

"I don't know." I said honestly.

"Are we going to be ok?"

"Do you mean safe?" I tried to clarify what she was asking. When she nodded I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know that either. I hope so." I said lowering my voice further so that Cody couldn't hear.

"Mommy, potty." Cody said tapping me on the thigh to get my attention. I smiled at my son and undid his seatbelt. We stumbled our way down the aisle to the tiny bathroom and Cody giggled when he saw it.

All right, this was going to be an adventure.

It was.

More of one than I would have liked as the plane hit a little turbulence as I was helping Cody wash his hands, causing me to lurch forward and hold him to me with both hands to protect him. Unfortunately, this meant I wasn't protecting myself at all and my head connected rather solidly with the paper towel dispenser.

Sonofabitch that hurt!

Cody started to cry and scream "Mommy." And I admit I didn't have a whole lot of awareness as to why. It turns out I'd managed to slice my head open and so I was bleeding quite a bit. I guess that explained why I was in so much pain.

I could hear someone hammering on the door, and shouting at me to open it. I knew I needed to open it so someone could help. I just wasn't sure how I could make my body and brain connect to do it.

Damn were we in more turbulence or was I really this dizzy?

I sat down on the closed toilet lid, still holding Cody securely in my arms. I'm pretty sure Noah busted in the bathroom door, as I'm pretty sure I had locked it so the light would come on.

"Oh fuck." I could hear Noah say, and I watched as he grabbed a fistful of paper towels and pressed them to my head.

I wanted to tell him not to swear in front of Cody, but shit that hurt, and it took everything in me not to swear myself.

I tried to move away from the pain but Noah held my head still with his other hand.

I heard Quinn ask if she could take Cody, but he just clung tighter to me.

"It's ok baby. I'm ok." I cooed softly at him as he started to cry again.

"I can do stitches if you need me to." I heard Rachel say, and I think I could just make out her smiling face somewhere behind Quinn. But Noah shook his head and kept the pressure on my head.

A sudden dip of the plane made my stomach roll, and I think I actually whimpered.

"You gonna be sick Brittany?" Noah asked quietly.

I nodded my head, the movement immediately making the pain worse. I tried to take shallow even breaths. I felt uncomfortably warm all of a sudden, but cold at the same time.

"I really think we should get her to a seat." Quinn said.

"Ok dude you have to go with Quinn for me." Noah said, and before either of us could protest he plucked Cody from my grasp and handed him to Quinn. "Ok Brittany this might make you feel terrible, but you can throw up or pass out if you want." He warned me kneeling in front of my on the bathroom floor.

As he shifted me into his arms my body went with the second option and everything went black.

"I don't want excuses Puckerman, what the hell happened to her?"

Someone was yelling.

Loudly.

And it was making my head hurt.

"Ouch." I said, but I think it came out as a whisper. Either way I was loud enough thankfully for the yelling to stop. I felt a gentle hand trace across my forehead and winced when it touched around what must be quite the egg-sized lump and a bandage where the cut must be.

"Britt?" The voice asked, and I recognized it immediately.

Santana.

My eyes opened and I had to blink to try to get them to focus, everything was a little bit fuzzy like if you have too much to drink.

"Santana." Her name came out as a sort of sigh, and I watched as she smiled at me.

God she hadn't changed.

She was still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

Her dark hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail, and she was wearing a white suit with a black shirt underneath. Her eyes still reminded me of liquid dark chocolate, and her smile still made me want to melt.

She was still my Santana.

And I felt myself freeze at that thought.

Because we couldn't do this.

I couldn't do this.

I had to keep Cody safe, and safe was as far away from Santana Lopez and the life she lived as possible. Safe was what we had in Lima, Ohio. Not here in Reno, Nevada.

So even though she was smiling at me and holding my hand. All the things I had wanted from her years before. I pulled away and crossed my arms over my chest. God it hurts to do this.

"Why the hell am I here?" I said in the sternest voice I could, trying not to flinch away from her when I saw her start to get angry.

Suddenly I heard Cody shout "Mommy!" And saw him run down the plane aisle towards me. I watched Santana's eyes get even angrier, and a look that was a mixture between shock, horror, and repulsion passed over her face before it was shut down to be replaced by what I had always thought of as her work face.

That couldn't be good.

I pulled Cody into my arms, pressing him tight to my body, and pressed kisses over his face until he was giggling.

Then Cody pulled away from me and stared at Santana from within the comfort of my embrace. "Who is?" He asked quietly, still looking at the stranger in front of me.

Well I guess it was now or never.

"This is your mama."

I heard Santana gasp, and there was that look of shock again, quickly being replaced by unbridled anger before the mask dropped back in place once more.

I guess that answered one question. She didn't know about Cody, but she does now.

Oh this was not going to be fun.


	6. Chapter 5

Authors Note: So people are happy to see Santana, let's see what she thinks of it all? Thank you as always everyone, all the reviews, PM's, alerts etc are very inspiring. I hope people continue to enjoy this…on with the show.

Chapter 5

Santana didn't say a word as she stood up and hastily ran her hand down her thighs. It was a nervous gesture that I could remember her doing when she had to meet a large group of people she thought were important. I watched as she spun on her heel and quickly stalked her way out of the plane. I heard her toss out a "Bring them." Command over her shoulder, almost as if it was an after thought.

Until now I had considered Noah Puckerman to be acting quite pleasantly towards me, but obviously this command from his boss changed all of that, and he grabbed me roughly by my upper arm dragging me to my feet. I could feel my body sway, and he barely gave me time to find my balance before he started dragging me along the aisle and out of the plane.

I just concentrated everything in me on one thing, and that was holding onto Cody as tightly as possible. It was strange, because this was much more like the behavior I thought I would face, and so I didn't feel quite as nervous as I had back in Ohio.

I could see Santana standing outside a white limousine talking quickly into her phone. She had mirrored sunglasses on, but I could feel her looking at me, and it made me stumble. Noah just tightened his grip on my arm, and I winced, as I was sure it was going to leave a bruise now. I was literally hauled along until I was standing in front of Santana waiting for her next order.

I could feel the anger flowing off her in waves. I don't think I had ever seen her like this. I know the only time I had ever seen her close to this angry someone had died. That was a day I would like to have forgotten, but I guess it illustrated for me how dangerous Santana Lopez really was.

Most of the time I forgot that Santana could be terrifying.

She was just mine.

I held Cody tighter to me, and because he could probably feel how tense I was he hugged me tightly back.

"I need the boy to come with me. Everyone else goes back to the house." She ordered turning away from me and pulling open the limousine door.

"No!" I said desperately.

There was no fucking way they were going to separate me from my son.

No way.

Santana spun back around to face me, and my legs started to tremble when I saw her hand immediately reach to the back of her waist, before she stopped the move and clenched her hands into fists at her sides instead.

And it clicked.

Her gun.

She was actually going to reach for her gun.

She took a step towards me, and I would have stepped back away from her if my legs would have allowed me. I felt that threatened.

"He comes with me. You go with them. I can't look at you right now." Santana said daring me to challenge her again.

But I had too.

I couldn't let Cody go with her, not without me there. "No." I said, my voice not quite as loud as before, but loud enough for her to hear.

I knew I had pushed her too far.

I had just dared to challenge her in public essentially, and she couldn't back down from that. Of course that didn't stop the gasp of surprise from escaping my lips as her hand slapped me across my face.

I was happy that Noah was still tightly holding onto my arm as I think I would have fallen over if he weren't. My brain tried to process what the hell had just happened. I could hear Cody starting to cry again, and kept repeating mommy, over, and over. I could hear Quinn comforting Beth in the background as well. And over all of this I could hear Santana's ragged breathing as she tried to calm herself down.

"Now can people just follow my fucking orders!" It wasn't a question; it was a demand.

"Please." I tried again, not surprised when her hand came towards my face once more. This time she stopped herself from making contact. But only just.

Neither one of us were going to back down.

It was her show of strength and power, to never be questioned, and always obeyed. It was my love and devotion to my son, how I would always protect him. Both were too important to give up on, and it was obvious we would clash if you thought about it.

I couldn't back down on this.

I wouldn't.

It was too important.

How this went could determine how future things happened.

By now Cody was almost hysterical in my arms, he had passed the crying stage and was now just whimpering mommy, and the word no repeatedly.

"Please Santana. For him." I tried yet again.

Her jaw was tightly clenched, and I really wished I could see her eyes right now. Both of her hands were thankfully back clenched into fists at her sides again, and I was grateful for that because it hurt me to have Cody witness this.

"Ok. Fine. Both of you are with me. Everyone else goes back to the house." Santana finally declared before climbing into the limousine and disappearing from sight.

"Well done." I heard Noah whisper into my ear before he let go of my arm and I sagged without his support. I quickly, and rather awkwardly - because wow did I still feel dizzy – climbed into the limousine half relieved that I was allowed to stay with Cody, and half terrified as to what happens now, especially as the door closed quickly behind me. I just had time to slide into the seat next to Santana before I felt the car start to move.

The driver must already know where to go because Santana made no attempt to pick up the handset and tell him anything else. She kept the sunglasses on and I took this as a message not to talk, or even look at her. Instead I spent the next few minutes comforting my son. I let his hand trace the red mark on my face, being careful not to wince when he pressed too hard. I was trying to convince him that I hadn't really been hurt, even though it was a lie. I was touched when he placed a sloppy kiss on the red mark and said, "Love you," to me.

"I love you too Cody." I said wiping away traces of tears with my thumbs.

I heard Santana choke on what she was drinking next to me. Tequila if I had to go by the smell. I guess that was the first time she had actually heard her son's name. I hope she liked it. I'd put a lot of thought into what to name him when he was born. Cody means helper, and Benito means blessed, and at the time I needed all the help and blessings I could find. My son has been both of these things to me in his life already, and I only hope that I can be both of these things to him too.

We had been travelling about ten minutes when Cody whispered, "Hungry mommy." into my ear. Automatically I reached for my bag that always held some drinks and snacks in it for him, before remembering that Noah still had my bag. Or maybe it was still on the plane. Ether way I didn't have anything with me. I was just about to apologize to my baby boy, and explain that he would have to wait when Santana handed me a bag of whole-wheat crackers, and a glass of orange juice. The juice even had ice in it.

"Is this ok?" She asked quietly, sounding unsure of something for the first time since we had been reunited.

"Yes. Thank you." I said back my voice equally quiet. Not sure if she really wanted me to even address her right now. "Are there any napkins? He might make a mess." I added on as I opened the crackers, smiling as Cody immediately started eating them.

Without saying anything Santana handed me a stack of paper napkins, our fingers brushed lightly against each other's, and I blushed at the contact. I think I blushed even harder when I noticed that Santana was watching me. She had a little smile on her face, it was several notches below the cocky smile I had fallen in love with, but it made her look more like my Santana and I couldn't help but smile back at her.

The moment, if it could even be called a moment, ended when the limousine pulled to a halt and Cody spilled a little of his juice on my lap. I quickly soaked up the liquid with the napkins and put them in the brown paper bag that Santana held out to me, murmuring a "Thanks," to her in the process. The door to the car was opened, and Santana climbed out first, she extended her hand to take mine and helped Cody and I out of the car. Once my feet hit the sidewalk I swayed slightly, the bump on my head, stress, and lack of food all felt like they were catching up with me. Quickly Santana slipped her arm around my waist and held me close.

God she smelt so good that I think I felt dizzier beside her. I swayed a little more, causing Santana to tighten the hold around my waist.

"I think you should have had a snack too." And I didn't have to look at her to know that she was frowning at me. "Lets get you inside out of the heat." This part was said almost tenderly to me, the words being breathed into my neck causing me to shiver slightly at the sensation.

I don't know how she has this power over me.

It's been over two and a half years since we last touched each other intimately, and my body obviously still recognized and responded instantly to hers. I couldn't understand how this could all be so out of my control. How she could still make me feel like I did when I was nineteen before I ran. I mean we are obviously not in the same place we were back then, and yet she still makes my heart beat faster, my breathing speed up, and my mind to go fuzzy with what I'll admit is desire.

We made our way through the lobby of a building that looked oddly familiar. I could probably work out where I was if my brain was more focused on that instead of Santana. But yet again when I was with Santana I found it hard to get beyond anything other than her. We stepped onto an elevator and the doors slid smoothly closed behind us. I caught a glimpse of our reflection in the polished metal walls and almost gasped.

When I had first found out I was pregnant, and I was so excited about the idea of raising a baby with Santana, having a family with her. I had daydreamed about the kind of family we would make, and here it was, my daydream reflected finally back at me.

The elevator moved breaking the moment, and forcing me to bite my lip hard against the wave of nausea that rolled up in my stomach.

"Ugh." I groaned, seeing black spots dancing in front of my eyes.

Cody pressed his hand to my head, accidently pressing against the bump on my head. I think he was trying to comfort me like I did with him so often, but the pain made my knees buckle, and only Santana's arm kept me upright. I swayed when the elevator stopped and the doors slid open.

I felt Santana take Cody from my arms and watched her put him down on the floor outside of the elevator. "I need you to walk for me, and stay right by me." She said quietly and ruffled his dark hair. Then before I could even ask what she was doing she put one of her arms behind my knees and carefully lifted me up in her arms until I was cradled against her chest. I pressed my face into the curve of her neck breathing in her scent. So good. I wanted so badly to press a kiss to the skin just above the black collar of the shirt she was wearing, but settled for just rubbing my nose gently against it. I felt her body tremble and knew that she was remembering exactly the same thing as me, which is how much she used to enjoy carrying me like this to bed, and then making love to me. And how that used to happen a lot before.

This is why it's so hard to fight against Santana. Because everything about us being together feels so damn right.

Carefully she carried me along a hallway passing several doors before she pushed the automatic opener to one and stepped back as the door swung open. I noticed that Cody was walking along right beside us, and even had his hand gripping the white pants Santana was wearing. As soon as we entered the room I remembered where we were and my body relaxed slightly.

Wait.

Why were we at the doctor's office?

Santana had wanted to bring Cody here.

Fuck. If my head wasn't screwing with my ability to concentrate I know I could have pieced this together by now!

Doctor.

Cody.

Santana.

My body went tense and I immediately struggled to get out of Santana's arms. She released a grunt when my elbow caught her in the ribs, and then simply held me tighter.

I wanted to scream at her.

How dare she.

I knew why she wanted to bring Cody here.

It's because she didn't believe me.

All the fight drained out of my body at that thought and I went limp in her arms.

She didn't believe that Cody was her son.

How could she not trust me? How could she not look at Cody and just know? His eyes might be lighter than hers more like milk than dark chocolate, but he has her nose, and her stubborn chin. I could see parts of her in everything that made up him.

Santana put me gently down on an exam table and took at step back. She pushed the sunglasses up to the top of her head, and I could finally see her eyes again. Not that I wanted to because she still looked angry and disgusted with me. I realized that Cody was still clinging to her pants, about the same time that she did and I watched as she stared down at my son…our son…on the floor. Her face softened as she looked at him before her jaw tensed once more.

Doctor Pillsbury came in and I tried not to roll my eyes as she stopped to rub antibacterial lotion into her hands before snapping on some gloves too. I had met her several times before, and never quite understood how someone so anti-germs could even contemplate becoming a doctor. Being in touch with sick people all day long she must get through a bottle of that lotion a day. It was a wonder she had any skin left the amount of times she must wash her hands.

"Hello Ms. Lopez. How can I be of service to you this afternoon?" She asked her eyes scanning around the room, they didn't want to land on Santana's face and hold eye contact for long. Yeah, Santana makes most people that nervous.

Santana waved her hand in my direction. "She hit her head."

Wait. I know we're not here for me. I wasn't even originally meant to be here.

"I'm fine." I tried to sit up, and knew that as my face went white that it was pretty obvious I was lying.

"Lie back down Britt. Please." Santana said as she placed a hand on my shoulder and gently made me lie back down until my head rested on a pillow.

"All right, let me take a look at that for you." Doctor Pillsbury said as her gloved hands gently touched my forehead. First peeling away the bandage and then prodding gently at the cut. "Ew that looks nasty."

"Your medical opinion?" Santana smirked, and I tried not to smile.

"No just fact Ms. Lopez. Let me get it cleaned up. You should have a few stitches unless you don't mind if it scars."

"Stitches are good." Santana interrupted before I could decide what I would want.

"A CAT scan would be a good idea as well, just to look for anything that might be wrong underneath the skin."

"Do it." Santana said and sat down on a chair beside the exam table.

Cody decided to make himself known then as he opened his arms, his little hands opening and closing as he pouted and said "Up."

I didn't even have time to question what she would do before Santana scooped him up in her arms and balanced him on her lap. She didn't even look stunned when he rested his head against her chest and his eyes drifted closed. Instead she just held him in her arms and had a small almost wistful smile on her face.

I was so busy being amazed at watching Santana interact with her son that I barely noticed the stitches being placed carefully in my forehead.

"All done." The doctor announced. "And who is this little guy?"

"My son." Santana said before I could answer. "But I need you to take some blood from him if that's possible. Is that ok Brittany?"

I wanted to ask why she wanted his blood taken, but I knew better than to question her right now. So I just closed my eyes too exhausted to fight.

"Brittany, please. You've got to let me check." Santana said quietly, her lips brushing against my ear because she was that close to me.

God she almost sounded like she was begging. But that wasn't right. Santana Lopez did not beg. Ok so there was that one time on her birthday that I…Ok focus.

"He's yours Santana. Please just believe me." I said sounding strangely defeated, I think it all sort of caught up with me, and now all I wanted to do was sleep, and I was fighting to stay awake.

"I do." The words were said with so much meaning that my eyes snapped open and I tried to focus on her face still so close to mine. She must have anticipated my next question, as I didn't even have to ask what she was checking then when he voice got even quieter. "I need to know that he's not like me. You know. With." She awkwardly tried to explain, keeping her voice barely louder than a whisper.

What?

Oh.

Oh!

"Sweetheart he's not. I promise. I um had them uh, check when he was born." Now it was my turn to awkwardly explain.

_I remember when we were first together, near the beginning that nervously one day I had asked about her. I knew the love, hate relationship she had with herself, and particularly that part of herself. _

"_How come you're different Santana?" We had just finished making love, and were lying with a sheet half pulled up over us, tangled in each other's arms._

_Immediately I felt her body tense next to me, as if she was going to brush me off like she had every time before when I had tried to start this conversation, so I placed a soft kiss on her chest, right over her heart, and then lay my head down against it._

"_I don't like being different." Santana said, and I was sure that was the end of the conversation, until I felt her hand slowly stroke through my hair. "When I was born, everyone was convinced I was a boy, it wasn't until I was about five years old that my parents started to suspect I was different." I felt a kiss pressed to the top of my head. "When my papa found out I was like this he was angry. He said I was a liability to him. That being female would make me soft, and having this." She emphasized that word. "Would make me confused and useless to him. He was so angry with my mama when she told me I could just be who I felt I was. That I shouldn't let the stupid chromosome anomaly define who I was. That I could just be anything I wanted. Since then I've always had to prove myself. Being different forces me every day to prove that I can better than everyone expects me to be. I hate it"_

_I trailed my hand down he abdomen until I cupped her in my hand and lightly squeezed. _

_A groan sounded from her lips and I smiled at the sound, turning my head I pressed a kiss against the edge of her breast smiling even wider when I saw her nipple tighten in anticipation of being touched._

"_I sort of love that you're different." I said, smiling as I squeezed her lightly again, feeling her grow harder in my hand. I laughed when she quickly flipped us over, the laugh quickly becoming a gasp when she thrust lightly into my hand, and kissed the side of my neck._

"_When I'm with you I sort of love that I'm different too."_

_And then there were no more words spoken. _

_Not for a while at least._

"So?" Doctor Pillsbury said, interrupting my thoughts.

"Uh." I tried to read Santana's face but couldn't. I was surprised when her fingers delicately traced over my cheek, and I saw her frown as she avoided the red mark. When her fingers brushed through my hair, gently massaging my head I closed me eyes and sighed.

"Just the CAT scan then doctor. Don't take all day about it either, we've got lots to do when we get home." I heard Santana say.

Wait, it sounds like she got that cocky grin back on her lips again.

That spells trouble.


	7. Chapter 6

Authors note: Seems like Santana didn't endear herself to anyone in the last chapter. Lets see if she can start to make amends here. I think this is the first new material on so um enjoy? Thank you as always you wonderful people for reviews, alerts etc.

Chapter 6

The CAT scan showed that I had a mild concussion. Doctor Pillsbury ordered, ok that's not the right word because people don't just order Santana Lopez around, strongly suggested is better. Anyway she strongly suggested that I be admitted for observation at least overnight. Before I could even protest Santana had huffed, and said that she could observe me far closer than any hospital would, and what should she actually be worried about.

I don't know why the thought of being in Santana's care both comforted and terrified me at the same time. Ok so she believes Cody is her son. But that hasn't really solved things for us. In fact for me at least things are a whole lot harder now. It would have been easier in some ways if she had rejected him I think, because then, maybe, I had a chance at being able to get back to Lima, Ohio and attempt to yet again rebuild my life. Now? Fuck well lets be honest. Now I'm screwed. Santana Lopez now knows that she has a son. They'll be no escaping again.

I think I spaced out for a bit, because the next thing I was really aware of was being in the godforsaken elevator again. I was being held tightly in Santana's arms, and wasn't even surprised when I glanced quickly down and saw Cody clinging to Santana's white pants again. The movement of the elevator descending caused my stomach to flip and roll and I pressed my face into Santana's neck, concentrating on taking slow deep breaths, letting her scent calm and sooth me. Now would be a terrible time to throw up. Not that there is ever a good time.

A soft kiss was pressed to the top of my head, and I heard Santana's soft and husky voice whisper to me. "Don't worry Brittany, we'll be home soon, and then you can rest."

I tried not to tense up over her use of the word home. Reno had not been home to me for a couple of years, and during that time most thoughts of the place had not been comforting. In fact I was seriously worried about the danger I was about to walk into.

In the limousine I sat in a Santana, Cody sandwich. Nestled between the two of them. Cody had his little hand firmly in mine, and Santana had gone silent staring out of the darkened window. She did have her hand lightly resting on my knee though, but I'm not sure if she was even really aware of the contact.

It was an awkward ride. Maybe even more so than the one to the doctors which had been thankfully broken by Cody's asking for a snack. Instead this one seemed almost as if all of us were stuck in our own thoughts. I reached out with my free hand and ran it gently through my son's hair. "Hey baby. How are you doing?" I asked. I wanted to pull him onto my lap and hold him close to me but settled with giving his shoulders a little squeeze instead as I still felt a little dizzy.

"Mommy, I tired."

I felt his head press more against my shoulder, and leant down to press a kiss to the top of it.

"I'm sorry baby. We can go to sleep soon. Right?" I directed the last word at Santana, but then realized she was still preoccupied gazing out of the window.

"San?" I said slightly louder to get her attention, immediately she turned her head to face me. For a second I couldn't speak because the look in her eyes was so lost and sad, but that quickly disappeared and work Santana replaced it.

"Yes?"

"Um, uh." I stuttered, suddenly nervous by this side of Santana. I missed the Santana that I knew. My Santana. This one was a whole lot more scary, and reminded me of her father. He used to look at me like that. I looked away unable to meet her gaze and stared at her hand on my knee instead. "Cody's tired, and probably hungry again. Are we almost there?" My voice was barely above a whisper but I know she heard me.

I was tired and hungry too.

The car pulled to an abrupt stop and my stomach lurched.

Ok maybe not so hungry, as I'm probably pretty fucking green right now again.

"Shit." Santana cursed, her hand squeezed my knee lightly, and Cody giggled at the bad word.

"Santana." I said my voice sounding stronger and containing a warning not to swear in front of my son.

Our son.

Fuck.

"Tana bad." Cody said with another giggle.

I almost laughed again as I watched Santana's mouth drop open, before it quickly closed again. Getting told off by an almost three year old was quite the humiliating experience.

"We're here." Santana announced her teeth gritted slightly in a forced smile as she leant over to open the door. Cody was helped out first, and then Santana held out her hand to help me out of the limousine. When I took it our fingers naturally entwined together, and there was a split second when we both looked at our joined hands and then each other before I pulled away first. Cody was quick to grab both of our hands linking us back together with him as the bridge, and thankfully breaking the moment once again.

I looked up at the all too familiar house in front of us. The limousine had stopped directly in front of the front steps that were made of white marble, and arched up in a steady slope to a huge entranceway. Understated was not in the Lopez family dictionary. Everything they had was grand and ostentatious. Sometimes I'd wondered what on earth Santana had ever seen in me when we were first together. She was beautiful, educated, rich, and powerful.

I was none of that.

I'm still not.

That thought caused my foot to stumble over the third step, and only Santana's strong arms and quick thinking stopped me from getting any more injuries today. Instead of risking me tripping again I found myself swept up once more into strong arms and cradled against her chest.

I wanted to protest, but honestly I was exhausted, nervous, and maybe I even needed the comfort that being held produced.

The door was opened by none other than a smiling Rachel Berry before we even reached it, she wasn't who I was expecting, her smile and habit of appearing and surprising me were both unwelcome. "Nice stitches." She said cheerily as we passed. Santana didn't slow down in the grand foyer like I expected, but instead started slowly climbing the staircase, Cody managing to keep up, in part because of her deliberately slow pace, until we were on the second floor. The floor I remembered was out of bounds to everyone but a few household staff.

We entered an all too familiar bedroom, and I was gently placed on the large bed.

Our bed.

_She had carried me to bed the day I had left. I had spent the morning throwing up in the bathroom. Not very pleasant I know, and a huge pregnancy giveaway. But Santana had just assumed that it was something I ate the night before, and at the time I wasn't even sure myself, I just had this niggling feeling in my mind that I might be the P word. I didn't want to share that feeling yet though until I was really sure. Anyway, after I was finally finished she had swept me back in my arms and carried me back to bed. She was so gentle with me laying me down on the mattress, and then covering me up with the sheet. When she placed a kiss on my forehead and started to pull away, I think I surprised her when I grabbed her top and pulled her down to the bed with me. _

_It hadn't taken a whole lot of convincing on my part to get her to stay with me. My hands just ghosted over her chest really before she was pulling me close to her side and kissing me._

"_Fuck Brittany." She moaned into my neck, and then bit the skin there making me gasp and press into the touch._

_My fingers trailed their way back and forth across the rigid muscles of her abdomen, I could feel them all twitch and jump at the contact and I loved it. Impulsively I slid them up higher, bringing the soft white material of her cotton beater with me until it was bunched up above her breasts. _

_We were still on our sides at this point, but as soon as I ducked my head down and took her nipple between my lips she rolled me over gently until she was on top arching into my mouth. Her hands were pressed into the mattress by my shoulders and her arms shook where they held her up, especially when I used my teeth a little harder than normal._

_I broke the contact with a groan of my own when she pressed down against me so fucking perfectly that I think I saw stars. Another slow thrust, and my hands instantly went lower pushing her boxer shorts off this time. _

_When Santana quickly reached into the bedside draw I almost told her what I was thinking, but she rocked once more against me and instead of speaking I clutched onto her shoulders with one hand, and cupped her gently with my other hand, giving a squeeze and getting a delicious groan in response._

"_Fuck Britt, just give me a minute." She gasped when I squeezed her again, biting my lower lip to contain my grin when I felt her thrust against my hand in response. _

"_One, two, three…" I started counting; with each word I gave her a gentle caress. _

_On seven she was rolling slightly away from me, and quickly rolling a condom on. _

_On nine she was back and hovering over my body once more. _

_On ten she placed a gentle kiss on my lips._

_And on eleven she held eye contact with me as she quickly thrust inside._

_I gave up trying to count after that as she pulled out just slightly, before thrusting in again, this time harder and deeper than the time before._

"_You feel so good." She groaned, her hand reaching down and pulling my knee even higher up around her waist, changing the angle slightly, opening me up to her even more. Her nails dragged up the outside of my thigh until her hand settled around my hip pulling me to her on each rock of our hips. _

_On a particularly hard thrust I gasped and she quickly stilled her body movement until I was forced to look up at her. God she looked so concerned that she had hurt me, but after seeing me biting my lip, and the look in my eyes, her cocky grin appeared and she put everything she had behind the next thrust._

"_San," I managed to gasp out that much of her name before she thrust into me again._

_My hands frantically scraped down her back until they clutched at her ass. On the next thrust I pulled her in even tighter to me. _

"_So close." She warned, ducking her head down and kissing me once more. The kiss was as frantic as our thrusting together was, and didn't last long before she pulled away and pressed her face into the column of my neck. _

_I wrapped my other leg around her hip, twisting my feet together at the back of her thighs. The angle shift was enough for her to hit that spot inside of me that causes me to shudder every time. _

"_Please." I begged. _

_That one word enough for her to know what I wanted. _

_Her other hand grabbed my waist causing all of her weight to press against me, and somehow she found the energy to press even harder and deeper than before. It was more than enough to make me come undone and I screamed her name. _

_I could feel the muscles of her ass flexing against my hands as she thrust into me again and again, her body shaking and quivering as she was caught up in her own release. Finally with a last cry of my name she stilled and collapsed against me, being careful to roll us over onto our sides almost right away._

_When she went to pull out of me I clutched her to me not wanting her to go. My body. All of me felt so needy for her. That I just had to have her in me for as long as possible. She smiled and placed a butterfly soft kiss to the tip of my nose before we curled up in each other's arms again. _

_My eyes drifted closed, and I must have fallen asleep. I think the last thing I remember her saying was "Have good dreams beautiful." Before a door clicked closed._

Cody crawled up onto the bed beside me, and instantly snuggled into my arms. I watched as Santana frowned and took a small step away from us. Before she could get further away I reached out and snagged her wrist with one of my hands. "Please don't go." I said, my voice sounded so quiet and I was unable to meet her eyes. I did however give a tiny tug of her hand, and released a breath I wasn't even aware I was holding when she sat down on the bed beside us.

As her hand reached out and hesitantly ran through Cody's dark hair ruffling it further I couldn't help but smile. Cody's eyes drifted closed and he snuggled closer to me. "You're going to make him sleep." I said not accusingly at all, merely as an observation. It would probably be a good idea for us all to try to eat something before that happened.

I don't even remember when I ate last.

Not that I haven't had times when I had to go for days without food in the past, but that was then, and I try really hard to forget that part of my life. Now I had to take care of myself, so that I could be there to take care of my son.

My stomach grumbled protesting its emptiness, and making Cody giggle.

I blushed.

"I'll go and get some food." Santana said as she stood back up from the bed and moved quickly out of the room. There was another second when I really wanted to call her back because it was almost that painful for me to watch Santana leave.

Shit.

My head is so fucked up.

I want her, and then I don't.

Ok lets be honest with myself. It's not that I don't want her because fuck have you seen her? It's that it's scary. And I have Cody now. I need to think about him first. I need to keep him safe, and I'm not completely sure that I'm safe with Santana Lopez.

Santana appeared surprisingly quickly carrying a tray laden down with food and drinks. I could see Cody's eyes light up over the sheer variety of foods placed on the tray, and arched one eyebrow in her direction to ask why. "I'm not sure what Cody likes." And I couldn't tell if she was angry or sad, as her tone was almost defensive.

Crackers, breakfast cereal complete with a jug of milk, fruit, sticks of vegetables with some sort of dip, chips and salsa, and what looked like peanut butter, banana and fluff sandwiches were all there, along with water, juice and milk. I quickly picked out a few items for Cody, and placed them in a bowl for him. I then lay out several napkins around him so that he couldn't make a mess and poured him a small amount of milk. I needed to get my sippy cups for him out of my bags as he does have a tendency to spill his drinks from a regular cup right now.

Then when he was happily munching away I selected some fruit, half a peanut butter, banana and fluff sandwich – that made Santana smile as she knew they were my favorite – and poured a large glass of milk for myself.

Even Santana helped herself to a few of the veggie sticks, some of the breakfast cereal – which in turn made me smile as I remembered how much she had loved cereal as a snack before bed – and the other half of the sandwich, finishing it all off with a bottle of water.

After everything was eaten, and then things were cleaned away back on the tray I helped Cody to use the bathroom, and get washed up and ready for bed. I asked if we could have our bags from the plane, but Santana said they were already unpacked and the toiletries were waiting for us in the bathroom. I think I managed to say thank you before I shut the bathroom door and locked it. It didn't take long unfortunately to wash up and get ready for bed and then I was carrying my now very sleepy son back to the bed. The bed where Santana was propped against some pillows watching us with dark unreadable eyes.

"He can sleep in here with us tonight if you want?" Santana offered pulling the cover of what used to be my side of the bed down.

I didn't argue and ask where else he would sleep.

I didn't have the energy to fight any more tonight.

You can bet it'll be something we'll have to discuss tomorrow though.

Santana went to use the bathroom to get ready for bed as I remembered our last 'discussion'. My hand traced the faded mark still evident on my cheek, it had been a shock that Santana had hit me, as she hadn't raised her hand to me in the past. I guess I don't know this Santana as well as the one in the past. Cody was already cuddled up close to my side fast asleep. I pressed lightly against the mark on my face, and winced slightly at the pain. Still tender. My hand dropped as I watched Santana walk towards me and climb into the bed.

"I." Santana started to speak and I turned my head so I could look at her easier. She was staring at her hands clenched on the bed sheet, they were curling and uncurling, and she gazed at them like they were strangers to her. "I'm so sorry Brittany." She said, so quietly that I wouldn't have heard her if I wasn't looking.

"It's ok." I said quickly even though it wasn't really.

"Don't do that." Santana's voice was a little louder now, but still quiet enough that Cody didn't stir.

"Do what?"

"Don't say that unless you really forgive me." She held up a hand to stall any comment I was going to make. "And don't forgive me so fast. I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry I hurt you. I had no right." She brushed a single finger ever so gently against the side of my face, so soft that I barely felt it. "I swear I'll never do anything to hurt you again."

"I hurt you too." I said quietly, it wasn't physical I know, but I'd still hurt her I know that.

"Then I guess we both have something to forgive the other for." I heard her say before the bedside lamp turned off and plunged us into darkness.

I don't know how long I lay there in silence occasionally turning one way and then the other in a futile attempt to get comfortable enough to sleep. I was exhausted, and my head was starting to throb, so why couldn't I just close my eyes and rest? I could hear Cody's deep breathing and I knew he was fast asleep. I wasn't sure if Santana was though because she was staying too still, it was wrong because she was always quite the um, active sleeper I guess you would say.

"San?" I whispered.

"What's up Britt?" her sleepy voice answered immediately.

"I'm sorry too."

I heard her sigh in the darkness, and then felt her fingers reach out and tangle with my own. I released my own sigh and closed my eyes.

Now I could sleep.


	8. Chapter 7

Authors note: Thanks again everyone, check your PM's if you reviewed last time I try to reply to you if you are not logged in as a guest (or have PM's blocked) as I truly value your feedback. And if you didn't get a PM then I just want to take this opportunity to say thanks.

And now on with the story….

Chapter 7

I woke up to bright sunshine, and for a few wonderful seconds everything was ok. I had been offered my dream job dancing. The first dancing job I would ever have that I wasn't ashamed about. The first one I could talk about in public if someone asked me what I did for work without blushing and mumbling my answer.

And then I remembered.

I had been offered a job-teaching dance.

And I had accepted.

But then Rachel Berry had appeared in my apartment, and my world had gone to shit shortly afterwards. Now I was back in Reno. And Cody and I were in bed with Santana Lopez.

Except when I opened my eyes expecting too see them, I realized I was actually in bed alone. I sat up quickly to look around the room for Cody; maybe he was playing on the floor? But the movement of sitting up made the world spin horribly and I collapsed back on my pillow with a groan, squeezing my eyes closed and swallowing the bitter taste of bile down my throat.

Ugh.

Learning from my mistake I moved more cautiously this time and sat up, waiting for the dizziness to fade before swinging my legs off the side of the bed, so my feet were on the floor. I had just made it to the bedroom door when I heard a sound coming from the bathroom. It sounded like someone giggling. Turning slowly around – I had learnt that sudden changes in direction weren't going so well for me so far today – I cautiously made my way towards it. Nothing however quite prepared me for the sight I got to see when I opened the door though! Santana was completely drenched in water, thank goodness she had pulled on a black beater today or Cody would have had quite the eyeful, she was sat on the floor splashing water at a giggling, naked Cody in the bathtub. His hair was styled up with shampoo bubbles into adorable spikes all over his head, and he was all out splashing Santana back. One wave hit her square in the face causing her to sputter, and Cody to laugh maniacally. I couldn't help but let out my own chuckle. The sound caused them both to look at the doorway where I was standing, and I laughed harder at their almost identical 'crap we're busted' expressions on their faces.

I made my way over to the bathtub and knelt down beside it. "Alright, enough playing lets get this soap out of your hair." I said, and then cupped my hands dipping them into the warm soapy water. But instead of washing Cody's hair I sent a wave of water right at Santana that caught her in her chest. For one second her eyes went dark, but then the corner of her lip pulled up, and I knew I was about to be in a whole different kind of trouble. I didn't have time to escape the splashing that came my way.

When it finally stopped, and we were all laughing by now, I helped Cody finally wash the shampoo out of his hair. Santana then helped him out of the tub and into a towel, and between us we got him dry and dressed.

"Ok Cody you play on the floor by the bed. Now I need to get dry." Santana said as she sent Cody out of the room. I was just about to leave too but my hand was held on my way past her. "You need to get dry too Britt." She said, her voice husky, and her eyes focused a little lower than my face.

I blushed when I realized that my top had become transparent, and I fought the urge to cross my arms in front of my chest. It was too late for that, as Santana already had an eyeful of my cleavage. Instead I took the towel that she handed to me and started by first drying my hair. The bathroom door was halfway open so we could hear Cody playing, but that didn't stop Santana from casually stripping her top over her head, and before I could even recover from that her sleep shorts were quickly shucked off next.

Fuck.

I couldn't help but blatantly look at her.

She's fucking magnificent in every way.

How could I forget just how good she looks? Because everything I had remembered about Santana faded when you compared it to the real thing. When she caught me looking, and hell I wasn't trying to hide it, but when she finally looked at my face I saw her cocky grin appear on her face, and I swear I saw her cock actually twitch as she took a step towards me.

I quickly took a step back.

It was too quick of a step back on a wet floor with my questionable balance as I felt my feet instantly slip out from under me. I braced myself for impact with the tile floor, but it never came. Instead I was pulled into a warm, soft body and held tightly. My hands automatically clutched onto her back for support, my fingers splaying out across the muscles they found there. Soft skin trembled under my touch.

We both stood there shivering in the chill air of the bathroom, too caught up in being close to each other again with so little between us for the first time in years to worry about the cold. I could feel my breath getting faster and heavier, and Santana's was matching mine breath for breath. Her face burrowed into the curve of my neck, and I shuddered when I felt her lips trace up the column of my neck until they settled behind my ear. A flick of her ever so talented tongue caused me to gasp and press her even closer.

"We should get you out of these wet clothes." She said, the words practically breathed out by my ear.

The words, hell the obvious desire behind the way they were spoken should have pulled me out of the moment. But it didn't. Instead I willingly lifted up my arms as my white skinny tank was removed, and before I really had any awareness of what was happening my shorts, and underwear were being slid down my hips until they pooled around my feet.

The first contact of skin against skin was fucking electric. I mean I think there were actual sparks between us. God it felt so amazingly good. I got lost in the feel of her skin pressed against me. Her hand brushed a strand of blonde hair away from my face, and then one her fingers traced up and down the back of my neck, the nail lightly scraping against my skin.

We moved closer together, our heads dipping towards each other. Eyes closing at the inevitable contact our lips were about to make.

Until a noise from the other room made us both suddenly move apart.

A knock on the bedroom door.

Ok it was probably a good thing because kissing her right then would have certainly led to something that I for one wasn't ready for, probably. And Cody was right in the other room. That didn't stop the groan of displeasure from escaping my lips and muffled curses from Santana's. I watched as Santana roughly dried herself off, before wrapping the towel around her body and going to the door. Only when she was a few feet away from me was I able to finally move and dry myself. By the time I was dry and dressed Santana was shutting the bedroom door. She had a frown on her face and didn't look at all happy. In fact after getting dressed into tight black jeans, a black beater, an unbuttoned black silk shirt, and well um accessories that I'm glad Cody didn't notice, she left the room with barely a "see you later" thrown over her shoulder our way.

"Guess we're on our own today baby. How about we go and find some breakfast?" I asked Cody as I helped him into his own shorts and a t-shirt for the day.

"Yay mommy!" He enthusiastically agreed, and off we went in search of food.

Luckily I knew my way around and we quickly made our way to the kitchen, we were just as quickly kicked out of the Chefs domain, sent to the dining room, and told that breakfast would be along shortly. Of course I was thrilled to find Rachel Berry already seated at the table eating some weird looking granola, and yogurt thing and drinking something that was green for some strange reason. I was told it was a wheatgrass drink, and politely declined some when Rachel offered to get me a glass of it, but Cody whispered to me that its unfortunate green color looked like booger. Unfortunately he whispered it the way that all toddlers whisper. Loudly. And Rachel shot him an unnerving sort of not really smile, I was pretty sure the only reason he was still ok right then was that he was a Lopez.

Thankfully Chef arrived with our breakfast and broke the tension. Pancakes with fruit and syrup for me, and pancakes with sausage, fruit and syrup for Cody. Rachel made a point of sniffing the air, declaring that she was a vegan, and then glaring at the sausage on Cody's plate. Great. Two strikes against him already from a trained hitman. Just what every mother wants for her son.

"Is everything alright Miss?" Chef asked as he set the plates in front of us, and then poured milk in two tall glasses.

I really must find the sippy cups.

"Yes. Thank you so much. It looks delicious." I said with a timid smile. It was weird having people that waited on me again. Not that I had ever really been comfortable with the idea in the past, but I had learnt to tolerate it.

"Thank you." Cody said and everyone except for Rachel grinned at him.

After a very delicious, although slightly tense breakfast, I said goodbye to Rachel and we went back to our room. Just as I was shutting the bedroom door I noticed that Rachel was waiting at the top of the stairs, she must be following us for the day, now I wasn't sure if it was because Santana had ordered her too, or Raul Lopez? Neither was a comforting option, although Santana was the lesser of two evils really.

"Mommy." Cody asked, his voice was a little shy and he was rubbing the toe of his sneaker into the carpet. "Who Tana?"

I knew this would come up again. That he didn't really understand what I had told him on the plane. Not surprising really as he is very young, and it had been a very stressful moment. I pulled him onto my lap and sat on the bed with him in my arms and stroked some of his wayward hair away from where it had flopped into his eyes.

"Do you remember baby when I told you about how special you are because you have two mommies?" I waited till he nodded his head before I carried on. "I knew Santana years ago, she was someone that meant a lot to me, and I loved her very much. And because Santana is super special, she was able to give me you. She's your mama."

Ok so that might be a difficult concept for an almost three year old to understand, and I gave Cody time to think about it, content just to hold him in my arms until the next question inevitably occurred.

"Why she go?" He asked after a few minutes and I felt my heart drop at the sadness in his voice.

"She didn't. I left her." I said knowing that this wouldn't be enough, but leaving Santana was too painful to talk about much. And more than Cody really needed to know right now.

"Okay." He nestled into my shoulder and hugged me tighter to him.

"I love you so much baby. So very much." I said kissing the top of his head and holding him tightly to me.

"Love you mommy."

The bedroom door bursting open and slamming against the wall made both of us jump, Cody even let out a startled cry and gripped me tighter. Santana stalked into the room, her face as angry as I had ever seen it before. She was cursing loudly and Cody's mouth was open in shock and amazement at some of the words he was hearing. I almost wanted to say something to make her stop, but on the other hand I really didn't want her attention on me when she was like this.

Too late.

I watched her slide to stop as she took in the sight of Cody and I on the bed. Her hand ran through her dark hair, leaving a smear of something reddish brown behind. Blood. Her blood or someone else's? Either way did I want my son to witness this? No. I think a similar thought sent through Santana's mind at the same time and she moved quickly to the bathroom, that door slamming behind her, and making us jump once more.

"I need to go and check on Tana baby. I want you to stay in here and play on the floor. Can you do that for me?" I asked even though really doing this was one of the last things I actually wanted to do. I just sort of had to make sure she was ok.

Cody nodded happily as I put some of his toys around him on the floor.

I knocked lightly on the bathroom door. My knuckles white from clenching my hand into a fist so hard, before I carefully opened it and stepped quickly inside, sitting the door behind me and turning to face Santana.

She was sat on the closed toilet seat staring at her hands that were resting on her thighs palm up. They were covered in blood, and I immediately rushed to her side even though my stomach clenched hard at the sight of it. I reached out and took them carefully in mine, and felt her instantly recoil from my touch.

"Ouch" She grunted out, and I noticed that underneath the blood Santana's fingers were looking swollen.

Moving to the sink I turned on the cold water, and held a cloth under the stream. Returning back to where she was still sat I slowly, and as gently as I could, started wiping off the blood to see what I had to work with. I knew from experience that Santana would talk about it in her own time if she wanted to, and that I shouldn't push.

"It's not mine." Santana said startling me slightly. Normally it would be too early for her to want to talk about it. I looked up at her and was shocked at the expression of sorrow in her eyes. God they were so dark brown they were almost black. It made me want to pull her in close to my chest and rock her back and forth, and I had to force myself into continuing to wipe off her hands.

"Fucking Ricky. Why did he have to do that?" Her voice caught over the name, and a spark of recognition hit me. Ricky. I knew that name I just couldn't remember who he was.

"I trusted him. Fuck. And he betrayed that trust. He betrayed me. Forced me. So I had to." Her sentences were coming out in small bursts, each sounding more sorrowful than the next. Making her hands into fists she slammed them hard into her thighs. "Fuck!"

I knew this was hurting her, and God I really can't stand seeing her in pain, so I took her hands in mine and tenderly cradled them to my chest. "Please San." I said softly as I brushed a kiss across the back on her swollen knuckles.

I just wanted her to calm down.

I brushed another kiss across the back of her hands.

I'd do anything to see that hurt look leave her eyes, because it hurt me on some level to see it.

Another kiss to the center of the palm of each hand.

And I guess because I still love her.

I do.

However fucked up that makes me.

Kisses to the tops of each fingertip followed.

In spite of knowing what she probably did to some guy called Ricky, it was hard to deny the feelings I had for her.

I wanted to comfort her.

And I guess it really didn't strike me until I found myself pushed down desperately onto the bathroom floor, what kind of comfort she was seeking.

Oh fuck.

Her hands were everywhere.

All over me.

I wasn't even really aware what was going on because it had all happened so fast, and I wasn't expecting it. One second I was kneeling beside her on the tile floor of the bathroom kissing her hands, and the next I found myself pressed roughly into the cold stone surface, pinned by a rather desperate Santana Lopez.

I didn't have time to say stop, before I felt my shorts pushed down to me knees and then her mouth was quickly on me. I was torn between wanting to push her away from me, and wanting to pull her impossibly closer.

Fuck.

God she was so good.

So fucking good.

My body arched up into her mouth as she devoured me.

When my body was trembling, and impossibly taut under the undeniable skill of her mouth and hands I felt her take one second to stop and check that this was what I wanted.

Was it?

I have no fucking clue.

I was too far gone to fight what my body so obviously craved, let alone speak. Fuck, it had been so long, and my body could remember how it had always been so good. It was all I could do to arch that millimeter closer to her lips and have her deliver me into the rapture she was promising.

I had enough awareness – miraculously – to bite my forearm so that I didn't scream before I was coming. It felt like I would never stop, as wave upon wave of pleasure hit me, each one causing my body to jerk upwards in an impossibly higher arc. Only stopping briefly when her lips finally left me, and sagging back down onto the ground.

Of course another wave was ignited when she gently pushed into me.

"Fuck Brittany, you feel so damn good. So amazing." Santana's voice sounded right next to my ear.

God this was wrong.

So fucking wrong.

We hadn't talked.

Nothing was resolved between us.

And this was an incredibly fucked up way to make her feel better.

It was going to cause nothing but trouble.

All those thoughts flew out of my head with another thrust of her hips.

"So good." I gasped when she hit that place inside of me that caused everything to be even more incredible and intense, and caused me to shudder.

"Fuck Brittany, I've missed you." Santana panted as she continued to thrust into me, making sure she hit, or rubbed against that spot every time.

A thrust that was slightly deeper than the ones before it had me biting my arm again so I wouldn't cry out. I grunted though at the follow up thrust, and quickly clutched at her shoulders.

I felt like if I didn't hold on to her I would fly apart.

And then just before it was about to hit, when it was so close I could practically taste it. She stopped again.

"Look at me Brittany." She requested, her voice coming out in harsh pants as she barely held on to her release.

My eyes snapped open and held hers.

One more thrust was all it took before we were both crying out in our release. My arms held her tightly to me as we both tried desperately to control our breathing.

I allowed myself a few seconds to enjoy the moment, before I made an effort to pull away. I could hear Cody playing on the other side of the door, and felt a flush of embarrassment that he may have heard something. It was the first time in a long time that my son hadn't been at the forefront of my mind.

When I felt Santana pull out of me, and move to lie beside me I instantly rolled away and sat up. I felt a tear roll down my face, and wiped it away with the back of my hand. Immediately Santana sat up beside me, crawling so that she was in front of me, and used her hand to tilt my chin up so we were looking in each other's eyes once more.

"Did I hurt you?" Her voice contained a hint of panic, mixed with worry.

I shook my head.

Hesitantly she leant forward and placed a kiss on my cheek, kissing away my tears. "Please tell me Britt. Talk to me." Another kiss to the other side of my face followed up her plea.

I took a moment to organize my thoughts.

"I missed you Santana." I pause and hope she doesn't try to interrupt me. "Every day I was gone I thought about you. But I left because I was scared, and that hasn't changed." I saw her frown at my words. "It's not just how I feel about you any more. It can't be. I have Cody. We have Cody. And I have to keep him safe."

God I don't know if I explained that right.

I frowned when Santana pulled back a fraction away from me.

"You don't feel safe with me?" She asked her voice a little strained.

The work face was back and I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry.

Time to step carefully.

"Everything I do is about keeping you safe! Everything. Fuck Brittany even today was to keep you both safe."

"What?" I asked interrupting her anger, but not able to prevent my flinch away at the look in her eyes. Yet again I obviously had no filter against her work face when it came to my son.

Running her hand through disheveled dark locks Santana released a deep breath. I could almost see her forcing herself to relax. "Lets talk later when we have time." I must have given her a look, because she quickly added on an, "I promise."


	9. Chapter 8

Authors note: I think sometimes as a writer you have an idea for a story, but the characters end up taking it in a whole different direction. And that's what happened in this chapter lol. Thank you as always for the amazing response to the last chapter. Just a little heads up that daily updates will slow down in the next few days.

Chapter 8

The rest of the morning passed quickly. The three of us stayed in the bedroom and even ate a picnic style lunch on the floor, sat on a large patchwork blanket that Santana had produced from somewhere. After lunch I lay down with Cody on the bed until he was asleep. It didn't take long until he was breathing deeply, and I carefully extracted myself from his hold. Making sure he was safe with extra pillows around him so he couldn't roll of the bed, I then made my way over to where Santana was sat out on the balcony sipping a beer.

She held out a cold bottle out to me but I shook my head and opted for a soda instead from the well-stocked mini fridge by the balcony doors. If we were going to talk I wanted as much awareness as I could, concussion notwithstanding. Sitting down across from Santana I took a small sip of my drink, and nervously tapped one of my feet on the floor.

"Did you know you were pregnant when you left me?" Santana said; I looked up at her in shock, really not expecting that to be the first thing we talked about today.

Her eyes darkened at my lack of an answer, and my mouth went suddenly dry, so I just nodded my head and then hung it down staring at the table, feeling already condemned by my actions.

"Why?" The single word was spoken with so much pain in it that my head snapped up and I looked at her.

Fuck. She looked hurt and confused.

"I was scared." I said softly. "I found out that day that I was pregnant, and I was so excited to tell you San that I went to find you, and I heard. So I ran." I shrugged my shoulders trying to explain, and knew by the look of confusion on her face that I hadn't said enough.

"You heard?"

"Your father." I knew by the tightening of her jaw that she was remembering the time. "I heard him, and I knew that having a baby would be seen as a weakness. That Cody and I were your weakness. And after hearing what he did to Finn I was scared."

"I would never let anyone hurt you."

I stayed silent not sure how to bring up that she couldn't make that promise against Raul Lopez. It was hard for Santana to stand up to her father in the past, and if I was being honest I had difficulty believing that she could in the future either.

"I've always protected you Brittany. Always." Santana said, her voice getting harsher, and sounding a little desperate as she went on. "You have to believe me that I would never let anything happen to you or Cody. He's my son. My blood. And you…" The anger that was building in her voice and evident in her eyes disappeared and she quickly stood up, made her way around the table to stand in front of me, and much to my surprise dropped down onto her knees there. Her hands reached out and took mine, and I heard her gasp as she noticed that I was still wearing her ring and she quickly looked up at me.

Fuck.

Santana had actual tears in her eyes. I could see them, and I wanted to brush them away. But I know that this time I was the cause of them, and I wasn't sure if they were happy or sad tears. If they were sad then last thing I wanted to do was anger her more.

I wanted to pull my hand away from hers but she was playing with the ring now, turning it round and around on my finger like I do when I get nervous.

"You still wear it." She finally said, her voice so husky sounding that I felt my heart instantly start beating faster.

God I love the sound of her voice.

"Yes." I managed to murmur, if Santana hadn't been sitting close to me, she wouldn't have been able to hear me. But as it was she placed a gentle kiss on the back of my hand, so I know she had.

"Why?" Her voice was equally quiet. Reverent almost.

God she didn't ask easy questions!

Why did I wear it?

I turned my head away, unable to meet her eyes, but straight away her hand cupped gently under my chin and tilted it back towards her.

"Why?" She asked again, this time her voice was a little louder, and the hand that cupped my chin moved to gently caress up and down my cheek.

Still I remained silent.

"Please Britt, tell me why?" This time her voice held a touch of begging, she was up higher on her knees, and her lips were close to my ear so that the words were sort of breathed quietly against it.

"You know why." I finally said surprised over how raspy my voice sounded this time.

Fuck, this was a dangerous game to play. I felt like I was playing with fire. Actually fuck fire, that's too safe. I was playing with goddamned explosives that were about to take me up with them!

I was painfully aware of how fast I was breathing. How rapidly my heart was now racing. And ok, yes how damn aroused being this near to Santana was making me.

"I think you wear it because you still love me." Santana said, and placed an open mouthed kiss on the column of my throat. "I think you've never stopped loving me." Another kiss, this one lower and near my collarbone. "Wanting me." This kiss directly on the collarbone, her fingers idly pushing the material to one side and sucking on my skin for a few seconds. "You wear it because I can still drive you crazy like no one else." Her lips moved lower at this, brushing against the soft cotton of my shirt until she pressed a kiss to the slope of my breast.

I wanted to throw my head back and close my eyes. The combination of the sound of her voice and the touch of her against me was overwhelming me, and we still hadn't really solved anything. But damn her she was right. She did drive me crazy and right now I was driven beyond rational thought for the second, ok maybe the third time today.

She pulled away from me and I actually groaned at the loss.

I felt dizzy with how much I wanted her.

Taking my hand she pulled me to my feet, and then with the gentlest of encouragement I found myself hoisted up, so that my legs went automatically around her waist. I could feel her pressing against me, and dropped my head onto her shoulder trying to remember to breathe. She walked over to a door and opened it. Not the bathroom or the hallway, but the door to one of her offices.

The sound of the lock clicking shut roused me, and I was about to worry that we had left Cody all alone asleep on the bed, when with a few keystrokes a camera flicked on to the room we had just left on Santana's computer.

"We can hear and see him, but he can't hear or see us ok?" Santana checked and I nodded my head.

Before I could wonder any further about what we were doing. Why we were in this situation again, I found myself pressed down into soft, plush carpet. The feel of Santana pressed against me again made me gasp, but the sound was quickly swallowed up by a kiss that started out as frantic, and just became even more so.

Sometime during that kiss, clothing disappeared, each piece revealing more of each other, each piece causing us to get even more desperate in our kissing, and touching. When my underwear was finally slipped down my thighs I was dizzy with need.

There were no thoughts going through my head this time.

No regrets.

No real awareness other than how Santana was making me feel right at this moment.

When she moved away a fraction saying. "Better not forget this time." And rolling a condom quickly on I grasped at her hips and actually pulled her towards me. But she remained where she was until it was in place.

Taking too long.

It was taking to long, and fuck I couldn't wait.

As Santana turned back towards me wearing her cocky grin, condom, and nothing else, I pushed her back on the plush carpet and quickly straddled her hips, pinning her in place.

"Fuck Brittany." She groaned as I rolled my hips against her, coating her with what felt like an already insane amount of my wetness.

If I was thinking, and didn't feel like I had liquid fire going through my veins right now, I might be thinking that this was yet again a bad idea.

But I wasn't thinking.

In fact for once I was focused solely on feeling, as with one thrust I quickly took all of her inside me.

We both groaned this time, and her hands quickly went to my hips as if they would dictate the pace. But I wasn't going to allow that. Instead I grabbed both of her hands and forced them above her head, pinning them in place.

Slowly I raised myself up, until barely the tip was in place before sinking back down on her again. It felt so mind numbingly good that I repeated it over, and over again. Each time going a little faster, a little harder.

My orgasm was building quickly, and I tried desperately to hold it back, to hold on to this feeling for as long as I could. I pressed my face into her neck, licking up the side of it, taking in the taste of her, and reveling in her gasps and moans as my hips kept up their motions.

I could feel her body under mine getting tighter and tighter.

"So close." She warned, her teeth sounded as if they were clenched together.

I was close too.

A few more thrusts were going to do it, I knew I couldn't hold back longer than that.

But before that happened Santana needed to know.

Because fuck it was true and I was done with lying to myself.

So ever so reluctantly I stopped my motion and looked down at her face. Right at that second it was the face of utter desperation. I could see the cords of muscle in her neck as she strained her head backwards, how wide her dark eyes were, as she thought I wouldn't get her there, how tight her jaw was closed to hold in her screams. She had once said no one makes Santana Lopez scream, a challenge I had happily accepted and proven wrong, many times.

"Brittany!" The way she said my name made me have to say this even more, because it was so true.

"Remember that note I wrote you?" I asked, not able to resist a gentle roll of my hips that in turn caused her eyes to roll back in pleasure and her lips to release a sigh.

After a second or so I saw her frown and then nod her head, even as she bit her lower lip.

"I meant it. I still do." I said rolling my hips again a little harder this time causing both of us to sigh.

"Britt." Santana whined her hands grabbing mine tightly, as her hips arched up into mine. I knew by the glazed look in her eyes that she hadn't realized what I was saying.

God she just felt so good that I almost forgot what I wanted to say.

I pulled back until only the mere tip of her was inside of me again, and held myself there. She groaned in displeasure, but eventually her eyes cleared and met mine once more. "I love you." I admitted, and before she had the chance to reply or process those words I sunk down on her once more.

This time I didn't stop, couldn't stop, as I thrust up and down on her faster, and faster. Riding her harder and harder. I bit her neck, not wanting to be too loud; I know sometimes I can be a screamer. Suddenly my orgasm crashed through me, it was so powerful that I had no control over the arching, jolting movements my body made. I couldn't even hold onto her hands anymore, and I could only vaguely feel her grabbing onto my hips and slamming her body up into mine until I heard her scream my name.

When the aftershocks of my orgasm finally released me, my body collapsed spent on top of Santana. I felt her arms come around my waist and her hands started slowly stroking up and down on my back, soothing me and helping bring me back down to earth. She was placing kisses to any patch of skin she could reach, and I smiled when some of them tickled.

I was just relaxing into her hold when she whispered, "I love you too." into my blonde hair.

My head whipped up so fast I'm surprised I didn't get whiplash. I stared down at her, she had a huge satisfied smile on her lips, and for what was probably the first time since I had seen her again she looked the most like my Santana. I couldn't help but ask, "Do you?"

"So much Brittany."

I leant down and placed a tiny kiss on her lips, a mouse kiss we used to jokingly call them.

The grin became a little cocky, and I arched one eyebrow waiting for whatever she had decided to say with a smile on my lips.

"I'd show you how much I love you. But I'm pretty sure you have to give me a bit of time to recover. Because damn I don't know what got into you, but sometime we have to do that again."

My face heated up in a blush and I buried my face into her neck embarrassed. I felt her chuckle, and press a kiss into my hair again.

"Come on Britt, why don't we go and wake up Cody? I want to spend as much time with you and my son as I can before my Papa flies in tomorrow."

My body went tense at the mention of Santana's father, and I felt Santana tense as well. Maybe she had just realized what she had said.

"He will not hurt you or Cody. I promise you Brittany. In fact I think in his own way last time he was trying to keep you safe." Santana said quickly, her arms held me tighter to her body, as though just by being close to her she could keep me safe.

Wait, what?

Raul Lopez was trying to keep me safe by threatening to kill me?

"I can't have this conversation like this." Santana said and gently rolled us until we were on our sides. She slipped gently out of me and then with a wry smile took off and discarded the used condom into a nearby trashcan. Then she pulled me gently back into her arms once more making me feel warm and safe. Well as safe as I could feel I guess when I wasn't really sure what was going on.

"Do you remember The Prophet?" The non sequitur of a question threw me off a bit, no idea where this was going now. But yes, I did remember him. Joe something or other, his last name wasn't that memorable. Sort of a preachy kind of hippy guy. Got a lot of followers when he preached against all the sinners in Vegas, and later Reno. A lot of followers. Got his nickname by claiming that the end was near if society continued the way it was in those cities. Called them Sodom and Gomorrah, or something like that.

"Yes." I finally said, realizing that I hadn't answered Santana's question.

"He got really popular Brittany, and has a ton of people. Papa hates him, but can't do anything about it because then he'd be in trouble with everyone. Anyway just before you uh left." She pulled me a little tighter into her arms and I turned my head pressing a soft kiss to her chest just above her heart. "He started asking a lot of questions about us."

"Us?" I interrupted. Why the hell would he care about me?

"Yeah, he actually wanted to find out all about you, but no one talked. I made sure of that." He voice sounded angry, and I knew I didn't want to look up in her eyes at that moment because I wouldn't like the Santana staring back at me. "My Papa. He saw you as a threat. He did. Because I love you. But he was worried because if that got out then The Prophet would have even more ammunition against the family, and could ruin business."

Ok, I still wasn't feeling any better about Raul Lopez.

Nothing was allowed to harm the business.

"No Britt, please don't do that." Santana said quietly and forced me back a bit so we had to look at each other. "Don't be scared. He was worried, but he knows that I love you. He understands that now, especially after you left. Fuck, I'm not explaining this well." She took a deep breath and started again. "Business is important. But family is more important. And you Brittany, you're my family. And Cody too."

Ah so now I am close enough to be family Raul Lopez is honor bound to protect me too.

Fuck.

Ok, well that does change things.

Not sure what way yet though, but it does change it.

"Ok?" Santana asked softly, one of her dark eyebrows raised in question.

"Can I have time to think about this?" I asked, equally softly. I'm sure I looked puzzled, but hell this was a lot to take in. The man I thought had wanted me dead for the last couple of years, actually had to keep me safe.

"Sure Britt, take as long as you need. But uh, well." She suddenly looked a little flustered. "He is coming to town tomorrow morning because of Ricky."

Oh yeah, right, Ricky.

Guess we have even more to talk about.


	10. Chapter 9

**Authors Note: So this is where the M rating really comes into effect I guess. This chapter took a different kind of turn, I apologize if it upsets or triggers anyone that is not my intention. I hope you can all trust me, and um be nice with the reviews I am worried to post this. I promise I will post an update tomorrow. Thanks.**

Chapter 9

It turned out that any further talk about Ricky was going to have to wait, because I noticed that Cody looked like he would be waking up soon when I looked at the monitor. Ok so I might have been looking for a way to avoid even more talking, but give me a break. My brain was already feeing pretty fried by what it had learnt so far. Learning about whoever Ricky was, and whatever he had done was more than my concussed brain could handle right then.

In fact after Cody's nap we were just about to go out. Cody wanted to see some of the city lights he had seen the day before and I just wanted to help him relax, this must be very strange for him so young, a long way from home and around strangers mostly. We were just about to go out when Puck appeared at the door with a serious expression on his face.

They exchanged a few words quietly. I could tell whatever was being said was not making Santana happy as her jaw became more clenched and her eyes became almost black. When she reached for her gun I made sure Cody was facing the other way so he couldn't see her pull it on.

I was pointing things out to my son from the window when she finally came over to talk to me. Her voice was barely a whisper as she apologized that she had to go out on "family business." But shouldn't be long. And I should just hang around and wait for her.

Half an hour ticked by as we waited in the room for Santana to come back, then another forty minutes. Eventually even I got restless. Cody had managed to be patient for the first fifteen minutes but after that he started asking if we could go out. When I could tell that we were seconds away from waterworks starting I gave in. Not because I always gave in to my son. But because waiting around was just stupid. Santana would know where we were; we were going in her car for fucks sake.

So I wrote a quick note saying sorry, Cody was cranky and we were going to go out for a drive. And then made my way downstairs.

Rachel Berry I swear had some kind of tracker on me because she appeared before our feet even touched the last step. She was smiling, and rocking back on her heels.

Fuck, was she wearing patent leather pumps with pink plaid knee high socks?

I tried not to look at them.

"Can I help you Brittany?" She asked, her mouth still in the wide smile that was starting to creep me out.

"Uh, Cody just wanted to go out for a bit." I stumbled over my explanation.

Would she stop us?

Maybe she thought we were going to run?

I didn't blame her if she did.

"I should go with you then. Just in case." She said and slotted in behind us as we made our way out of a side door and into the large garage that housed some of the Lopez's vehicles.

A dark Suburban was already idling there. Its tinted windows rolled up. Waiting.

I might have not climbed in the car if I hadn't been suffering from the remains of a concussion. But my brain wasn't working right and I made too many assumptions. For one thing I assumed that we were safe.

Wrong.

That Rachel was working for Santana.

Wrong again.

And that I wasn't really important enough to be bothered with.

How wrong can one person be? Turns out, pretty fucking wrong on all three counts. But I didn't think that at the time, instead I actually thanked Rachel when she helped Cody and I up into the car. It wasn't until we got through the gates and out into the city that I realized I'd put my son in danger, and myself too I guess.

The gun being aimed at me by a still smiling Rachel Berry was my first hint. It was a biggie. I clutched Cody tightly to me as my body started to shake in panic. Cody wasn't really sure what was going on, but when he felt my body tense he started to cry.

"Shut the fucking kid up. Right now." Rachel demanded all traces of her smile disappeared. Her eyes were cold now.

I rocked Cody in my arms and stroked his back soothingly. "It's ok baby. It's all going to be ok." I kept repeating over and over again.

Don't let me be lying to my son. Please.

But sometime later when we pulled up to a house I didn't recognize and I was dragged out of the car and in front of someone I didn't recognize I knew I was wrong. Joe 'The Prophet' was looking at me with wide dark eyes. They flicked between my face and Cody's until finally he met my eyes and didn't look away.

"Berry, take the kid somewhere quiet. I've got to have a little talk with Miss. Pierce here." He said. His voice was soft and had a silky sort of quality to it, but there was a hardness underneath that scared me.

When Rachel grabbed Cody I tried to hold him to me. But a punch to the back of my head from someone I couldn't see dropped me to the floor where I cried out in pain. I wanted to stay huddled up on the floor, my head was spinning so badly, but I could hear Cody screaming for me and I struggled to stand up on my feet again.

I took one step in the direction Rachel had taken my son before another blow forced me to the floor again. This time I could feel blood drip down the back of my neck and I wanted to cry.

Why was this happening to me?

"Uh uh Brittany. You should stay right there." A familiar voice said behind me as a hand brushed through my blood hair, it brushed it to the side almost tenderly before grabbing a handful of it and jerking me to my feet. "Well ok not quite there." It said again and laughed.

I don't know when I shut my eyes, but when I hazily blinked them open The Prophet was stood right in front of me. So fucking close that I could feel his breath on my face. I wanted to back up but I felt someone almost as close behind me and so I locked my knees to stop myself swaying and tried to stay still so I wasn't touching either of them.

"Brittany." Joe said, his hand reached out and he cupped my face with his hand. "Why are you back with her, when you know it is Gods plan that you're with me?"

Uh what?

His other hand reached up and slapped me so fast that I wasn't at all prepared for it and toppled sideways. Only the arms circling my waist behind me kept me upright.

"I asked you a question." He said, his voice full of mocking contempt.

I didn't have a single fucking clue what he was talking about, and it must have shown on my face because another slap arrived to the other side of my face, and I was pulled in tightly to the body behind me that was obviously responsible for keeping me upright. The body behind me was decidedly male, if I could tell right from the something hard pressing into my backside.

"You don't remember me?" Now he sounded angry, but I quickly shook my head answering his question so that I didn't get slapped again for not answering.

It didn't matter.

My answer angered him enough.

My head spun from another slap and I blinked to try to clear my vision.

When his hand reached out to cup my cheek once more I backed away from the contact. The man behind me chuckled, even as he ground himself suggestively into me as if that was what I wanted him to do.

"You used to dance for me." Joe said quietly, and immediately I was drawn back to the threat standing in front of me instead of the one right behind. "You were mine every Friday night for almost a year, until one day she showed up and took you away from me." As he got angrier his voice got louder until he screamed the last few words at me.

Oh fuck me.

An image of a shy young man filled my mind. Well shy at first. But first impressions could be deceiving.

He had always been a little handsy, even rough with me at times, and the look in his eyes had always been a whole lot predatory when I had to dance for him.

But he had been a regular and I'd needed the money, so however much it had creeped me out I would still dance for him every week.

"You remember me now." He said and it wasn't a question although I quickly nodded my head in answer again.

It pleased him and he smiled.

It wasn't a nice smile though and I shuddered at it causing the body behind me to chuckle once more.

"Mike, go and check on the kid. I can take it from here."

Mike.

Fuck.

How much has my life been some big fucking joke? I want to know who else in the world I can't fucking trust, because I can't do this.

I saw the face of a smiling Mike Chang who winked at me on the way out of the room we were in. I didn't have time to do or say anything to him before I felt myself being dragged by my arm yet again, this time in a different direction, away from where everyone else had gone. Further away from Cody.

Cody.

Fuck.

I struggled against Joe's hold but he just held me tighter.

We entered a room that was obviously a bedroom and I felt my blood literally run cold.

No.

No way.

I wanted time to stop.

Fuck that! I wanted time to reverse so that I hadn't been stupid yet again and left Santana.

I bounced when my body hit the bed, the force of my head slamming into the mattress actually caused me to lose a few seconds, and everything went black. It cost me, and the next moment I was aware of he was already pinning me to the mattress.

It was so fast.

So…violent.

I wanted to shut myself away in my head until he was done with me, but it all hurt so much that I couldn't do that. I wanted to fight back but he was so rough that my body hurt too much to do it. I wanted to scream, but each thrust knocked the breath right out of me. The one-second I closed my eyes to try to shut him out cost me a split lip from a backhand to the face. And so I was forced to lie there and just take it. Just be used. Hurt. Because I had no choice. No power. Nothing.

When he came inside me with a loud groan of my name I felt bile rise up in my throat and I forced myself to swallow it down, terrified of what he would do if I didn't. He rolled to the side of me, and lay panting on the mattress his arms pulled me close. They made me feel trapped, and I couldn't help but remember how Santana's arms made me feel safe.

Santana.

I wanted her to find me.

To make me feel safe again if anything could.

Tears rolled silently down my face even though I tried to hold them in. But every tear that dripped down stung something new, hurting me even more, until a quiet sob escaped my lips.

"You're crying." He said, his voice angry with me once more. "I'll give you something to cry over." He said and his hands closed into fists.

I don't want to remember what happened next.

I really don't.

But the next time I woke up, ok came to is more like it, I was in so much pain that I couldn't forget it. Thankfully I was alone in the room. Joe must have realized I wasn't going to go anyway. How the hell could I when he'd broken one of my legs?

Oh God don't remember the leg.

Just thinking about it made it throb and hurt more, and I clenched my jaw to stop from crying out because of the pain. I hurt so much all over that I could barely move a foot or so on the mattress to get to a patch that wasn't saturated in my blood and other things, when I did think about trying to get up to get to Cody I pushed up on my arms and instantly sunk back down to the mattress again. Fuck. I could actually feel the bones in one of my arm twist around and click, I just hope that they were actually clicking back into place, but knowing my luck I wouldn't be surprised if they suddenly pierced through my skin.

I felt hot and cold at the same time.

I think I was in shock.

I closed my eyes and prayed that my son was safe.

If I had to go through everything I had gone through all over again to spare him I would.

God please let him be safe.

Please.

I don't ask for a lot but I'm asking you for this.

I tried to think of Santana, to remember how even seeing her smile made me happy. How I loved to touch her and have her touch me. How she was always so perfectly in tune with what I wanted, what my body told her, sometimes before even I knew.

I should have told her…I should have told her everything, and now I was worried that I'd never see her again and get to tell her anything. God what if she never really knew how I felt, we'd had sex again, not made love, and I had told her I loved her…love her. But what if she doesn't really know. What if she never gets a chance to be a mother to Cody? What if I don't get to be a mother anymore…fuck don't think about that.

Don't think about anything.

Try to go numb.

I heard footsteps outside the door and tensed, regretting the move straight away as all of me simply hurt more. When the door swung open and Mike Chang appeared I didn't quite know what to think, so I just watched him warily as he made his way towards me. He held his finger to his lips in the universal signal of keep quiet and crouched down beside where I lay.

"I'm sorry Brittany." He said, his dark eyes scanning over my body. His hand reached out to touch me, and even though it hurt like I knew it would I moved away to prevent it. I heard him sigh and he looked sad, which was strange because he was on Joe's side. He had allowed this to happen to me.

"I wanted you to know that Cody is safe."

I stopped moving backwards at those words. Why would he tell me that? Was he a friend really? What the hell was going on, would someone please tell me that?

"I'm keeping him as safe as I can. Just hang in there. Please Brittany." He looked at his watch. "I've got to go before someone notices I'm gone."

And with that he quietly made his way out of the room shutting the door behind him. Leaving me with even more questions than I had before he had appeared. Obviously not everything was how it appeared, but I had no idea who I could trust anymore. I thought Mike wasn't even involved in things here in Nevada, but here he was, so maybe I couldn't trust him anyway. He had to be here on someone's orders that was for sure. But whose?

At least Cody was ok.

For now anyway.

More footsteps sounded at the door and I started to tremble when Joe walked back into the room once more. He made his way quickly over to the bed where he sat down on the mattress and looked at me. His hand reached out and stroked through my blonde hair, when I flinched away in fear he twisted his hand pulling it until tears sprang up in my eyes. I quickly blinked them away and hoped that he hadn't seen them.

When he moved to lie down beside me on the bed I sucked in my breath and held it. I was scared of him. I was really scared of him, and he seemed to enjoy that. I heard his breathing pick up in excitement and he pressed closer. The more nervous, afraid, and in pain I became, the more turned on he did, until he was rocking against me, his hands pawing at my body once again.

My eyes widened in horror when he moved back enough to shuck his pants down. And I bit through my lower lip to stop from making a sound when he forced his way inside of me once more.

"See Brittany, you're mine." He grunted in my ear, his breath coming out in fast pants as he rapidly thrust his hips against me, driving himself deeper. "You were always mine. This is how it's supposed to be. This is how God designed us to be. Together."

He picked up his pace thrusting deeper and I fought back a scream. On one particularly brutal thrust I yelped and he actually laughed. Who does that? When I whimpered on the next one his hands came around my throat and squeezed. Things went fuzzy and I felt mercifully detached. I thought he was going to kill me, and I was ok with that right at that second. Hell I wanted to die. I wanted to die so it would all stop and then with a horrible gargled groan it did and his weight collapsed against me crushing me to the bed again.

My vision was still hazy but feeling unfortunately returned, I could feel a stickiness sliding down the inside of my thighs. Bile rose up in my throat once more and I started struggling to push him off me, managing to just get him to one side and then feebly roll as far way as possible.

Footsteps sounded outside of the door and wondered who the hell it could be this time. Maybe Rachel Berry was on her way in to fuck with me, after all my mind and my body had been fucked with enough that she might as well let her go as well.

I don't know why I didn't expect Santana to appear. It shouldn't really of surprised me the way I did.

I watched as she pointed her gun in my direction, and had just enough time to cover my ears with my hands and then the shooting started.


	11. Chapter 10

Authors Note: Please read the note at the end of the chapter. Thanks. I didn't want to keep you all waiting, so I am posting this ridiculously early here.

Chapter 10

The first shot hit Joe "The Prophet" in his right thigh causing him to wake up with a shout. The sound didn't last long as Santana had now moved across the room and was standing in front of him, eyes dark blazing and gun pointing right at his chest.

"You should have seen this coming after hurting her. Now it's time to die." She growled angrily pulling the trigger sixteen times in rapid succession, each bullet caused his body to jerk off the bed until the gun was empty and just clicking as Santana continued to pull the trigger, and he slumped down on the mattress dead.

The gunfire drew people into the room and when I noticed them my body tensed in fear, I didn't even relax when I noticed that they were all Santana's people. After all Rachel had been at the house, and the car had gotten in and out easily with Cody and myself in it. So there must have been people that Santana trusted actually going against her.

I looked up into dark eyes that I loved so much and was terrified I would never see again. They immediately softened and assessed my body. "Can you move?" She asked me quietly, when her hand reached out to stroke my hair I couldn't control the way my body flinched at her touch. "Sorry." She quickly apologized and pulled her hand away. "Can I pick you up to get you out of here?"

I nodded my head and carefully maintained eye contact with her when she took off the long black leather jacket and wrapped me in it. I knew it was going to hurt when she moved me, so I concentrated on taking steady calm breaths when she swiftly picked me up in her arms, and cradled me ever so gently against her chest. She moved quickly carrying me out of the room and into a long hallway. I could see a few bodies lying off to one side and hoped none of them were Santana's people. A familiar and loud cry from the stairs made a sob catch in my throat and I searched the mass of bodies until I saw Noah Puckerman carrying a struggling, and clearly unhurt Cody in his arms, followed by a slightly bloody Mike Chang leaning against him.

I wanted so badly to reach out and pull Cody to me, and never let him go, but knew that my body would be unable to do that. In fact my body couldn't do very much right now except for hurt, and it was doing a fine job of that.

My breath came out in a hiss when Santana readjusted me in her arms. "Let's get out of here." Santana declared looking down at me with a worried expression on her face.

It was a struggle to keep my eyes open, not because I was tired, but because each little jostle shot another wave of pain through my body. I know Santana was trying to move carefully but that didn't make anything easier.

"Mommy?" Cody's voice sounded panicked and a little unsure.

"It's ok baby, I'm fine." I said but my words came out slightly slurred, and I started to think that maybe I was going to throw up.

"She's going to be ok Cody. I've got her now and we're on our way to the hospital." Santana said softly to our son, trying to calm him down. All the while looking at me with ever increasing worry in her eyes.

Fuck I must look in bad shape.

Which you know is good, because I don't want my outside not to match my insides.

"Ugh." I whimpered when we started moving down the front steps of the house outside and towards the waiting fleet of vehicles.

"Hang in there Brittany, we'll be with Doctor Pillsbury in no time." We climbed in to the back of the second SUV, just Santana and I, and then the door slammed shut and the car peeled away.

Before I could even protest that Cody wasn't with us a wave of nausea hit me and I couldn't hold it back. I threw up onto the floor of the vehicle and groaned. Santana held my hair out of the way with one hand, and held me securely to her with the other. All the time she was murmuring words of comfort to me into my ear. She handed me a few white paper napkins when I was finished and I wiped my mouth.

The car skidded to a halt and the door swung quickly open.

I jumped at the movement of hands reaching into the car towards me. I think I even moaned a pitiful "No" in protest as Santana continued to attempt to sooth me.

"Come on Britt we're here. I need you to let them take care of you. Please. I promise they'll make you feel better." She said quietly her lips brushing the side of my face. But when a man I didn't know tried to lift me out of her arms I shrunk away from them and buried myself in her embrace.

Too soon.

It was too soon to have a strange man touch me.

"Shush Britt, please you're safe now." Santana cooed at me, and it was only then that I realized I was repeating, "No, please stop." Over and over again.

In the end Santana carried me to the gurney they had for me and placed me gently on it. As soon as I was down gloved hands strapped me to it. I fought against the restraints terrified all over again, until Santana ordered them to slow down. "Can't you see you're scaring her?" She demanded.

I tried to find her face in the sea of people as we moved into the building and swiftly through to a large sea foam green tiled room. A mask was placed over my face, and I was asked to take deep calming breaths. Someone stuck something into the back of one of my hands, it hurt a little but then I felt something cool enter my veins and immediately relaxed. Some of the pain dulled down from a roar to a throb and I sighed in relief.

A bright light was shone in my eyes and I winced. It made me want to throw up again, but it quickly moved away. I'd just suppressed the urge when hands touched my right leg, and I cried out at the contact. Even with whatever painkillers they were giving me that hurt! Voices were everywhere all around me, loud, demanding, and between the head injury and the painkillers it was getting hard to maintain perspective of the here and now. I looked around desperately for Santana, and when I spotted her over by the wall I tried to reach out my hand towards her. Quickly she made her way to my side and tenderly took my hand. I watched as she brushed a kiss against the back of it before I closed my eyes and let go.

If Santana was watching over me I was safe.

I could hear beeping, although didn't quite have the strength to open my eyes. I think I could hear voices too and I immediately felt my body tense up, before I made out Santana's voice and felt her take one of my hands.

After she cooed calming words to me for a few minutes she must have thought I drifted off to unconsciousness again because she started talking in an angry, harsh voice.

"I need to know exactly how bad she is." Her tone really left no room for argument, and I wondered what she was talking about, and to who.

That was answered quickly when I heard Doctor Pillsbury speak. "Ms. Lopez I'm not at liberty."

Santana cut her off.

"Fuck that!" She cursed. "When Brittany wakes up, I need to help her. And to be able to help her I'm going to have to know how fucking bad it is so I can lose my shit now, and not in front of her." I heard her let out a sigh and when she spoke next her voice was softer. "Look, I know it's bad. I saw her with that…I saw her. I just need to prepare myself. You gotta help me here." It was as close as I'd ever heard to begging someone else by the end.

"Ok." Doctor Pillsbury gave in and I heard Santana – I assume – let out another sigh before gently starting to stroke her thumb across the back of my hand.

"You're right. It was bad. In fact if I didn't know the facts I would have thought she had been beaten up by a whole group of people. I can't believe one person did all this damage." A kiss was pressed to the palm of my hand, as the doctor continued. "Well, You know we had to put a few screws and a rod in her right leg to stabilize it. A pin in her left arm which will need a soft cast. She's got several broken ribs, and a few cracked ones. A lot of superficial cuts and scrapes to her back, a nasty bite to her right breast and another on that side of her neck too. A concussion, and nasty laceration to the back of her head, and a hairline fracture of her right jaw." The doctor paused and I felt Santana place another soft kiss to the hand she was holding.

"Give me the rest." She ordered, but her voice broke on the last word and I could tell she was crying.

"I had to stitch up several lacerations to her vaginal wall. There's a great deal of bruising as well. I want her to have antibiotics for a while, as infection is a big risk. The tests are already being run for STD's, and when she wakes up I need her to take emergency birth control if she's not on anything, just in case."

"Fuck." I heard Santana curse quietly and then she started to cry harder. She let go of my hand, and I missed the contact. I felt her pummel the mattress I was sleeping on, again, and again. "I killed that bastard far too quickly. He should have suffered for what he did to her."

"Ms Lopez." Doctor Pillsbury said in what was probably a comforting manner, but it didn't stop Santana's rage.

"If I could bring the fucker back I'd kill him slowly this time." She was ranting now, and I heard her mutter a few words angrily in Spanish.

"Santana." Doctor Pillsbury said, this time her voice quieter, and more comforting. "She'll heal. In time it will all heal. But it'll take a long time, and she's going to be in a lot of pain. She's going to need you to help her get through this."

I felt my hand being held again, and this time the touch of her relaxed me. I started to feel sleepy. Fading in and out until it all went black and quiet once more.

The next time I woke up and heard the beeping again I struggled to open my eyes. The lights in the room were all dim, but even then the brightness hurt my head and I groaned.

"Brittany?"

Santana's slightly blurry face came into view.

I tried to smile at her but it came out as more of a wince because everything hurt. Literally everything. The pain made me flinch, which in turn made everything hurt much worse. So bad in fact that I couldn't hold in a groan of pain.

"Let me get Doctor Pillsbury. She can give you some more pain medication so you don't hurt love." Santana said. She stroked her fingers gently through my bangs before placing a quick kiss on my forehead.

I wanted to hold her hand to make her stay. I didn't want to be left alone. But I wasn't fast enough and she was gone before I could even lift my arm off the bed.

"Ugh." I groaned again letting my arm drop heavily back to the bed, the impact making me want to curl up in a ball.

When the door to the room burst suddenly inwards I jumped. God, I was already tired of hurting so much, and being scared.

It was exhausting to hurt this much.

"Hi Brittany, how are you feeling?" Doctor Pillsbury greeted, rubbing her hands together with the antibacterial hand wash as she made her way over to where I was laying.

"All h-hurts." I said quietly. My throat was sore and it hurt to talk. For a second I couldn't think why it would, but then I remembered the feel of his hands around my throat the last time choking me and I shuddered.

"Britt?" Santana said softly taking my hand again in hers and sitting as close to the bed as she could get. "You're safe now darling and he can't touch you again." She said quietly, reading my mind.

"Well, I can give you some medication to help with the pain. It's not going to go completely away though, not if you want to stay awake anyway." Doctor Pillsbury warned. "Let me just listen to your lungs and check you out a little first though. Ok?"

I nodded my head, only feeling a little anxious about having someone other than Santana touch me, even though this person was a doctor and I had known her quite well a few years ago.

I was forced to endure several uncomfortable minutes of being prodded and poked. Even though the doctor tried to be gentle it still hurt when she touched anywhere broken, bruised, or cut. Just when I thought it couldn't get worse Doctor Pillsbury started to blush, "Um I just need to have a check of um." She gestured at my pelvic area and I felt myself start to blush as well realizing what she wanted to do. I wanted to shut down and have my brain go somewhere else, but Santana was playing with my hand gently stroking it and placing soft kisses on my palm and fingertips, and my connection to her was keeping me grounded to the now instead.

The blanket was moved carefully until it covered only from my waist up and I felt as my body started to tremble. I stiffened when I felt cool hands touch my thighs.

"St-stop." I squeezed my eyes shut, all of my muscles tense.

"Brittany." I heard Santana sigh my name. "You need to open your eyes for us my love." I did what she asked, and met her gaze. Her eyes were a dark brown, intense and deep, but soothing to me and I felt my muscles relax a small amount just by looking at her. "Please let the doctor check, we need to know that everything is healing. The faster you heal up, the faster you can come home." She pleaded gently with me, stroking hair away from my face, lulling me into an uneasy calm.

I can't say I really relaxed, but I did let Doctor Pillsbury check how I was healing, even though I'm sure we were both blushing scarlet by the end.

"Very good Brittany." The doctor said, as she peeled off her sterile gloves, tossing them quickly in the bin. "Let me go and get some medication for you to take and then I'll be right back."

Santana pulled her chair closer, one of her hands brushed my sweaty bangs away from my face, and carefully tucked the strands behind my ear. I made sure I was watching her the whole time, I needed to see it was her touching me because she was the only one I could stand to do it. When the doctor came back in carrying a cup of water in one hand and a cup of pills in the other I shrunk back a little into the softness of the mattress.

"Ok, I've got pain medication, antibiotic, anti inflammatory, and um…" She looked suddenly awkward. "I've got emergency birth control if you need it too." The words came out in a rushed breath and it took my scrabbled brain a few seconds to work out what she said, when she did I blushed and turned my head to look out of the window. I couldn't meet anyone's eyes.

"I uh, I need t-time to d-decide." I said stuttering over a few of the words, my throat felt raw still and it hurt to talk.

"What do you need to decide?"

If I had to describe Santana's voice when she asked me that question I would go with a controlled explosion, I literally closed my eyes at the anger in it and couldn't control the way my body started to tremble once more.

"Ms. Lopez." Doctor Pillsbury attempted to soothe her.

"No." Santana said loudly cutting her off, and making me shake harder. "What the fuck do you have to decide Brittany?"

"We…" My voice came out super quietly.

"What?" Santana still sounded so loud and angry that I couldn't look at her so I kept gazing out of the window.

"We had sex, before…me and you." I tried to clarify my thoughts into something that would make sense. "I just…I don't want to destroy a chance of making a life with you."

God did that even make sense?

I heard Santana sigh loudly and felt the bed sink down beside me with her weight. "Jesus babe." Her voice sounded choked, and I finally turned back to look at her. She had tears streaming down her face, and when she noticed me looking she quickly tried to brush them aside with her fists, but more appeared until she shrugged and tried to smile through them.

"I want you to take the pill Brittany. We, if you want to, we can um try again if its something you want later on with me. But I need to know that he can't hurt you any more. I need you to be ok. So please take it for me." Her voice was so soft now, and she reached out and touched me so gently down the side of my face that the bad shakes were replaced by good ones.

I nodded, unable to speak.

So I took the pills, and drank the water for her, and watched as the doctor injected something into the drip going into my hand. Almost instantly my eyes started to droop, and I glared at the doctor.

"You need to rest." She said without apology, a small shrug and a smile.

I fought back a yawn, and Santana placed a delicate kiss on my forehead.

"Rest my love. I'll be here when you wake up. I promise."

So I did.

**Authors note (2):** I was worried to post the last chapter and I know I lost some readers because of the content. I will start by saying that in no way will Brittany be pregnant, or get a STD or AIDS from Joe in this story. I do however defend what happened to her by saying that yes it was horrible, and dreadful, but it happens as a form of revenge on women more than it we probably know. I had several comments on the rape not being necessary….when is rape ever necessary? But to be realistic to the story would he have taken her for anything else? Maybe to torture her, maybe because he was interested in Cody? I decided that he had always sexually been interested in her, and was angry and trying to assert that she was now his. Now she has to heal from it, and try to stay safe in future.

I have another update for you tomorrow, and then they will slow down as college starts for me soon.

Thanks for still reading if you are.


	12. Chapter 11

Authors note: Wow, thank everyone for the awesome amount of reviews and I really enjoy reading them and seeing what you think. This is the end of the daily updates, but hopefully the next part won't take too long to finish up. Enjoy!

Chapter 11

I stayed in the hospital a week before I was allowed to leave, as long as I followed strict instructions, which were to get plenty of rest, and take it incredibly easy. I had two limbs in various types of casts so I was hardly about to go out dancing. In fact I could barely move without wanting to cry, I just couldn't stand the hospital room for another minute and was going stir crazy, so I begged Santana to get me out of there. I might have even pouted a little to get my own way, but seriously have you ever spent any significant time in a hospital bed? If you have then you know it sucks. The food is awful, the bed is lumpy, and the place is fucking noisy. Not to mention there's no privacy anywhere and strange people were always walking into the room and making me nervous.

I was happy to get back in an actual comfy bed, and have my son curled up next to me. Cody had been allowed to visit me every day in the hospital, but I had still missed him. I decided after the first night that I really hated being apart from him, and we had both cried when Santana had parted us that first night. He had visitedRight now though he was chattering on happily about his day, nestled in my arms where he belongs. He seemed happily unaffected by the ordeal he had gone through. Apparently Mike had looked after him a lot, and even saved him at the end, throwing himself over my sons' little body and taking a bullet to the thigh that was intended for him. Cody had just thought it was all kinds of cool, I don't think it had felt real to him. Santana had been furious, and had actually called in a hit by Kurt 'Porcelain' Hummel, on Rachel 'The Mouth' Berry, we knew it was successful when a porcelain figure of a little boy was delivered to the house two days after the hit was called.

Good.

I was glad that I would never have to see her smiling face again.

It was one less thing to worry about.

I hadn't bounced back unfortunately as well as my son. I had nightmares that would leave me crying and shaking in pools of my own sweat. I couldn't stand to have stranger around me, particularly strange men. And I still hurt. A lot. I kept having flashbacks, not just to what had happened in the room, but back even further to when I was a stripper and before.

"Mommy?" Cody asked and I blinked to try to focus on my son once more.

"Sorry baby, what is it?" I asked trying to pay attention again.

"Where Tana?"

Santana had gone to pick her father up at the airport; he had delayed his flight and was now due to arrive today instead. I had insisted that Santana go and pick him up, in the hope that we would set off on the right foot and he would be happy.

"She had to go out baby. But she should be back soon. Do you want to watch some television until then?" I smiled when he bounced excitedly up and down on the bed, even though it hurt, it made me happy to see him happy.

Within a few minutes of the television playing I could feel his body getting heavy against mine, I watched his face as he slept against me, it was so peaceful and innocent it made my heart hurt.

I can't even remember if I was that innocent ever. Even as a kid I had moments that I made my parents so very angry with me, they always told me I was stupid, and never thought about my actions.

It was easy to lose innocence quickly with that kind of life.

"_Brittany, get your backside in this room right this second." My mother yelled from somewhere downstairs._

_I wanted to stay curled up in my bed. Maybe If I hid behind all of my stuffed toys she wouldn't find me? But she had before, and the memory of her literally dragging me out of the bed made me reluctantly move. _

_When I shuffled into the living room and saw the broken pieces of one of my mother's favorite vases sitting on the coffee table in front of her I knew I was in trouble._

_Big trouble._

_My lip trembled, and I clenched my hands into fists at my sides so they wouldn't shake._

"_How did you do this?" My mother said, her voice raised and angry._

_I poked my big toe into the carpet and didn't look at her. _

_She wasn't going to like this._

"_Uh…" My voice trailed off._

"_Speak up Brittany." She shouted and I flinched at the noise._

"_D-dancing."_

_I had been dancing along with the radio to my favorite song, twirling around and around when the blanket I had been holding must have caught where the vase was on a shelf because it fell to the floor and broke. I tried really hard to fix it but my glue stick wouldn't hold the pieces together. In the end I had shakily hidden it behind some books and hoped that no one noticed._

_The slap to my face made my lip tremble and bleed where I bit it._

_I was sent up to my room for the rest of the day without dinner, and not allowed to dance for a month._

_I was eight years old._

The bedroom door shut with a click bringing me thankfully back to the present, and I smiled when I saw Santana walking towards me.

Fuck she looked sexy.

Tight black pants that left little to the imagination. A white silk shirt that had the top few buttons undone, and a black leather jacket completed the look. She sat gently down on the bed beside me and lent over pressing a barely there kiss to my forehead, before gently ruffling Cody's dark hair with her hand, her fingers lingering in the dark strands a few seconds extra, I knew she was still relieved that we were both ok. Both back beside her. She had hardly left our sides since we had been reunited, only her father coming into town, and my insistence she greet him and forced her to leave this time.

Her feet came up and rested on the comforter, and I would have complained that she really should take her boots off first before resting them on our bed, but honestly that required more energy than I had right now. So instead I leant carefully towards her, smiling when her arm automatically lifted up and she helped me get comfortable before resting it back down around me.

Her fingers brushed against the back of my neck alternating between playing with the short baby soft hairs there, and running her thumbnail up and down. Eventually her hand settled in my hair, I know she loves to play with it, God I love it when she plays with it too. Sometimes it can be exciting, but today…in fact for the past few days it had only ever been comforting. Its one of the few things she can do without unconsciously triggering something in me that makes me flinch away from her. Both of us hate when that happens, and it hurts us both. I hate that he still hurts me, and that I let him hurt her. I hate that I have nightmares about what he did to me whenever I close my eyes, and sometimes when they are wide open too.

Sometimes I think the hate will eat me alive if I let it.

"Britt? Come back to me babe." Santana said quietly by my ear breaking me from my cycle of depression. I thanked her by pressing myself tighter to her body, and took comfort from her arm tightening fractionally around me.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, and I could feel my body relaxing and getting heavy with sleep again, but instead of sinking into it I fought to stay awake, stay with Santana. "San, can you tell me a story?" I asked, my voice coming out at barely a whisper, but I know she heard me when she chuckled. In the past I used to make her tell me stories whenever I had woken up from a bad dream, there had been a lot at the beginning although they had faded away as my life with Santana replaced the time before her. Now they were back with a vengeance though, and I was scared to close my eyes and be drawn into them again.

"Sure." She placed a kiss on the top of my head and held me even tighter, sighing when she felt me body tremble and instantly loosening her grip. "Uh ok, once upon a time there was this little girl and she was really special, but she didn't know she was special because no one ever told her that. No one loved her enough to show her how magical and wonderful she was."

"This is a really depressing story." I said pressing closer to Santana's side again.

How was this supposed to cheer me up?

"Hush you, and let me continue." Santana said, and pressed another kiss to the top of my head. "Anyway, one day when the little girl was all grown up she met someone. Someone who could show her how special she was. Someone that loved her, more than she had ever loved anything else before."

I felt my breath catch in my throat.

Wait.

What?

But the story continued, even as my brain buzzed around trying to catch up. "She tried to show the other girl how special she was, but the other girl didn't always believe it." Santana said, " I guess the years of constantly being put down had taken their toll, but that didn't stop her trying. She would buy her flowers because she noticed how it made the other girl smile when she would hold them close to her face and breathe them in. She would hold her close, kiss her, touch her gently, and tell her that she made her the happiest person in the whole wide world. Because she did…she does. And she would take her dancing because the other girl loved to dance above everything else, and when she was dancing she looked happy and free."

"You got that part wrong." I interrupted when Santana paused to take a breath.

"Really?" Santana asked the trace of a smile evident in her voice.

"Uh huh, the girl loved the other girl above everything else, and that made her the happiest." I said with a small smile.

"Then why did you really leave?"

Uh.

I tried to work out how we had gotten from me saying I loved her, to why I left. I thought I had already told her that. I was scared and so I ran. When did this become about me? What happened to just a story to cheer me up, take my mind away from my horrific nightmares so I could rest.

I sat up and moved away from Santana on the bed, being careful not to move into where Cody was still fast asleep. I would have moved further but shit I forgot how much trying to make my body move hurts, and also because she grabbed hold of one of my hands and held it to her chest. I could feel her heartbeat pounding against it and I knew that she was nervous.

"You loved me Brittany, and I know you still love me. And I know as well that my father scared you, but why didn't you wait and talk to me, why did you just go?" Her voice was soft and gentle, I think if I had heard any sort of judgment in her tone then I wouldn't have tried to answer, but there was none there and so I searched my heart for an answer for her.

It was easy really to find.

Simple.

And just as scary to face today as it was all that time ago.

"I'm not special."

"But you are." She started to argue and I cut her off.

"I'm not Santana, and you're the only one that can't see that. And one day you will see that. You'll see that I don't deserve you. That you could do better than me. That I'm not worth your love or anything else because, well, I'm not worth anything."

I wanted to cry. To curl up into a ball and just sob because it was all true. I wasn't anything. I squeezed my eyes closed so that I couldn't see her face.

"Your father was right, I'm not worth possibly getting hurt over."

"Stop!" Santana said through gritted teeth. "You've got to stop this and look at me Brittany." She sounded angry and immediately my body started to shake, I know she wouldn't hurt me but the anger was heavy in the air and I just couldn't control my body's reaction when faced with it. "It's ok my love." She said, her voice sounding immediately softer as she gently pressed kisses to the top of my head again. "But please look at me babe, we need to talk about this. You have to understand ok?"

I forced myself to take a deep breath, it came out a little shaky but that was alright. Then I blinked my eyes open and turned a little so that I could look at her. She smiled as soon as our eyes made contact, and I couldn't help but smile back. My hand was still pressed to her chest and she started to slowly stroke my fingers, before she very slowly picked it up and pressed a kiss to the center of my palm. Our hands then twined together and moved down until they rested between us on the mattress.

"The first time I saw you I knew that I needed you in my life. You were just standing beside the bar, your hands were nervously playing with a straw in your drink and I watched you blow bubbles in it. I thought you were adorable. And then I saw you up close and you took my breath away with your beauty. Your eyes that first night were so unsure, but so trusting of me. You knew that I wouldn't hurt you didn't you?"

I nodded, my mouth was probably hanging open from her words, but at least I responded.

She smiled at me and continued.

"And that night you brought me more joy than I ever thought was possible. I had been so nervous that you would reject me, and I don't know what I would have done then because honestly I think I was made just for you."

A tear dripped down my face, and I rubbed my face on my shoulder to try and brush it away.

"I'd never been with anyone before."

Ok my jaw definitely dropped at those words because I was sure Santana had some experience before me, she had been so confident, and so sure.

She chuckled at the expression on my face and I felt myself blush. "It's true. I think secretly I was waiting for you. Like I wouldn't be able to trust someone enough to be with them before you. Because something in you Brittany calls to me, it makes me braver, and smarter. It's my reason for living. You're my reason for living. And I know that you don't think the same about yourself as I do, but that just tells me that I need to try harder show you everyday how special you really are Britt, because I love you, and I'll never leave you…and I never want you to leave me again either."

We were both crying by the end of the speech, Santana brushed her tears away with the back of her hand before gently using her thumb to brush mine aside.

I know I should respond to what she said but I had an overwhelming urge going through me right now so I acted on that first. My hand untangled from hers, raised itself from the mattress and gripped onto the white silk shirt she was wearing. I tugged her forward until we were only a fraction apart and gasped, "Kiss me." against her lips.

When Santana just blinked and looked at me slightly startled I decided to take matters further into my own hands, and so with another gentle tug of her shirt I pulled her that fraction closer until our lips connected. It was soft, gentle, and I knew she was trying to be respectful and not freak me out, but damn it, it wasn't enough, and so with a needy sort of groan that would have embarrassed me if I was more aware of making it I opened my mouth and brushed the tip of my tongue against her lips. With a sigh her lips immediately parted and I happily sunk into the kiss, making it deeper, more, until I got lost in the feel of only her.

I don't know how long we spent kissing until we finally pulled apart panting slightly, our foreheads rested together, and we gazed into each others flushed faces. I blushed when I felt Cody shift against me, and was thankful that he could sleep through pretty much anything. I remembered Santana's beautiful speech to me, and I realized I had a promise I wanted to make to her too. So I made sure I was looking right into her eyes when I said.

"I promise never to leave you again."


	13. Chapter 12

Authors note: So, I am a horrible person for not updating. But I went back to college a few weeks ago and have just been horrendously busy and uninspired (not a great combination), anyway I hope that this update can make up a little for my absence. Thanks for all the reviews etc, sorry for not replying to them this time but I thought you'd prefer an update, and then I hope to go and get some writing done.

Chapter 12

A noise woke me up sometime later, and I struggled to identify what it was as I blinked open my eyes and tried to wake up. The room was full of bright sunshine that irritated my headache a little, but felt too good on my skin to shut out.

The noise reached my ears again and this time I could clearly tell that it was giggle, specifically my son giggling. But I couldn't see him on the bed, and so I carefully rolled myself onto my side so I could look around the room a bit better. I took a second to adjust to the new position wincing a little at the discomfort in my ribs and well just pretty much general discomfort in my whole body. I hated this lack of movement, it reminded me too much of being confined to my room as a child, and I resented the limitations my own body had given me. I missed dancing. I missed Santana. Fuck I missed dancing with Santana a lot.

Another giggle and now I could clearly see the dark hair of my son bobbing around behind a…um was that a mattress fort?

A smile tugged at the corner of my lips when Cody and the source of his giggles came into view. He was riding on Santana's back like a baby chimpanzee, his arms were around her neck and his little legs were wrapped around her waist as she crawled about the floor on her hands and knees. I smothered my own tiny giggle with the back of my hand when I heard Santana make the chimpanzee noises that were making Cody giggle.

God they were so good together.

I'd robbed them of this.

I'd taken away the chance for them to do this all along.

For Cody to have two parents to play with and love, and for Santana to be able to see her son grow up. I took away the option for her to witness her own son being born.

A wave of guilt crashed into me, and I wasn't even aware of the sob that was ripped out of my throat from it until Santana quickly made her way over to me on the bed and rocked me in her arms. Cody wrapped his arms around me too, and tried to rub my back like I did with him.

"I'm sorry." I repeated over and over as they both held me in their arms.

"Please Britt can you tell me what's wrong?" Santana asked a minute or so later when I still couldn't stop myself from crying.

"Mommy sad." Cody said and pressed his face against my neck placing a sloppy kiss there.

My breath came out in little shuddering gasps and hiccups as I tried to control myself. Eventually stopping and returning to normal although I was unable to look Santana in the eye and tell her why I was crying in the first place.

"Hey Cody can you get mommy a cup of water and some tissues from the bathroom?" Santana asked. I opened my mouth to say something as Cody hurried to help, but Santana automatically knew what it was and said, "I made sure all the cups were plastic so he couldn't get hurt." And then she gently cupped my face in her hands, her thumbs brushed away my tears and she asked very gently. "What's wrong?"

I had to take a deep breath before I could speak because I knew I might start crying again, how could she not hate me?

"Please babe. Tell me." Santana whispered as she pressed a kiss to the top of me head and then looked at me, I could tell she was searching my face for answers.

"I'm s-sorry I k-kept you from your s-son." I said stuttering over a few of my words in my apology.

"Oh Brittany." Santana said with a small sigh, sitting back and away from me a little so I could see her face better. "You're here now and that's all that matters to me."

"But I."

"All that matters." She repeated firmly cutting off my apology, and leaving me with no doubt that she meant what she was saying.

Cody walked back in carefully carrying a half full cup of water in both of his hands and a collection of toilet paper which he had stuffed into the pockets of his shorts, he had a proud little smile on his face. He handed them both to me and then looked at Santana and said "Up Tana." Giggling when she swooped him up onto the bed between us.

"Thanks baby." I said pressing a kiss to the side of Cody's face after I drank the water in two mouthfuls and wiped my face with the tissue. He smiled at me and I smiled back before wiggling my eyebrows and making him giggle once more.

A face pulling battle commenced with all three of us trying to outdo the person before, but really all of us ended up winning because by the end we were laughing so much

Cody nestled against my chest for a few minutes after the laughter had ended before becoming restless and shifting away so he could look at me. "I play Beth?" He asked with a hopeful looking smile on his face.

"Is Quinn still here?" I asked. I hadn't seen Quinn since the plane ride and I can't believe I didn't ask how she and Beth were.

"Yes, I moved her into the guest house by the pool with Noah when you were in the hospital. I thought you'd want her to stay close by, and I know Cody and Beth get along well."

"Pool?" Cody picked up on the one word and started bouncing on the bed excitedly. Each jump was a little jarring for me, but I loved how happy he was, he seemed to smile and laugh all the time now, and that made me in turn unbelievably happy because as a parents, wanting your child to be happy is your number one priority, or it should be.

I gently ran my hand through Cody's dark hair, it was maybe a shade lighter than Santana's, the same way his eyes were a shade lighter. Sometimes in the past I had wished he had looked more like me so strangers wouldn't feel the need to comment that he must look like his dad. That and sometimes having him so physically resemble someone that I missed so much hurt. But now seeing them side by side I was grateful that they looked so much alike. Of course then a mischievous expression crossed their faces at the same time and I knew I was in trouble.

"Mommy we go Beth." Cody said with a small pout.

"Pwease." Santana said with a pout too and I couldn't prevent the eye roll I gave her for encouraging our son.

"Please mommy." Cody pleaded, and blinked his chocolate brown eyes for good measure.

"Ok, but I want kisses from both of you before you go." I said, and this time I pouted.

"Yay!" Cody shouted and quickly pressed several kisses to me face before climbing off the body and starting to take off his clothes so he could put his swim stuff on.

"How about I take Cody to go and play with Beth and Quinn, and I'll have Noah stand guard over him. Then I can come back and we can talk and cuddle, I told my papa we wouldn't see him till dinner so we have all afternoon." Santana said as she gently ran her fingers through my hair, and pressed a kiss to the side of my head.

"Mmm that sounds great." I said shyly. I was almost afraid to spend time alone with Santana, and that was just stupid because I know she wouldn't hurt me like he did ever. But she might expect some level of intimacy that I'm just not ready for at all, and I don't mean physical intimacy because I know Santana wouldn't try anything when I'm hurt, but what if she wanted to talk about it? What would I say? So far we had both avoided the topic, but I'm naïve enough to believe it would stay that way forever.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I felt a kiss pressed to the top of my head and watched as the two people I love most in my life left the room hand in hand.

Hardly any time passed before Santana came back in the room, in fact if I had to guess by the way she was breathing she must have jogged or ran back. Still, she came into the bedroom and made her way to the bed where she kicked off her shoes and sat down beside me. "Are you comfortable?" She asked, and I shook my head before we both scooted down the bed a little further and then Santana lay back, opened her arms with a half shy-half loving smile and I settled down on my side in her arms. Her arms came lightly around me and again I marveled at how safe she made me feel, my head pressed against her shoulder so I could breath her scent in and out, and immerse myself in her.

I gave a happy little sigh.

"Better?" She asked, there was a smile in her voice and I knew she already knew the answer but I confirmed it anyway.

"Yep." I said making my p pop and causing her to chuckle.

"It's been a long time since you were here last like this." Santana said in a quiet voice, and I tensed slightly knowing that the talk had begun.

We hadn't laid like this curled up in bed since before I had run, and a wave of guilt washed over me again for taking her away from her son, and not trusting her enough to keep me safe. "We've missed out on a lot." I said, my voice just as quiet and I pressed my face into the curve of her neck letting the scent of her calm me.

"Can we ask each other questions for a bit?" Santana sounded so unsure, so I placed a small kiss on the bare skin of her neck hoping it reassured her, and nodded my head. "Mmm ok I'll go first. Can you tell me about Cody's birth?"

Yet again Santana surprised me with what she wanted to talk about, although I guess it shouldn't as she already has quite a strong connection to her son.

"He's going to turn three soon, on the tenth of June. I went into labor early. He was thirty-five weeks; so a bit premature, although he hasn't had any complications really other than he wasn't turned properly so that part was tricky. He weighed five pounds and three ounces and was tall at twenty and a half inches. He was beautiful. He's still beautiful…" My voice trailed off as I remembered the day and how much I had wanted Santana beside me like she was now, although I had thought at the time running from her was the right thing to do.

"I wish I was there." Santana voiced what I was thinking. "God Brittany, you're the bravest person I know."

Um what?

I shook my head in denial and I know she felt it because she immediately started talking again discarding my protest. "You are. You left me and that must have been terrifying because you thought your life was in danger. I know it can't have been easy raising him alone. And I know you must have been scared the whole time about being found, but you still did the most amazing job, because our son is amazing Brittany, and that's because of you."

"But I shouldn't have been scared. I'm not brave. If I was brave I wouldn't have run." I said denying all the good things she had said about me, refusing to see myself how she saw me.

"Maybe you shouldn't have run, maybe that's right. But you did what you thought was right, and you kept yourself and our son safe."

"I didn't keep myself safe." I said in little more than a whisper, and suddenly we had shifted to a whole different, and far more scarier topic.

"You did everything in your power to stay with me. Nothing that happened was your fault. If I'd have just told you about Ricky…"

"What about Ricky?" I interrupted.

I felt her arms tighten around me and her breaths were become shaky. "It was my fucking fault you were taken ok!" The words came out in one harsh sentence and I would have cringed away from her but her arms held me close. She released a sigh and said "Sorry." When she must have felt my body tense up before she continued trying to explain herself. "Ricky was my chauffer for the past five years. I trusted him, but then I heard that he had been seen talking to The prophet."

I couldn't control the way my body trembled at the sound of his name in fear and repulsion.

"It's ok baby, I promise you're safe, he can't hurt you any more." Santana cooed taking a minute to gently rock me in her arms until I had relaxed a little again.

"If I'd told you that we just had to promote someone new to the job, and if I'd told you what he confessed to…that he was ordered to take you to him…then you never would have got in the fucking car knowing that someone was after you."

"It's not your fault." I said, knowing that Santana blamed herself for what had happened to me.

"I should have kept you fucking safe Brittany. He hurt you. He hurt you in the worst possible way, and I couldn't stop it happening."

Ah, the real problem.

I knew we'd get here eventually.

"You can't always keep me safe San." I whispered into her neck, I could feel her start to cry and wanted to turn so that I could hold her in my arms, but my body wasn't going to co-operate if I tried to move. "And he." I stopped because I didn't really want to talk about him, but she deserved to know the truth. "He knew me from before."

Her crying stopped suddenly.

In fact everything went silent like the air was suddenly too thick to even breathe.

It all felt heavy.

"Before?" She asked. The one word came out sounding like a horrible mix between nervous and furious.

"I'd had to dance for him." I felt the shame at what I had been forced to do to just survive burn my cheeks.

You can't escape the past apparently.

"I really killed him too fast." Santana growled, "He was one of the men that hurt you."

Santana had held me after enough nightmares early on in our relationship that she knew a lot about my past. I confirmed it with a small nod of my head.

"Well then it makes sense why he's always been so interested. He never forgot you."

"And why Mike was in Ohio if he worked for him." I said trying to piece things together in my head.

"Mike Chang?" Santana asked sounding confused all of a sudden.

"Yes."

"He doesn't work for The Prophet, he never has. He works for my papa."


	14. Chapter 13

Authors note: Thanks for all the reviews to the last part. I promise I will get back to answering them again with this part. Life is a little too busy to do that this time if you guys want the update This is the longest part so far, and has some sweet moments. Anyway thank you again everyone. Enjoy.

Chapter 13

That doesn't make sense.

If Mike works for Raul Lopez, then he would know that I was in Lima for months before I was 'found' by Rachel or Noah, or whoever wants to say that they found me. He would know about Cody, because Mike sure as hell knew about Cody, and I can't imagine working for, and at the same time withholding information from Raul Lopez if you wanted to stay alive.

"How do you know Mike Chang?" Santana asked sounding her unerring blend of dangerous and suspicious, but still surprisingly gentle and soft.

I know she was making such an effort not to scare me.

"Mike owned First Step dance studio in Lima. He offered me a job a little while ago teaching." I explained quietly.

"You're telling me Mike Chang knew you in Ohio? For how long?"

"Uh." I wasn't really sure what she wanted to know, and now we were both tense.

"Sorry Britt." I felt Santana release a sigh as if she was forcing herself to relax again, so I released a sigh and attempted to do the same thing. "How long have you known Mike Chang?" She stroked her fingers gently through my hair.

"I think around a year or so, he arrived in Lima after me and started the studio up straight away. I used to take Cody there to mommy and me dance class."

"Fuck." Santana cursed. "I don't understand why…I think I need to have a little talk with Mr. Chang."

"Please promise me you won't hurt him." I pushed myself away from her, wincing at the pain that shot through my body at the move. I had to look into her eyes, but she wouldn't look at me. "Santana, please. He saved Cody's life." I cupped her face with my hand and tilted it until she was looking at me, her eyes that were always so expressive, and one of the things I love the most about her looked so tormented.

"I don't know if I can do that. I don't want to break a promise to you Brittany, and I'm not sure I can keep that one. I need him to talk. I need to know why my papa kept you and Cody a secret for over a year. I need to make sure you're safe now. Both of you." She looked away not meeting my eyes again, and I realized this was as much as I could hope for.

I had to know that Cody was safe too and that Santana's father didn't have anything planned, because if he did what the hell was I going to do? Run again? I'd promised Santana I wouldn't, and I know that I can't part her and Cody again, not now they are just getting to know each other, and not when I am really just coming to understand how much I love her. I honestly don't think I could make it through being apart from her again.

"Please try to understand Britt, you are my number one priority. I love you."

"I love you too." I responded straight away. "It's just…" my voice trailed off as I was unsure how to explain my doubts and fears correctly.

"What is it Brittany?" Santana said softly. When I didn't answer immediately she gathered me gently up into her arms and we lay back down on the bed once more. Her hands started stroking up and down my back in soft, gentle patterns, never straying far from the column of my spine, and for once it didn't make me flinch or jump, I think because I was just trying to relax and enjoy the sensation of her touch. And because I was thinking, thinking how to tell her how I felt.

"I love you." I said again and felt her release a happy sounding sigh which made me smile. "But I get scared sometimes though. Of you." I felt her tense and hurried to continue. "Since I came back it feels like there are two Santana's. My one, the one that I love, that is becoming a great mom to our son, and is a patient, kind, and gentle lover. But there's work Santana too, the one that hit me, has talks to people like Ricky that end in bloodshed, and is really, really quick to get angry."

"You knew I was in this business when you fell in love with me." Santana quickly defended herself. "And I already said how sorry I was that I hit you. I swear I'll never do anything like that again."

It felt like she was coiled tense beneath me, as if at any moment she would push me from her, so I turned my head and placed a quick kiss on her chest, just over her heart where my head had been resting. And then I somewhat awkwardly propped myself up so I could see her face again.

"I know that." I scrunched my eyes closed for a second feeling a headache start to build behind my eyes. "And I've come to terms with what you do. I really have."

She was frowning as if she didn't understand my point. I guess I wasn't explaining it very well so I took a deep breath and tried again.

"You weren't like this as much before I left. You were more mine, and less work." I wasn't sure how else to explain, and my sudden headache was making it so hard to think of the right words to say.

It was all coming out wrong.

"You left me Brittany." Santana said as if that explained everything, and I know I frowned at her words.

I know I had left, didn't I already say that?

"I was so angry. That's not right, first of all I was terrified that you had been taken, I tore the room apart but then I saw your note. And it didn't make sense. It didn't make sense that you would say that you loved me, but that you would still leave. I thought everything was perfect between us. That we were perfect. So I, uh, went a little crazy. I was convinced that if I could find you, I could explain and make you love me again. So I put contacts out all around the business until…"

Her explanation trailed off and I wondered what had happened so I asked.

"Until?"

"Uh, until my papa said that I was weak for loving you. I that I was wasting resources from the business, and should just get over you. That I needed to be tougher if I was ever going to continue the Lopez family business, and that if I didn't start acting like the boss I was then he'd just take Reno back. Then the business with The Prophet got all out of hand, and this sort of feud developed, I think he even said you were safer away from it all…like you being gone was a good thing."

I think my heartbeat was hammering in my ears by now and muddling my thinking more because this was not making any sense. "I thought he was ok with me?"

"When Noah found you he said he was. He said that you were family. Changed his tune about it all. He said he would welcome you into the family. Fuck. You're right Brittany this isn't right, I think I was too fucking happy and relieved to have you back that I didn't really question why he was ok with it all now."

There was a moment of silence where we both let the implications sink in, or at least Santana did as I battled what was swiftly becoming a monster headache.

"I need to talk to Mike Chang." Santana finally broke the silence.

I blinked open my eyes as her body shifted from under me, not even sure when I had closed them. The light in the room felt blinding and I groaned in pain as I quickly shut my eyes again and pressed my face into the coolness of the nearest pillow.

"Let me get you some of your pills." Santana said quietly, and I heard her quickly hurry to the bathroom. She was back a few moments later and helped me roll over on the bed. She had a cool cloth that she placed on my forehead, a glass of water and two pills that I gratefully took before lying back on the pillow and closing my eyes.

The curtains were pulled closed throwing the room into semi-darkness, and Santana returned to the bedside where she tucked me into bed, pulling the sheet up around me and placing a kiss on the side of my face.

"I want you to rest. This was too much for you, I should have made you sleep more." She apologized placing a kiss on the other side of my face.

The pills, the dark or the cool cloth were all starting to work. I tried to smile at her to show that I was ok, or would be after a nap, but it came out more like a yawn causing her to smile. When she went to leave I quickly reached out for her hand though. And with a soft "Of course." Because she knew I needed her to stay with me until I fell asleep, she sat on the edge of the bed.

A noise awoke me sometime later, and between the darkness, and the lingering effects of my headache, and the pills I took, I couldn't work out what it was right away. But then my brain made the associations and I realized it was the shower going and I relaxed back onto the pillows. When I looked around the room I could see a patch of light where the bathroom door had been left open a crack.

Ugh great now I need the bathroom.

A few minutes later the shower shut off, and a minute or so after that Santana emerged from the bathroom with only a towel around her. It might have been more effective at covering her body if it wasn't only around her shoulders so she could dry her hair.

I reached over and flicked on the bedside lamp causing the room to get a little brighter, and making Santana smile at me. "Cody's eating dinner with Beth, Quinn and Noah. I'm going to go and pick him up for bed in a few hours." She said making her way over to the bed.

So we had a few more hours to ourselves.

My eyes roamed over her body taking in every delicious and perfect inch of her.

Wait that's new.

In fact there were two new things marring her perfect body, two small little white waterproof bandages that covered a few inches of skin each, each one just below the point of her hipbones on her abdomen. So low that if she had been wearing boxers they would be covered. I must have been staring because I heard her chuckle as she sat down on the bed, and then picked up one of my hands and pressed it to one of the bandages.

"You're not hurt are you?" I asked delicately tracing around the outside of the white tape. I smiled at her gasp when my fingers became a little adventurous before realizing that I was teasing her, and it was obviously having an effect.

"Do you want to see?" Her voice was smoky and deep, like cognac and velvet and I carefully nodded my head. The earlier need to use the bathroom had disappeared to be replaced by a whole different need.

Her fingers started to carefully peel away the tape, and my eyes never strayed from what she was doing. I know we should be talking about what she found out from Mike, but right now what the tape was covering was the only thing on my mind.

It was a tattoo of my name.

Fucking hell.

And on the other side was Cody's name.

I traced my fingertips over the black italicized letters going back and forth, brushing across her skin.

"When?" I barely recognized my voice.

"When you were sleeping at the hospital the last night, and I knew you were both safe. Just before you came home with me. I wanted to get something that would always keep you close." She said with an almost shy smile on her lips, her fingers brushed through my hair pushing blonde strands back behind my ears before continuing to caress up and down my neck, occasionally tracing the shell of my ear causing me to tremble in what was definitely a good way.

I leant forward a bit and brushed my lips across the markings, causing her to gasp and her stomach muscles to clench and tremble under my lips. I smiled and pulled away to look at her. "Santana Lopez you are just too perfect for words."

The look of hunger in her eyes made my smile dim. "I can't, I'm not…I'm sorry." I said quickly glancing down and away from her, unfortunately only managing to look down at her erection. I really wasn't ready for more than kissing right now, and felt terrible for getting her so um excited.

"No apologies are necessary Brittany." She quickly covered herself up with the towel giving me a cocky grin and a wink making me smile back at her. "Is your head feeling better?" She effectively changed the topic and the mood that had been brewing.

"Uh huh. But I could really use the bathroom." I admitted still blushing lightly.

"Ok let's do this."

Very gently I was cradled in her arms and carried to the bathroom, Santana staying true to her perfect self, turned around facing the bathroom door and giving some element of privacy.

Ugh, well that's unfortunate.

"San, can you pass me a tampon please?"

God that's embarrassing.

Yet again I hate how I can't just do something myself.

I hate being weak.

And I really hate when my body feels out of my control.

"Really?" She asks and turns to me with a big smile on her face.

I'm not sure why the hell I'd joke about a having a period or why it would be such a good thing.

"Thank God." I heard her murmur as she passed me the box of tampons so I could leave them within reach.

As I was washing my hands it sunk in. I had my period. I guess it was a relief. I mean I'd taken the pill in the hospital, but it was nice that I couldn't be pregnant.

"Ready to go back to bed?" Santana asked looking at me in the mirror, her face had a soft smile on it that tugged up the corners of her lips. When I nodded my head she swept me up into her arms again, placed a quick kiss on my forehead and then carried me back to bed. Once there she placed me carefully down on the bed and then settled down beside me stretched out on her side. Her hand reached out and her fingers stroked gently through my hair. Her lips were pulled up into a smile, and it made me happy to see her so happy.

"Do you need any pills for pain?" Her fingers traced down the side of my face, and then trailed down my neck.

I shook my head unable to talk and she grinned as her fingers continued to trace swirling patterns over my body. It just felt good for her to touch me, and I was getting better about relaxing and trying to let it happen.

My stomach rumbled making us both laugh, and I looked at the bedside clock. It was late. Well past dinnertime.

"Weren't we having dinner with your father?" I thought that's what she had said, although my headache earlier wasn't helping me recall events so well.

"I cancelled. Said you didn't feel well today and we would do it tomorrow instead. He decided to go to a few clubs in the city instead."

"M-Mike!" I suddenly blurted out, remembering that Santana had gone to have a talk to Mike Chang before I fell asleep.

Santana's face went dark, her eyes become even darker brown, her lips were pursed, and her eyebrows pulled into a frown. "He won't talk to me. Said he will only talk to you. I don't like it." She added the last words even though it was unnecessary, every part of her voice and her body showed how much she didn't like the idea of Mike wanting to talk to me. And honestly remembering the last few times I had seen him, I wasn't too thrilled with the idea of us talking either. But if it meant finding out what Raul Lopez was really up to then I'd do it.

"Will you be there?" my voice came out quietly, although I was pleased it didn't shake.

"Of course Britt."

"Ok then." I quickly agreed before I could really think about it and change my mind.

"Are you sure Brittany, because I know I can get the information from him if you'll let me. You don't have to do this." Santana said, her hand gently stroking through my hair.

"No, I want to find out why."

"Why?" Santana picked up on that one word and I felt her whole body tense up once more.

Ugh this could go very badly.

"Yes um why uh." I mumbled trying to brush off her concerns and stop the inevitable anger. "We should eat first and then go, we still need to get Cody back." I said and made an effort to roll away so I could sit up.

Fuck.

I groaned as my whole body protested the idea before rejecting it completely leaving me to collapse back on top of Santana's body and grimace as my stomach did slow rolls and flips over from the pain.

I was just about to try to move again when I felt Santana's arms close around me. "Britt just lay still for a minute." It wasn't a demand, more of a suggestion that I reluctantly had to follow.

Her hands gently touched my back again but this time I flinched, the pain making the memories of before a little closer. Her hands pulled away as if I had burnt her, and I sighed and pressed my face into her shoulder.

I hate this.

I really fucking hate this.

"P-please hold me." I said quietly.

"Are you sure?" She sounded so uncertain that it actually hurt more.

"I need you." I admitted forcing my body to accept her touch as her arms tenderly draped themselves around my waist. I turned my face towards her neck and took a few breaths inhaling her scent that was so uniquely Santana, allowing it to wash over me and calm me.

"Is this ok?"

I pressed my lips against the side of her neck in a soft kiss, smiling into her skin when I heard her sigh happily at the contact. "This is perfect."

We lay in silence for a few minutes just basking in the joy of being together. Well, silence until my stomach growled making itself known again.

"Let's get some food in that beast." Santana joked as she carefully helped me up until I was sitting on the edge of the bed. "Then we should visit Mr. Chang and hope he talks quickly because I really want to spend the evening with Cody and you watching a movie in bed." She bent towards me and placed a kiss on my forehead being careful to avoid any of the bumps and colorful bruises.

In the end Santana ended up calling down for some food to be delivered to us quickly in our room before she helped me to the bathroom again. She helped me change my clothes as well, just into some extra baggy basketball shorts and one of her button up black silk shirts. I even pulled my hair back into a messy bun, although I grimaced when I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror.

"You look beautiful."

She must have seen my face, and as always was quick to reassure me. The only difference was that this time I didn't believe her so I just blushed and awkwardly shrugged my shoulders.

That wasn't good enough for Santana and she crouched down in front of me and took both of my hands in hers. "You. Look. Beautiful." She said again, although this time each word was punctuated by a small kiss on my lips.

I'm not really sure if I was relived or frustrated when a knock on the door interrupted us. I know I was relived to see the food, grateful that Santana had order me soup, as eating still made my jaw ache.

When the majority of the food was gone I felt myself start to become nervous. I was going to see Mike. Find out what was going on, and almost more nerve wracking was that Santana would be with me hearing it all too. That didn't stop me from holding onto her hand tightly as she carefully helped me out of the room and downstairs to where Mike was being held. Just outside the room she stopped causing me to stop too.

"Are you sure about this Brittany?" She was looking me right in the eye, and I know she was looking for any reason that I may want to back out. But instead I squared my shoulders and reached out to take the door handle, and then push it open.

Time to get some answers.


	15. Chapter 14

Authors note – Violence warning in this chapter (Applies to secondary characters). This chapter is short, I am aware of that. It's also hopefully a little intense. I'm also very aware of the ending, and promise that the next part will be up in the next few days. Please let me know what you think of this, it took a whole different turn than I had planned, but I like it. Thanks for reading, reviewing, alerting, and favoriting…you all make my day.

Chapter 14

The smell of metallic-like, almost coppery blood assaulted me as I walked into the room and I staggered back a step at the sight in front of me.

Holy fuck.

I heard Santana curse as she rushed around me and hurried over to what had to be Mike Chang, although I couldn't tell for sure. It felt like I was in a bubble, like all the noise, and the picture were blurred and silenced somehow.

That bubble burst with the words. "Holy shit, he's still alive." Santana sounded like she couldn't believe it.

And why would she, Mike – or what I guess is Mike – had his face bashed in to put it bluntly. Probably by the baseball bat propped casually against the wall. Blood splatter, and cast off were all over the walls and ceiling. "Jake get your ass in this room right now!" The shout created two responses, the first being the burly form of Jake Puckerman to burst into the room gun drawn, and the second unintended effect was to make me jump. At least it caused me to move as I made my way over to where Mike lay and knelt down beside his body.

"Fuck." I head Jake mutter as he slid his gun back into its holster.

"Who the fuck was in here with him?" Santana demanded as she stalked her way over to where Jake stood. She grabbed him by his jacket and pushed him against the wall. "Who the fuck were you stupid enough to let into this room?" The words were shouted at him now, and each one made me flinch a little.

When I heard the gasped words. "Your father." Being uttered I gently took Mike's hand in mine and squeezed it.

I think there was about a second that elapsed before Santana and I had the same thought.

She voiced it first.

"Cody."

Our eyes met across the room as we shared our worries.

"Go. Save our son. Please Santana." I urged terrified about what could be happening to him as we stared terrified and frozen.

"You." Santana slammed Jake back into the wall with a resounding thud again. "Protect her. She better be looking exactly like this when I get back. Got it?" I would have smiled at how quickly he nodded his head if I hadn't been so fucking scared of what was happening.

With one last look at me Santana then turned and quickly left the room.

God please keep her safe.

Protect her and our son.

I felt a barely there squeeze on my hand and looked down at Mike Chang again. As much as he had hurt me, or helped to hurt me, I hated to see him like this.

"Can we get him to a hospital?" I asked quietly not even bothering to look up at the man in the room with me.

In fact I was trying really hard to ignore the fact that I was left alone with a man at all.

Please don't let me get a flashback.

I heard him take a step towards me as if he wanted to stare at Mike's body, but I quickly held up my hand towards him and said. "Stop…I um, I need you to stay by the door."

"Of course." He said sounding embarrassed and I heard him shuffle away from me. "And I can't call for any kind of ambulance until I'm given the all clear to do so."

I don't know if Mike has that long.

What if he dies?

I could see his body struggling to breathe.

Another gentle touch on my hand, and I could feel him trying to draw something on the back of it.

A musical note.

Fuck.

That's helpful.

Ok, think Brittany. Musical note, music…Mike would always play his music for dance class on his iPod. Sometimes I would joke with him over his music taste and he would joke about mine.

iPod.

Is that it?

Carefully I started searching through his pockets trying to be as gentle as possible. Sure enough there it was in his front right pocket, I swear I heard him sigh when I found it. Although his next breath came out as unpleasant sounding gargle after that and I quickly took his hand again.

I wiped the blood on the iPod off on my shorts, and tried to forget that I was kneeling in what was still a growing puddle of someone else's blood. Miraculously the iPod turned on and I could see the screen was filled with different playlists. If Mike wanted me to find this so badly then there has to be something important on it. I used my thumb to scroll down the series of playlists: Modern, Jazz, Tap, Ballet, Madonna, Rap, 80's Hits, Pink, Ke$ha, Britney, Movie hits, Workout, freestyle. The lists kept going.

Britney.

It was so obvious that I actually giggled which caused Jake to grunt, and Mike to squeeze my hand again although this squeeze felt a lot weaker than the ones before it. I was torn between wanting to find out what was on the playlist and comforting Mike. I could tell that he was getting worse, and didn't have long left, but ultimately what is what was on the playlist could actually help Santana against her father? I gave Mike's hand a gentle squeeze back to let him know that I was there, someone was with him, and then opened the Britney playlist.

Oh God.

It was a confession, or an apology.

Of sorts.

It must have taken ages to think about.

He must have guessed something like this might happen to him and been prepared.

I've been watching you – Rodney Atkins

Sorry – Buckcherry

I never meant to hurt you – Laura Nyro

I only wanted – Mariah Carey

Keep you – Sugarland

Safe – Miranda Lambert

Danger and heartbreak dead ahead – The Marvelettes

Doctor who (theme song) – Ron Grainer

He's dangerous – Katherine McPhee

Cody – Bowling for soup

Living in danger – Ace of Base

Wanted – Hunter Hayes

You are – Lionel Ritchie

Wanted dead or alive – Bon Jovi

Please – Toni Braxton

Pretty pretty please – Pink

Watch your back – Benny Cassette

Trust no one – Rhianna

The only exception – Paramore

The one you love – Glenn Frey

Forgive me – Evanescence

Mike – Xui Xui

There were tears blurring my vision and I brushed them away as I finished scrolling through the playlist Mike had made for me. His hand had slipped out of mine when I had been reading and I quickly reached for it again.

It felt different.

Oh God.

Fuck.

"Jake!" I called sounding panicked and a little breathless, and tried not to tense up as he hurried over to me as requested. Immediately he sunk to his knees on the other side of Mike's body and pressed his fingers to the neck searching.

I could tell before he even pulled his hands away and looked up what he was going to say.

"I'm sorry. He's dead." Jake said and brushed his bloodied fingers off on his jacket.

"No….h-he can't be." I denied it even though I knew deep down that it was true.

I knew before I'd even called Jake over what was wrong.

"I never g-got to tell him." I started to sob, my breath catching in my throat as I bent forward and pressed my face into Mike's chest.

"Tell him now." Jake said quietly as he stood up and made his way back over to guard the door.

Wiping my tears away with my closed fists I sat up and took Mike's hand in mine once more. I pressed our joined hands to my chest. "I forgive you." I whispered out the words, regretting instantly that I had not told them to him in time.

I hope he knew.

I hope he knew me enough to know that I would forgive him.

That I was so sorry he was dead.

"Someone's coming." Jake hissed as he held his fingers up to his lips in the universal symbol of please shut the fuck up, and I immediately tried to stop crying.

I wanted to hide in case it was him.

I wanted to run to them in case it was her.

I wrapped my arms around my middle in the vain attempt at trying to comfort myself.

It didn't really help.

It just made me feel even more alone and upset all my aches and bruises, but I didn't let go. Maybe I just needed to feel something? Anything. To take away the lingering death that surrounded me.

I breathed a sigh of relief when Jake stepped back and let Santana into the room.

But the relief disappeared as soon as I took one look at her.

She was as pale and shaky as I had ever seen her, and I pushed myself painfully up off the floor so I could make my way towards her. We met halfway in the small interrogation room and her arms wrapped around me and held me tight.

Too tight.

I gasped in pain but her grip didn't even loosen.

Instead she said two words that made the pain intensify.

"He's dead."


	16. Chapter 15

Authors note 1 – I have included an actual note at the bottom as I assume you all want answers first. Enjoy?

Chapter 15

Wait.

Dead?

No!

I wanted to push Santana away from me because she was supposed to keep him safe, but she was holding me too tightly still, and right now the physical pain matched my emotional pain.

I wanted to hurt.

I deserved to hurt.

I'd let him into this life even though I knew it was dangerous.

I'd even stayed after what had happened with The Prophet.

And now my son was dead.

I pressed my face into Santana's shoulder and tried to remember how to breath as my world collapsed.

Suddenly the door to the room swung open and banged into the wall causing me to jump and let out a squeak of pain when Santana tightened her grip on me more.

Cody rushed into the room tugging a rather shell-shocked Quinn, who in turn was clutching onto Beth by the hand.

Wait.

Cody.

He barreled into our bodies and Santana quickly loosened her grip, bent to pick him up, and then the three of us were enclosed in a hug. I pressed kisses all over his smiling face. I can't believe I was getting to see him again.

"I thought I'd lost you." I murmured pressing my face into his tiny shoulder and allowing my tears to fall once more. I could feel Santana start to cry too and rubbed the small of her back with my hand suddenly realizing who must be dead.

Talking of dead, we needed to get Cody out of this room.

I didn't want him to see Mike.

I tensed when I felt Quinn press into me, I could feel her shoulders shaking as well. God what the hell had gone on?

"Can we go upstairs?" I asked quietly.

Santana looked up and met my gaze and I flickered my eyes quickly towards where Mike's beaten up body lay. Her eyes went darker, and I could tell that the news of his death caused her even more sorrow.

"Jake, lead the way." Santana ordered. She carried Cody pressed against her chest with one arm, her other free to reach probably for her gun if she needed it. I took Quinn's hand in mine, it was cold and I realized then that she might be in shock. I stroked my thumb across the back of it as we made our way carefully back upstairs and to our bedroom.

A few more of Santana's men were standing around in the entranceway of the house and the positively snapped to attention as we came into view. Several of them took up positions to the sides and behind us as we climbed the stairs and walked down the hallway.

Jake insisted on coming into the room to check it, causing Santana to actually smile slightly at his actions, before it quickly fell again. I quickly sat down on the edge of the bed. I could do with one of my painkillers, but I didn't want to bother anyone to get it for me, and I think I was too weak to make it to the bathroom and back alone. Of course just as I decided that, I looked down at myself and realized that most of my lower half was covered in blood.

I guess that takes away the will I or won't I take painkillers option now as I desperately need to wash this day off me. I looked over at Santana who was sat on the floor with Cody in her lap, her face was till pale and haunted, but I knew I couldn't talk to her about what had happened until Cody was safely asleep. Quinn was huddled on the floor with Beth still clinging to her side, and I know I had to talk to her as well.

"I need to shower." I announced to the silent room, and reluctantly pushed myself up off the bed.

The world swayed around me and my eyes closed as I concentrated on simply remaining standing.

I felt sick.

I guess I could be in shock too?

A warm hand slid gently around my waist and supported me.

Santana.

"Let me help you get settled in the shower. I'll be right back out little man….you too Quinn." Santana spoke in what I guess was a reassuring tone. And after a brisk nod from Quinn, and an "Okay." From Cody we slowly made our way together to the bathroom.

I sat on the toilet, and after taking care of um my necessities I watched as Santana moved around the bathroom, turning on the shower, and efficiently collecting the supplies like shampoo and body wash that I would need. She checked the temperature with her hand and then dried it on one of the fluffy grey towels.

"Can you do this by yourself?" She asked, one eyebrow cocked when I swayed to my feet and attempted to kick off my shorts and underwear after managing to slip off my shoes when I had still been seated.

Thank goodness I had skipped socks.

"I'll try." I said gritting my teeth as I attempted to shrug the shirt off.

God my body felt like a giant bruise. Still looked a little like one too, I had not taken it as easy I should this evening and was paying the price.

Santana stepped behind me, easily sliding free her black silk shirt that I was wearing from where it had caught on my cast. Her fingertips skimmed across my side avoiding all of the tender areas that would make me wince, the pressure was almost feather light on my skin. So soft and gentle. I sighed happily at her touch before suddenly feeling guilty that I should be happy at all on a day when bad things had happened.

"Are you sure?"

I wasn't really, but I got the impression that Santana for some reason didn't want to stay in here with me either, maybe it was too soon to leave Cody with Quinn again? Maybe she was throwing up her walls so she wouldn't have to talk to me about what had gone on? Either way I knew I had to give her some space right now so I just made my way carefully over to the shower opened the sliding door and walked in. I could see Santana stand there for a few seconds watching me through the frosty glass before leaving the bathroom, although she didn't shut the door the whole way, probably so she could hear me if I fell or something.

I let the warm water spray cascade down my body. My eyes scrunched closed so that I wouldn't have to see the blood washing itself away or look at any of my bruises. It was still difficult for me to witness that even after a few weeks. I'd always had this weird love hate relationship with my body, I loved that I could manipulate it with dance, and I loved how Santana could make it feel. But I'd never been confident of my looks, I know you'll think that's weird because I was a stripper, but that was never my choice…more of an unfortunate inevitability. Only Santana has ever made me feel truly beautiful, it's not how I generally see myself though, and definitely not now.

The warmth felt really good taking away the chill from my skin. Thank goodness for the new waterproof casts or I'd be forced to wrap myself in plastic wrap and try to sit in the bath with my arm and leg propped out of the water. Just the idea of that sounded awkward and uncomfortable.

My good leg started to shake from being forced to support me and I sank down onto the bench at the back of the shower cubicle. Carefully I rubbed shampoo into my hair, taking a few minutes to finger comb any present knots away. Then I lathered up a loofah with the body wash and very gently ran it over my body, trying to avoid pressing too hard on my ribs, or over any still bruised and aching area. There were a few flakes of blood on my knees that required a light scrubbing and I noticed some spots on my cast too.

God what a mess it all was.

With a groan I stood up into the shower spray again, my leg slipped a bit, and I worriedly clutched to the stainless steel rail that Santana had, had installed a week or so ago for me. When I felt I had regained my balance enough I let go and stood under the stream of water once more so I could remove the shampoo from my hair, and the soap from my body.

My legs were shaking when I turned the water off and carefully climbed out of the shower. I felt exhausted, weak, and in quite a bit of pain.

"Shit Brittany, you should have asked me to help." Santana said making me jump a little at the noise.

My body was carefully wrapped up in one of the towels, and I was practically carried to a chair that sat in front of the mirror and sink, another thing Santana had brought into the bathroom since I had been hurt to try to make my life easier. She tenderly patted my skin dry with the towel as her eyes kept worriedly scanning over my face, and I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I looked so obviously in pain that I regretted not asking Santana to help, I know she hates to see me like this, and after today one of the last things I wanted to do was add to her pain as she's so obviously hurting too.

"I want you to take your pills while I go and get you some clean clothes. Is that ok Britt?" She asked kneeling down in front of me and stroking her finger gently down the side of my face until it cupped under my chin.

I smiled and nodded my head. Just as she was moving to stand up I reached out and cupped her face in my hands. Gently I encouraged her to move forwards as I tilted my own head towards her so that our lips meet in a soft kiss. It was only a few seconds, but when we pulled apart I could see a small flicker of something other than pain in her eyes once more.

Success.

"Tonight I want to hold you in my arms." I said quietly, feeling my face blush at the words.

"That sounds perfect." Santana murmured as she leant forward again and placed another kiss on my lips this one slightly harder, before pulling away, standing up and quickly hurrying out of the bathroom, leaving me wanting more.

I looked at the pills in my hand, and debated whether I should take them or not. On one hand yes I was in pain, on the other though the painkillers made me sleepy and I know that Santana's going to need to talk tonight, even if she doesn't want to. In the end I took one of the two pills, and washed the other one down the sink plughole. I didn't really want to waste it, but I also didn't want to leave a lone pill out where Cody could find it.

"Babe I brought you some shorts, underwear, and a tank top so they should work for sleeping in too." Santana said as she walked back into the bathroom carrying a small pile of my clothes.

"Thanks." I smiled at her, she smiled back and had a slightly toned down version of her cocky grin on her face as she slid the tank top over my head, her hands lightly trailing down my sides, smoothing out the material. When her fingers slid back upwards and stoked the swell of my breasts I couldn't restrain the sigh that escaped my lips causing her grin to brighten further. When she knelt in front of me and started running her fingers up the outside of my legs I felt my heart begin to race.

It all felt so good.

I wanted her to kiss me.

For the first time in a while I also really wanted her to touch me.

God my timing is so inappropriate.

When Santana's fingers trailed a little too high I gasped and she quickly withdrew her hands, she was about to apologize until she looked at me and her eyes went darker. "I'm sorry." Her voice was so deep and rough sounding, and I clenched my thighs together at the sound of it. "I don't mean to tease you baby, because you definitely deserve to have all the pleasure in the world. But now isn't the time. I do promise it's something we can explore at a later date again though."

I felt my face blush at her suggestion, but she leant forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead and when she pulled back she was shaking her head at me. "Don't do that."

"Do what?" I asked still blushing.

"Don't be embarrassed over this. Please." Another kiss was placed on my skin this time on my right cheek. "Not when it's something that we both love." A kiss was placed on my left cheek this time. "Because I really do love how I can make you feel, and I love how you make me feel too."

Now I'm pretty sure Santana was blushing, and just because I had to I leant forward and kissed her this time. Our lips coming together in a soft press until I reached out grabbed the front her shirt and pulled her closer to me. The kiss heated up instantly, and I felt the tip of her tongue brush against my lower lip. I was about to open them up to her gentle request when I remembered that this wasn't the time or the place, and reluctantly I leant backwards once more.

"Sorry." This time it was my turn to apologize and I grinned at Santana as she shook her head to clear it and then with a wry smile helped me get my panties and sleep shorts on.

"Ok let's get back to Cody, we can play a little before bed. I think Quinn would like to stay here with us tonight though if that's ok with Beth?"

I frowned but nodded my head. Before I could say anything Santana scooped me up in her arms, cradled me close to her chest and carried me through to the bedroom where she placed me carefully on the bed. Before Cody could even request it Santana had scooped him up onto the bed too and he quickly nestled himself against my side. I didn't even mind the pain in my ribs; it was so damn good to hold him again, especially after I thought I had lost him. Santana lay down on the opposite side of Cody, and I would have frowned at her not lying beside me, but I ended up raising my eyebrows instead when Quinn curled up against my other side, Beth pressed against her.

Thank god our bed is huge or there's no way we'd all fit.

Of course that doesn't really explain why we are all in the bed in the first place.

I felt Quinn's body shake slightly against me and wrapped one of my arms around her shoulders and awkwardly attempted to stroke her hair. I'm not sure it helped because then she started to cry.

I'm not stupid.

I know something must have happened to Noah otherwise he would be here with Quinn and Beth, or standing guard outside of the door. I think I just really, really hoped that maybe he was just injured. But Quinn wouldn't be this shaken up if it was just that.

I looked over at Santana for confirmation; her dark brown eyes were so expressive, so full of pain and sadness. She nodded her head once in answer to my silent question before closing her eyes and pressing her face into Cody's dark hair.

"Oh Quinn." I said, my voice breaking over my friend's name.

I held her as she cried.

And then I wiped her eyes and told her she needed to rest. That it was time to get her and Beth ready for bed, that we had clean toothbrushes in the bathroom they could use and then they can come and climb back into bed. Quinn gave me a grateful, brittle smile and her and Beth made their way to our bathroom.

I felt Cody breathing heavily against me and knew that he was asleep.

I pressed a kiss to the top of his head as Santana gently took off his shoes and socks, and helped pull the sheet up around us.

"I want to hold you." I said quietly as I looked over at where she lay on the other side of our son still.

"I know. But Quinn had to watch Noah die today. She needs a friend right now." Santana said her voice quiet and a little flat. As if the day had wiped out all of her emotions for now.

"And I had to watch Mike die. I need you." I countered still wanting her in my arms.

"And I had to kill my father."

Oh god.

"Please San. I need to hold you. Please." I begged quietly.

I watched as Santana stared up at the bedroom ceiling for a few seconds while biting on her lower lip. Suddenly she scooped Cody up until he was resting on her chest and then slid him until he was on her other side. She then scooted herself closer to me while keeping Cody close to her. I heard her sigh when she rested her head on my shoulder, her arm coming up to rest around my waist.

"Is this going to be ok with everyone close to you?" Santana whispered her breath caressing the side of my face.

Fuck.

I hadn't even thought about how I was going to sleep while bodies pressed against me, let alone how I'd react when I woke up that way. One morning I had even taken a swing at Santana when she touched my hip to try and wake me up from a nightmare.

"I have no idea." I replied honestly. "I hope so though because we all deserve a good nights sleep."

We were prevented by talking further by Quinn and Beth emerging from the bathroom and slipping into the bed beside me. Quinn pressed herself close to my side but when she accidently brushed over my damaged ribs I gasped and she moved away a fraction with an apologetic "Sorry." Thrown out.

"It's ok. Let's just try and get some sleep." I said, as Santana somehow managed to reach the switch for the lamp and plunge the room into semi darkness.

What a terrible day, and I think we're going to be dealing with the aftermath of it for quite some time. I thought as Santana snuggled a little closer to me and brushed a kiss across my collarbone.

Please let us all somehow manage to rest.

**Authors note 2 – I was overwhelmed by the number of reviews I received for the last update, not sure how you thought I could actually kill Cody, but I hope people are satisfied with the outcome so far? Lots of discussions and moments to come. Thank you everyone for reading, reviewing, alerting, and favoriting. It makes my little heart feel amazing.**


	17. Chapter 16

Authors note: Well this chapter got a little sidetracked. I hope that's ok? Thank you as always everyone for the reviews and alerts etc, they make my day.

Chapter 16

I awoke tangled up in the sheets, heart racing, and breath coming out in small gasps. As it always did after an intense nightmare it took me a few seconds to remind myself where I was, that I was safe now, no one would hurt me any more. I took a large shuddering breath and slowly blinked my eyes open. Turning my head to the side I came face to face with Quinn.

Ok that's not who I was expecting.

I couldn't see Santana, Cody, or Beth and my face must have shown my confusion because Quinn said quietly. "Santana took them downstairs for breakfast when you started…" Starting to explain before her voice trailed off and she looked embarrassed.

"Oh." I said, my voice sounded raspy and felt sore.

I must have screamed a few times.

My whole body shivered.

I could feel the sweat on the sheets rapidly start to cool. Ugh, God I needed another shower.

I needed to get up.

I needed Santana.

I could feel my heart start to race again in panic.

Fuck.

"What can I do?" Quinn said inching closer to me on the bed.

I shifted towards her and pressed my face into her shoulder. I couldn't stop the flinch that happened when she hugged me, but I was grateful she didn't pull away, instead she pulled me even closer and started to stroke my hair and whisper soothing things to me as I felt myself start to cry.

After a few minutes the crying had subsided to the occasional sniff, and Quinn was still holding me. "T-thanks." I said quietly as she continued to gently stroke my hair.

"I didn't know it was that bad Brittany. I'm sorry I didn't come and see you after it, I've been a bad friend." Quinn said, her voice sounding full of regret and pain.

"Santana helps." I said and brushed my tears away with the heel of my hand.

"She seems to love you very much. She didn't want to leave you earlier."

"Why did she?" I asked wanting to know why Santana had gone and Quinn had stayed. It seemed strange that Santana would leave especially when she knew I hurt.

"I just can't…I can't be out there right now." Quinn said and I felt her body start to shake underneath me.

Suddenly it was my turn to hold her as she cried.

It took her a few minutes to stop crying so hard and I awkwardly tried to cuddle and soothe her even though my mobility is somewhat limited. We both sat up, and I pulled the sheet up around me feeling chilled still.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, watching Quinn tuck a few errant strands of her blonde hair back behind her ears.

"Do you?" She shot back.

I know she said it to avoid talking about her own issues, as if hiding from them would make them less real for a moment and she could live in blissful ignorance of reality for a bit. I tried to give her that, so I took a minute to think about what she had asked.

Did I want to talk about it?

In many ways fuck no.

But I need Quinn to know that sometimes talking about it helps, like um letting air into a cut to help it heal instead of leaving it covered so it goes yellow and horrid.

"Santana's the only person to have ever touched me like I matter." I blurted out the first thing in my brain, and Quinn snapped her head around to look at me her eyes wide, as she bit her lip and nodded at me to continue.

"My parents…they never really cared about me. They made that really clear. God, and then when I was kicked out, and forced to strip to survive. People used to think they could do stuff to me because I had no power or say in any of it. But then I met Santana, and fuck Quinn….I've never felt so powerful in my life as when I'm with her. She used to touch me like I mattered, like she cared. She loved me."

I felt Quinn reach out and hold both of my hands in hers and smiled, until I thought about the next bit and the smile dropped away.

"But then I left. I had Cody and I didn't ever expect to feel like that again. To get back who I was with Santana. But then I did, or I was starting to until."

Quinn squeezed my hands gently when I stalled.

"It was so bad." A tear rolled down my face, and I didn't bother to brush it away knowing that more would surely follow. "I felt so weak and afraid, and it hurt so much, and he really, really enjoyed that it hurt, that I couldn't stop him. It was all because he thought I should belong to him, because I had to dance for him for a year, as if I had any say or wanted to do that, that I wanted him to touch me like that, that I had ever wanted him to touch me."

A shudder rolled through my body, and now my tears were falling rapidly. I looked down at where Quinn's hand was holding mine so I couldn't see her face.

"Santana tells me I'm safe now. That no one will ever hurt me again, and that she loves me." I sucked in a breath, and let it out as a long sigh. "But what if I can never get back to that in the end? Sometimes I feel so…" I searched for the right word and frowned when I found it. "Damaged. I feel like he took something from me, and changed me, and I can never get it back. How long will she continue to love me if I can't…" My voice trailed off again and this time I couldn't continue.

I think I shocked Quinn by sharing as she just sat there, while I painfully hugged my body as I was wracked by sobs. Her hand lay on the mattress between us and she made no effort to touch me.

"Baby you need to stop this." I jumped a little when I heard Santana's voice from near the door.

God how much had she heard?

I could hear her footsteps as she came towards me on the bed and I clung to her when she took me so very gently in her arms.

"You had a bad dream, and you're letting those bad memories control how you're feeling. Because really you know deep down that I will always love you. No matter what." She drew me back a little in her arms so we were looking at each other. "You know that eventually we will both heal. Together."

She pressed a kiss to the top of my head and then pressed one of my hands to her chest over her heart, and I could feel it thundering away beneath my palm. "And you know that all this is for you. Always." She said placing another kiss on the top of my head.

I heard a sniff coming from the other side of Santana, and remembered that Quinn was still here with us. Santana looked like she remembered at the same time and gave me a wry smile before turning to face Quinn a little. "I brought you breakfast. The kids were still eating and will be back upstairs in a few minutes. Quinn if you can wait for them, we're just going to go and shower." Santana said, it wasn't a question, or a demand, just a statement really of what was going to happen, and I blushed a little when without another word Santana scooped me up in her arms and carried me towards the bathroom.

I tried not to watch her undress as I took a few moments to take care of personal business, but I couldn't help but watch the lithe body in front of me. As it was revealed bit by bit. Santana moved with such power and grace, even in simple things like turning on the shower. I had been worried when we had first entered the bathroom that I was going to be struggling through showering alone again, I wasn't sure my leg would take it this morning after last night. But instead Santana had placed me by the toilet and then proceeded to unbutton her shirt and slip it from her shoulders. Her gun harness was next and she methodically removed it and slid it onto a high up shelf before taking off her white undershirt.

Now she was just wearing a black lace bra, dark jeans and boots.

Fuck that's sexy.

She bent over and kicked off her boots, and then took of her socks, before standing up straight again and turning to look at me. I'm not sure what my face showed, but god help me because her cocky grin suddenly tugged up the corners of her lips.

All thoughts of nightmares, death, pain and hurt shot right out of the fucking window as she stalked towards me. When she stopped a few feet away she winked at me before undoing her bra and letting it fall to the floor. Then she turned around again and I watched eyes wide as she slowly peeled her dark jeans down her legs until she kicked them off.

Turning back towards me completely naked she held out her hand with two small white Band-Aids in it. "Would you like to do the honors?" Santana asked as she smirked at me.

My mouth felt too dry to talk, but I quickly nodded my head making her chuckle as I took the Band-Aids from her hand, unwrapped them, and then gently pressed them to her skin. My fingertips then lightly traced up over her tensed abdominal muscles before I scratched my nails ever so lightly back down again. It was my turn to grin when she moaned.

"Can I take your clothes off?" She asked, eyes so dark they were almost black.

I nodded as I continued to trace my fingertips up a little higher, and down a little lower each time stopping only for her to peel the tank top over my head, and then again when she scooped me up in her arms and carried me towards the shower, my arms automatically going around her neck, and my fingers threading through her dark hair.

Instead of putting me down like I thought she would be stood like that under the spray for a few seconds before Santana eventually helped me sit down in the alcove at the back. She grinned at me when she grabbed a loofah, and some body wash waiting for me to nod my head before she gently started washing me clean. Each stroke was delicate, and careful to avoid any place that might hurt. That didn't mean she wasn't thorough though and she even washed my feet, well the one that didn't have plaster on although she tickled the toes on my other leg.

After helping me to stand up so that I could rinse off, Santana reached for the shower tap until I put my hand over hers to stop her. I pressed into her back and whispered "Your turn" into her ear trying not to get nervous from anticipation when she gasped. Instead of using a loofah I squirted some body wash directly into my hands and ran them down and over her shoulders making quick work of her back, before gently coaxing her to turn around. Her hands came around my waist to help me stand, taking weight off my leg but bringing us much closer together, and I felt her brush intimately against me.

There was a second or so when we both tensed, I think her from worry that she might have hurt me, or gone too far, and me because I'd forgotten what this felt like, and how much I missed it. But then one of my hands trailed slowly all the way down her front until I cupped her gently in my hand.

"Oh fuck." Santana cursed, and I could see her jaw clench, and feel her jerk into my hand once.

My fingers trailed along the length of her and back again.

"So good Britt." She gasped and pressed her forehead to mine, and released another muffled curse when I closed my hand around her and stroked it to the tip and back using just a little more pressure.

There was a second or two when I wasn't sure what the hell I was doing again, and if I should really carry on with this, but when Santana started to desperately move her hips against me and release small needy gasps I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by how much I wanted to do this for her.

"You, ah, you don't have to do this." Santana said offering me an out even as her hips moved against me.

I quickly dropped a kiss on her shoulder. "I want to." I said, just speaking loud enough to be heard over the spray of the water. "Please let me."

Her forehead dropped down onto my shoulder as her body arched towards me and she nodded her head. "Only if you're sure." She said pressing her lips to my neck, sucking for a few seconds on my pulse point before just pressing her face against me and moaning how good this all felt as my hand continued to move.

Another minute or two passed, water streaming over both of us as I steadily worked her into a frenzy, until she was trembling against me and moaning my name. With one more pump of my hand she bit my collarbone to stop from making too much noise and came all over my hand, her weight sagged against me and I quickly reached out for the bar to help hold us up.

We toppled backwards into the wall, Santana's back pressed against the tiles with my body flush against her. Our lips came together in a desperate kiss that lasted until we both had to pull back for air. I felt Santana's hand gently hold my hips, encouraging my body to press more of my weight against her, but I reluctantly took a step backwards.

We had to stop this and get out of the bathroom, not because this was wrong, or felt bad. It wasn't and I it really didn't. Hell, I wasn't even nervous of her touching me. In fact it had felt really good to press against her body. It was just we had responsibilities to Cody, and Quinn. And so yes we should probably stop.

My leg started to shake again and Santana quickly noticed and scooped me up in her arms. She shut the water off and then walked out of the shower placing me in the same seat I had sat in just last night. A fluffy towel was draped carefully around my shoulders and I started to dry myself with it, and Santana quickly dried herself off too. When she was sat on the countertop pulling on her socks and boots, her still damp hair pulled back in a ponytail and a smile tugging at the corner of her lips as she stared at me I blushed and smiled back at her.

"I need to get you some clothes for today. I'll be right back beautiful." Santana said, hopping down from the marble surface and pressing a quick kiss to my lips before hurrying out of the bathroom. She was back almost immediately with another pair of baggy basketball shorts, underwear, and a Boston Celtic jersey.

"San!" I blushed when I remembered that jersey, trying not to grin when she just laughed out loud at my reaction.

Lets just say that I had very fond memories of buying the shirt in Boston, although we never made it to the game. I don't think we even left the hotel room for at least forty-eight hours actually. Even though we had taken a private jet to Boston just so we could see the game, because Santana had some serious money on it and it was her birthday. The Celtics won of course, although I think by the end of the weekend she honestly wouldn't have really cared either way.

Fuck I think we even celebrated a few times in the jet on the way home.

I didn't stop blushing when she finally slipped the green and white Celtics shirt over my head and then carried me back out of the bathroom and into the bedroom.

Santana carried me out onto the balcony and sat me down in a comfy chair in the sunshine; Cody was already attempting to crawl into my lap as soon as I was seated. "Hey baby." I said giggling as he used the arms of the chair to tug his body up onto me. He placed a sloppy kiss on my cheek and lay back against me, picking up one of my hands he started to play with my fingers.

Santana sat down beside me after pressing a kiss to the top of Cody's head. "Can I get you some breakfast?" She asked picking up my other hand and pressing kisses against it.

"Yay." Cody said and did a little happy dance in my lap that just involved a lot of squirming about.

"Didn't you eat already?" I teased my son who is like a bottomless pit when it comes to food. "And yes food would be wonderful." I said throwing a smile in Santana's direction, before blowing a raspberry onto Cody's neck and making him giggle in delight.

Quinn sat down at the table with us, Beth was in her lap and I noticed how quiet and clingy they seemed with each other. It made sense really considering what had happened, and I didn't really know the details of what happened.

I still need to talk to Quinn.

When she looked up at me I smiled in her direction, and she managed a sad looking smile back at me.

"Mommy we watch movie?" Cody asked giving me a small pout for good measure, as if I would say no to a movie.

"Of course baby. Maybe you and Beth could choose one together?" I tried to include Quinn's little girl who looked as sad and lost as her mother.

"Yay." Cody cheered and wiggled excitedly on my lap again before giving me a big hug.

A tray of food was placed on the table, and Santana started pouring glasses of milk for everyone sat down from a large pitcher. My plate had pancakes, fruit, eggs, bacon and sausage on it. My eyes were probably huge as I took in the large amount of food Santana placed in front of me with a flourish. I can't believe she expected me to eat all of this!

A small bowl of fresh fruit was placed next to me for Cody and Santana lifted him from my lap so he could sit in his own chair to eat. Beth had a fresh fruit bowl too, and Quinn had a plate of pancakes, bacon and fruit.

"Thank you Tana." Cody said and started to eat his fruit with a spoon.

I smiled back at Santana as she grinned at me, completely taken by how damn adorable our son was. "You're welcome little man." Santana said and ruffled his dark hair affectionately, before she sat down on the other side of me and sipped a cup of black coffee.

"So what are we doing for the rest of today?" Santana asked when I was about halfway through my huge breakfast.

"I'll still be eating this." I joked leaning back in my chair, and pushing my plate away from me. When Santana raised one eyebrow in my direction I reluctantly picked up my glass of milk and took a sip. She had been on a milk push since I had left the hospital, and Doctor Pillsbury had happened to mention that milk might in fact help with the healing of my bones.

Thank god I'm not lactose intolerant.

"Mommy says we watch movie." Cody said clapping his hands together and doing his happy dance in his chair this time.

"Is that right?" Santana asked with a huge grin on her face.

"Yes, Britt Britt said I can help pick one too." Beth said quietly causing us all to smile at the young girl.

"That's right." I confirmed sending Beth a wink and causing her smile back at me. I noticed that Quinn was smiling now too.

"Well why don't you two go and start deciding on something to watch while we clean up?" Santana suggested, and we all laughed when Cody and Beth quickly left the table and ran back into the bedroom to go through the extensive movie collection there.

When it was just the three of us sat enjoying the sunshine Santana looked at Quinn and broke the silence. "I have some things I need to discuss with you today as soon as Beth is asleep tonight would probably be best, is that ok?" Her tone was firm but kind, and I could tell this was not going to be something that Quinn could just put off.

"Do you want me there?" I asked, and when both heads turned to me I realized that I wasn't sure who I was addressing. It didn't matter though because they were both nodding their heads at me so I just said. "Ok." And we made the plan to put the children to bed a little earlier so that we had more time to talk, and I made a mental note to try to keep my painkiller intake today and tonight to a minimum so that I would be helpful.

""That's settled then. Let me help you to the bathroom again Britt, and then we can start this movie madness."

Cody and Beth had decided on The Incredibles, and we all nestled down on the bed with pillows all around us and enjoyed the movie. It was nice to be able to smile and watch Cody and Beth giggle and be silly, especially when I knew that tonight things were going to be painful and serious.

A little fun sandwiched between the grief and pain was necessary or I think I'd go nuts.


	18. Chapter 17

Authors note: Thank you as always you wonderful readers. I hope this chapter is satisfactory. Let me know your thoughts.

Chapter 17

It had been a fun day of movies, pillow forts on the bed, crazy junk food and laughter but that all changed as soon as it got dark and Cody and Beth fell asleep. Both Quinn and I were reluctant to leave the children in the room alone after everything that had happened, but we told Jake at the door to stand guard, and Santana took us to the room that her and me had um…uh…used not so long ago. Santana made sure the video feed was picking everything up ok before she closed the door.

I sat on a sofa that I couldn't remember being there before, but then we had made perfectly good use of the carpet, and I don't remember really looking around the room. Santana winked as she sat down beside me, and Quinn sat in a chair right across for us as I tried not to blush.

It felt all a little awkward and stiff and I waited to see who would speak first. When neither of them said a word I rolled my eyes and then lightly elbowed Santana in the side so that she would start.

"Uh yeah Quinn." She began awkwardly and rubbed her side before taking my hand in hers and pulling it into her lap. "I wanted to ask you what your plans were?"

I must look as puzzled as Quinn does because Santana just sighed and tried to explain herself further.

"Are you and Beth planning to go back to Ohio, do you have family there?" She asked. I realized she was nervous when her thumb kept swiping across the ring I always wear, its something that I do when I get nervous too.

Quinn's eyes filled up with tears. "I haven't really thought about it." She said, and I could understand that.

Why would she have, this had all been so terrible and so sudden.

"Noah had worked for me for as long as I can remember, he was one of my best friends." Santana said. "I know he'd like me to provide for you and Beth if you need me to. I know you probably wouldn't want to have the pool house."

Quinn shuddered and I wondered again about what the hell had gone on last night?

"But I'd like to offer you and Beth a room in my house that you are always welcome in. It's actually a series of three of them on the floor just below this." Santana continued. "Please consider it. I know that Brittany would love to have you stay close."

"Thank you Santana." Quinn said as she wiped her eyes.

"I was wondering if you would like to have a service of some sort for him? We can bury him here on the grounds of course. Noah had a will that documented everything that he wanted done should he die."

I turned and stared at Santana, what she was saying all felt so clinical, as if she didn't care how Quinn or Beth would feel. But then I noticed that her jaw was tense, and the hand that wasn't holding mine was closed in a fist. I realized that this was business Santana speaking, and it might be the only way she could handle talking about this because Noah had been her friend for a long time, and I could tell that she hurt. I pressed myself against her side and tried to give her some comfort, and I know the message got across ok when she gave my hand a small squeeze.

"I'd like that…I think Beth would like that too. It might help her understand." Quinn said wiping another tear away, this one had managed to get as far as the end of her chin.

I was torn between wanting to comfort Quinn, and needing to comfort Santana too. "I'm sorry about Noah." I said quietly hoping this may comfort both of them.

"Thanks." Quinn said and tried to smile in my direction but it just looked sad and a little creepy.

"He was a hero." Santana said her voice just as quiet as mine was, maybe even a little wistful.

"You saw it?" Quinn said sounding a mix between horrified and curious.

"Yes." Santana said her voice a little louder. She cleared her throat a little, I think she was just taking a few seconds to compose herself and think of it. "I was running towards the pool house because we had just found Mike."

"Mike? Mike Chang?" Quinn interrupted and I couldn't help but sigh sadly at his name, remembering his death with a pang of sorrow. Quinn must have read the look on my face because straight away she said a sad sort of "Oh." And Santana lifted my hand up, pressed a kiss to the back of it and then carried on.

"They were shouting at each other. Noah was standing in front of the door and he refused to let him in, he said that he could get past over his dead body. It made my Papa laugh. Well, until Noah pulled out his gun. Unfortunately Papa's always been a quick draw and he shot him in the leg." There was a moment of silence while we all took this in, and I knew Santana was reliving the moment as I felt her hand tremble. "Noah refused to fall down or move aside so he shot him again…it took another three shots to make him fall, and one to finish him off. And I wasn't fucking fast enough or close enough to stop him."

"It wasn't your fault Santana." Quinn said, her eyes full of tears as she listened to how Noah had died. "And you saved Cody, Beth and myself."

"Baby, you did everything you could." I said this time lifting her hand and pressing a kiss to her palm.

"I did stop him in the end." She agreed, her eyes dark brown and full of pain and I knew it would never be enough for her that she hadn't managed to save Noah too.

As if that was her cue Quinn stood up and walked over to where we sat on the sofa. She leant forward and hugged Santana quickly. "I'm going to let the two of you talk and go and hug my daughter. Thank you again Santana. We'll talk tomorrow about a service for Noah, and when Beth and I can move downstairs." She said, and then with a quick hug for me - that I tried super hard not to flinch away from - she walked out of the room, quietly closing the door behind her.

As soon as the soft click of the door sounded Santana broke down, she started to cry and her breath came out in small sobs even as she held her body rigidly on the sofa. I took her in my arms, ran my fingers through her dark hair, and gently stroked soothing circles on her back while I whispered in her ear how wonderful and loved she was, and how it was all going to be ok now. Eventually the sobs slowed down to just the occasional small hiccup. I encouraged Santana to lie on the sofa facing me so that I could easily wrap her up in my arms again, and so I could see her face and share her pain. God I wanted to take all of her pain inside myself to shelter her from it if I could.

But the only thing I could do was listen.

Listen as she told me how she told her father to stop where he was.

Told him that he needed to leave.

That if he took another step towards the pool house where our son was then she promised him she would shoot him.

And that she would do it.

She would kill to keep Cody safe.

But he wouldn't listen.

He taunted her and called her weak and a coward, and then a traitor for loving her son and me.

He made a mistake.

He didn't believe she would keep her promise.

But she always does.

So when he took a step she fired.

And it wasn't going to be like Noah or even The Prophet.

No.

One shot right to his head and he dropped.

She said she wasn't going to take any chances.

That she had to do it.

I just took her in my arms and held her gently when she finished.

I rocked her back and forth as she cried like I did with our son if he was sad. I told her how brave she was to do what she did. How much I loved her. How wonderful I thought she was for keeping our son safe. I pressed kisses to her tear stained face and told her over and over how proud I was of her, and how she had done the right thing for her family.

Eventually the tears stopped and we lay in silence just breathing each other in and out. Her arms clutched at the shirt I was wearing pulling me close, and mine gently stroked random abstract patterns over the skin I had uncovered on her lower back.

When her breathing slowed down and got deeper I know that she had cried herself to sleep. I wasn't sure what was going to happen next with Santana, Quinn, Beth, or hell really anything actually. But I know that right at this moment I could make it ok for the woman I loved. I could hold her and keep her safe from her fears like she had with me so many times.

And so I did.

As creepy and as weird as it may sound I watched her while she slept. If creases started to form on her forehead, I kissed them away before they could develop. If her breathing quickened, or her body tensed I whispered into her ear how much I loved her and that she was safe, and it would all be all right.

I took care of her, the way she had always taken care of me.

It felt nice.

It made me feel good that I could do something so simple for her.

I almost laughed when I realized that, that's probably how she feels when I let her do stuff for me.

Fuck I really need to complain less and let her just take care of me if I need it.

After about an hour had passed I started to get uncomfortable and I knew I had to wake Santana up. She would be angry, ok angry is not the right word, but she would be upset with me if I let myself hurt too much when I could simply make it better by taking my painkillers.

I pressed a series of butterfly kisses to the tip of her nose, and then across her cheeks, giggling when she wrinkled her nose up and pouted before her eyes blinked open and she yawned.

"God you're beautiful." I just sort of breathed out, and felt myself blush red at my lack of filter.

I hadn't meant to say that out loud.

Although it was true.

When she pressed her face into the side of my neck pushing me back against the sofa a little firmer I winced and she quickly pulled away.

"You're in pain?" Santana said suddenly sounding and acting wide-awake.

"A little." I admitted quietly.

"Can I help you into the bathroom and then we can get ready for bed?" She offered, her hand reached out and brushed strands of my hair away from my face and I leant into her touch enjoying the sensation of her fingers brushing lightly across my skin.

"That sounds great."

The bedroom was dark except for the nightlight Santana had found for me. Quinn and Beth were sleeping on the sofa bed curled up together, and I had taken the time to make sure that the sheets were pulled up around them before walking over to my son and giving him a kiss on his forehead and whispering "sweet dreams" to him.

Cody was in the small bed besides us that Santana had ordered for him after my release from the hospital. We had a little discussion about the bed staying in the room with us for now, although I know that eventually our son would get a room of his own, even though it would be directly connected to our one. Right now we weren't in a rush for that to happen, but I know it will one day soon. Maybe sooner than two of us are ready for? Cody and I had barely spent a night apart by choice since he had be born, but I was coming to terms with the fact that practically the three of us couldn't share a room together forever.

I smiled in the semi-darkness at Santana as she settled on the bed and opened her arms out to me. It took a little adjusting but I finally found a position to be comfortable in her arms, my uninjured leg was draped across her thigh, her arms were wrapped gently around me.

I felt so safe.

"Goodnight my love." Santana whispered, and I felt a kiss pressed to the top of my head.

"Goodnight darling." I replied and I could almost feel the smile as I pressed a kiss to her collarbone.

I was a little worried about what tomorrow would bring, but right now all I wanted to do was sleep, and not dream.

I hope tonight I get my wish.


	19. Chapter 18

Authors note: Another week, another update. Enjoy.

Chapter 18

It's been three weeks since that day and we're still slowly recovering from it.

We buried Mike two and a half weeks ago in a quiet service. I had debated over telling Cody or not, and in the end Santana and I had decided on no. He'd had enough to cope with without knowing that Mike was dead too. I wanted to protect him from this life as much as possible because of things like this, and well this was one thing I could do.

Two days later we buried Noah.

It was a day of tears, but strangely also of laughter as Noah had some pretty wacky requests in his will such as a bouncy house for kids, and lime green jello shots for adults at his wake. Absolutely no wearing of the color black by anyone on the day, in fact only the colors blue, pink, and for some strange reason orange were allowed to be worn which made for some wacky looking outfits.

The day after the service Quinn and Beth moved downstairs, although we still saw them every day, and started making a habit of eating at least one meal together. It was nice though to have a little more privacy, and time to ourselves. Especially when at the end of that week we had a service for Raul Lopez.

I know its kind of weird to have a service for him especially as Santana was responsible for his death, although I guess he was the one primarily responsible for it actually.

A fact that we didn't make widely known.

Instead Santana had a few of the key business leaders invited along, and the word went around that it was an Irish mob hit on her father while he was coming to visit us and meet his grandson. I didn't want Cody or myself in the spotlight, but it was inevitable that we would be.

God the service made me feel like I was in a fucking glass case being stared at. It was a lot like how it first felt when Santana and I got together, everyone had to see us together; everyone wanted to talk to me, maybe find out what all the fuss was about? I don't know. All I know is that when all those men started looking at me I got frightened, and eventually Santana got pissed off and told them to stop looking if they wanted to keep their testicles attached to their body.

That worked, and finally I felt like I could breathe again.

After that service was over we started trying to put that day behind us. We would have quiet time as a family learning about each other. I adored watching Santana and Cody build a strong relationship, she was so patient and just all around wonderful with him.

There was a day about a week ago when it was just Cody and I alone together. I was giving him a bath and playing with all the bathtub toys when he looked up at me with those light brown eyes and said. "Mommy Tana my mama?" I nodded my head at him, and he grinned at me "I love her." He said and went back to playing with his toys.

And after I stopped feeling like I might cry, I just grinned back at him, ruffled his hair and said "She loves you too baby." And I thought that was it.

But later that day Cody, Santana and myself were lying on the bed watching a movie, Cody was cuddled between us, and he turned to Santana and said, "I love you mama." And then turned back to the movie. I watched as Santana's jaw just sort of dropped, her eyes were wide and she looked shocked. I could see her take a deep breath and then she looked at me with a 'is this really real' look on her face and I leant over our son so I could kiss her lips quickly, and smiled at her.

"I love you too Cody." Santana said and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "Wow." I heard her sigh the last word and giggled at her. Cody's love was a pretty awesome thing.

Then we all went back to watching the movie, although I think life felt a little bit brighter.

Anyway today is a special day.

Cody turns three today, and I'm not sure who's more excited, him, Santana, or me. I think it's probably me as I'm the only one awake right now. Cody is still sleeping in his own bed; he's doing very well in it and loves the room that we are starting to decorate for him. We try and use it every day to play in right now so that it feels familiar to him when it's time for him to sleep there.

I'm curled up next to Santana.

In the past few weeks my body has started to heal. The soft cast came off my arm a few days ago, and although I'm not even close to being able to pick Cody up which still upsets me, I can at least pick up a few little things…and itch my forearm which feels fucking magnificent I'm not going to lie. My ribs are feeling good, and it doesn't hurt to move much anymore. It's just my leg left to go, and Doctor Pillsbury says another two weeks or so for that, of course then I'll have physical therapy so I'm not sure if I should be happy about that or not.

Well my leg…and um my head to go.

Fuck I'm so messed up.

I feel a like I'm going a little crazy. I want Santana close to me, I really do. But then we get a little close and I freeze and have to push her away. I think it's driving us both nuts although she's being nice enough not to say anything to me about it. Quinn says to give myself time. God she doesn't get it. We take showers together, sleep together, we've even slow danced together, although that was more swaying than dancing, and there are times when holy shit do we make out. But then it's like sometimes something just reminds me and I can't shake it off.

Like last night. We were lying in bed and I started to kiss her. Really kiss her. And it felt good. So fucking good. God I actually wanted her to touch me, to do more than touch me, and we were kissing so deep. But then she rolled us over so that she was on top and that was it. I just couldn't'. I froze, and she quickly stopped and apologized.

It kills me that she apologizes.

I want it to be easy again.

I want her to be the only thing I can think about.

I don't want to be scared any more.

Carefully I untangle myself from Santana's arms and climb out of bed. Normally if I was this confused or angry, fuck am I angry? Yes I guess I am. Normally I'd dance. Do something, anything to take my mind off things. Instead because of my leg I am forced to do something easier and in the end to decide that I really need to do some activity at least so I'm going to go and swim.

I change quickly into a pale blue bathing suit, and throw on a large baggy t-shirt over the top of it. The ground should still be cool enough that I won't burn the bottom of my feet outside being barefoot so I quietly tiptoe out of the room. Jake Puckerman is standing guard a few steps outside the door and he frowns when he sees me by myself.

"I need to swim." I say quietly, and he just nods before talking into his radio and demanding that someone escort me to the pool. I think he really wanted to stop me from going, or at least find out if Santana knew I was, but I didn't have the patience to wait. Instead I quickly made my way downstairs, and outside. A man in a suit wearing sunglasses acted as my shadow as I made my way to the pool. I tried my best to ignore his presence, especially as I slipped off the baggy t-shirt I was wearing and then dove into the pool.

The water was cool, and felt great on my skin. I gave myself a few seconds to get used to it before I started to swim. Easy at first before I swam faster, and faster. Soon my arms were burning, and my breath was coming in rapid pants but I didn't stop. I needed this, just so I could forget for one moment.

I don't know how long I was swimming or how many laps I had done when I suddenly crashed into something that shouldn't have been there. It took me a second to realize that it was Santana's body. She was shouting at me, but my heart was hammering in my ears too loudly for me to make it out. Her hands were on my shoulders and I think she was shaking me, either that or my body was shaking and she was trying to keep me still.

"…You can't fucking do that Brittany, you can't just disappear." Santana shouted at me.

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do." I snapped back, feeling instantly angry again as I put my hands on her shoulders and tried to push away from her.

"Stop." Santana demanded and pulled me into her body. "Just please stop." Her voice broke over the last few words and I realized she was crying.

Fuck.

I was messing everything up so badly.

I wrapped my arms around her body and held her close to me. I could feel her shaking and my anger evaporated.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly into the crook of her neck. "I'm really sorry Santana." And just like that I was the one that started crying, and Santana was suddenly comforting me.

I don't know how long we stood in the pool clinging to each other and crying. I know it was long enough for me to feel really cold, and my muscles were starting to tense up and hurt.

"How about we move to the hot tub?" Santana asked as a shiver went through my body. I quickly nodded and we reluctantly parted just enough to be able to walk towards the steps and climb out of the pool. I noticed that Santana was wearing her pajamas and felt guilty for making her obviously worry and come to find me. I should have left a note, or even better woken her up and let her know. She gave me a wry smile when she noticed my expression. "At least Jake knew where you were and had Ryder watching you." She said trying to make it a joke, "It could have been worse."

We stepped down into the soothing water of the hot tub and I sighed happily feeling instantly warmer. Santana sat down in one of the corners and before I could think about where to sit she pulled me onto her lap. We both sat in silence for a few minutes just taking the time to try and relax. I let my body sink into Santana's, my fingers stroking back and forth along her forearms where she held me around my waist.

"Will you tell me why?" Santana asked, her voice quiet and encouraging, and I sighed happily at the kiss I felt pressed against the side of my neck.

Of course the smile disappeared as I thought about how to answer. When I felt her muscles start to become tense underneath me I knew I had to start talking. "I was angry." I said sounding a little embarrassed at the confession. "Not at first, at first I woke up excited because it's Cody's birthday. But then my brain wouldn't relax, and I always seem to drift to the bad place in my mind, like I can't escape it." Another kiss was placed to my shoulder and her arms gave me a little squeeze. "I want sex."

I heard her inhale sharply at that and then she squirmed a little underneath me.

"I really, really want to make love to you. But as much as the idea excites me, it's terrifying too." The last words were barely a whisper. I took a deep breath to calm myself down because I know I was getting tense, and continued. "I'm fed of up of feeling this way Santana. I just really needed a moment when I was in control of how I made my body feel."

"First of all, wanky." Santana said and I giggled, any tension that had built up in me melted. "And second of all I think I have an idea on how to help." These words were practically purred into my ear, and I bit my bottom lip at how hearing them made me feel. "We can talk about that more tonight. Because as much as I'd love to talk about it right now, we should probably go and wake our son up with his birthday breakfast." The last part was said almost regretfully, and then another kiss was placed on my shoulder.

Before we could stand up I spun carefully around in Santana's lap, took her face in my hands and kissed her. After a few seconds I pulled away, smiling at the dazed look on her face, and loving that I put it there. Before carefully standing up and holding my hand out to her. "Let's go then." I said with a teasing grin, and waited for her to join me.

Back at the house we quickly grabbed the tray of food that chef had prepared, and made our way upstairs. My leg was starting to hurt and I limped ever so slightly knowing that I had already overdone it for the day, maybe with a little rest this morning it would all be ok again soon? Either way I wasn't going to take painkillers today and risk sleeping away Cody's birthday.

I think we both breathed a sigh of relief when we found Cody still sleeping. I would have hated him to wake up all alone, and be afraid. The thought gave me a flickering of shame for making Santana feel like that, before squashing it down because it was Cody's birthday and damn it I was going to try really hard to be happy the whole day…or because I've already failed at that, how about the whole time he's awake?

We quickly hurried to the bathroom to get dry and slip on some pajamas, and then I sat down on the side of Cody's bed and started to gently stroke through his hair. It made me smile when his nose wrinkled up and his eyes started to blink open at my touch. When his eyes finally focused on me he grinned showing of his toothy smile, I simply grinned right back.

"Happy birthday baby." I said, and leant down pressing a kiss on the tip of his nose, making him giggle.

"Yay. Thanks mommy." Cody said still giggling as I pulled funny faces at him.

Santana sat down beside me on the bed and quickly pressed her own kiss to Cody's face. "Happy birthday Cody." She said and ruffled his hair giving him a big smile of her own.

Looked like the good mood was infectious.

We had a wonderful breakfast on the balcony in the sunshine. Just the three of us. Lots of laughter and the best company ever. Cody loved it. I could tell. His eyes were huge, and his smile didn't leave his face once.

Santana and I had discussed presents for Cody for the past week or so, I didn't want her to go overboard, he wasn't used to it, and I really didn't want him to be spoilt. But Santana argued that she had time to make up for. I simply argued back that she couldn't buy her son, and then her face had gone dark and she had left the room for about an hour. When she came back she smelt of gunpowder residue and sweat, she had a single white rose in her hand which she handed me, gave me a kiss, and said I was right.

Of course being right didn't stop Cody's eyes from bugging out of his head when Santana carried in his presents.

"Mine?" He asked with a frown on his face even as he clapped his hands together at the brightly wrapped packages.

"Yes all of them." I smiled indulgently and laced my fingers together with Santana's as we watched Cody carefully peel open tape and remove the paper.

"Actually I have a present for you too." Santana whispered into my ear, and then pressed a kiss to my temple.

I turned to face her and she smiled and gave me a little shrug.

"I wanted to get something special for you too, as you gave me my son on this day three years ago." She said, a faint blush highlighting her cheeks.

I was torn away from my staring, because fuck she is just so perfect, by Cody's shout of "Mommy, mama look!" As he held up a wooden train set.

"Oh that looks so much fun baby." I said when he ran over with it in his hands to show me.

"We play?" He asked looking excitedly between Santana and myself.

"Of course." Santana said. "But don't you want to see what else you got?"

"Yay." Cody shouted as he ran back to open the rest of his gifts.

I pressed myself into Santana's side, sighing happily when her arm came around me and pulled me a little closer to her. We watched as a very excited Cody opened up Lego building blocks, a scooter, several storybooks, and a Tonka truck. With each present he opened he would come back and show it to us before running back to open the next one. Then when they were all opened I could see the indecision on his face on what to play with first, and just smiled harder because it's hard not to when he is just so happy.

"Thank you mommy. Thank you mama." Cody shouted and ran over to hug us both.

"You're welcome baby." I said giving him another hug and kiss. I'd missed being able to do this without it hurting.

Cody decided to play with his gifts in the order he opened them in and Santana and I helped him assemble the wooden train track so that he could play. When he was finally happily pushing his train around the oval making adorable little train noises Santana pulled me back into her arms and kissed me. "Don't you want your present?" She said her mouth so close to me that her breath tickled my ear.

"Uh, y-yeah." I managed to stutter out feeling my face heat up in a blush at my less than eloquent answer.

"Ok, close your eyes."

I did, although I had to clench my hands into fists to stop them shaking when I heard noises around me.

"Open them." Santana said quietly.

And I did.

Fuck.

Ok so I was not expecting to see this.

Santana was on crouched down in front of me, dangling a key chain in her hand that held a shiny silver and black key.

A new car.

By the emblem on the key fob I was the owner of another Audi.

"You don't like it." Santana said after a few seconds of me simply staring at her.

"It's too much." I said simply, because it was. We had a discussion about how she couldn't spoil Cody for his birthday but then she went ahead and bought me a forty thousand plus dollar car. I know I had one in the past, but I guess I am in no way used to living like this again.

"I know you got rid of the last one." Santana spoke slowly and calmly, her eyes gazing into mine. "I also know you loved that car. I wanted to get you something that you'd love."

"You could have given me flowers and I would have been happy." I said honestly. "I love you."

"I love you too." She replied and then looked disappointed. "Does this mean I have to take the car back?" Her lower lip pouted out, and she honest to God batted her eyes at me.

My head tilted back and I laughed.

She's just too adorable for words.


	20. Chapter 19

Authors Note: First of all I'm very sorry for the delay, I had a horridly busy semester of college and also lost inspiration for this story at the same time. Not a great combination. Anyway, thank you for all the lovely reviews and PM's that prodded me to continue, and I am back with a brand new update. Yay. Not sure what I really think of it, but at least I am trying to get back into the swing of things. As always let me know your thoughts and thanks again.

Chapter 19

The rest of Cody's birthday went by too quickly. I can't believe my little boy is three years old. Where has the time gone? I sat beside him on his bed while he fell asleep and, even after his breathing had become deeper I stayed just gently stroking his hair and looking at him.

Eventually I moved away and over to our bed where Santana lay waiting for me, but pretending like she wasn't waiting as she read a book. I knew she was waiting though, waiting and watching me because I'd been watching her occasionally, and she was still on the same page she had been on for at least ten minutes now. That and the book was put rapidly down on the side table when I approached. A smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I lay down beside her in the bed and tried to get comfortable. The smile became a happy little sigh when she pulled me in to her body so that I was draped across her and her hands could run up and down my back.

I don't feel so nervous when I'm on top and can have a little control I've found, and Santana obviously noticed that when she smiled back at me.

"I think he had a great birthday." Santana said, as her hands continued to ever so gently run up and down my back. The material of my top is pulled up slightly on each pass and my eyes widen when I feel her fingers brush against my exposed skin.

It feels…good.

It does.

But I can also feel in the back of my mind the start of the nerves building too.

I close my eyes and try to squash my worries down, but Santana's hands immediately stop and my eyes blink open again.

"Don't do that." She says quietly. "You need to stay with me." Her head comes off the pillow and she presses her lips against mine in a kiss that starts off slow, but quickly gets out of hand.

I'm panting by the time I pull away from her lips, and I have to rest my forehead against hers and concentrate on breathing to slow my heart back down.

"You said you had an idea." I say quietly to break the silence a few minutes later. We have been resting against each other, and I had been enjoying how it felt to be held again.

"I do." Santana said equally quietly as her arms held me a little tighter.

"So?"

"Oh I'm not telling yet." Santana teased and I huffed out a sigh. "First we need to get Cody sleeping in his own room, and I want you to have the cast off your leg too. I don't want any interruptions or reminders." She continued and I know she was smiling from the tone of her voice.

It took another month before Santana's criteria was fulfilled. Cody took to having his own room surprisingly well, I think I actually found it harder than he did really. Then the day my cast was removed we spent a fun filled family day in the pool. Even Quinn and Beth joined us, and I found myself being able to relax and enjoy myself with my family around me.

That night after Cody was sleeping in his room, nightlight plugged in and casting a subtle glow around his bedroom I pulled the door closed with a quiet click, the bed slowly unbuttoning the charcoal colored silk shirt she was wearing stood Santana. I leant back on the doorframe and enjoyed the view, as she slipped the shirt from her shoulders before reaching for the belt.

Fuck she's so sexy.

She must have realized I was watching her as her eyes met mine and she grinned at me, before beckoning me forward by crooking one finger in my direction. I actually think I legitimately stumbled in my haste to make it to her side as the black leather belt was tossed onto the floor, and the button of her pants was opened.

"Breathe baby." Santana said, her voice quiet and husky as she directed my hands to take over the task of sliding down the zip on her pants.

Breathe? Yeah right.

My hands were trembling as they slipped the pants down smooth, muscular legs, and I couldn't really tell if it was anticipation or a little bit of fear. When her hand cupped my jaw I flinched away a little before releasing a heavy sigh at my actions and pressing a soft kiss to her hand in apology.

Santana's hands then took over what mine had stopped doing, and she slowly took off the rest of her clothes.

I stared.

Fuck, you would too ok?

Then I looked down at the floor, unable to meet her eyes.

The air….everything…it felt heavy with anticipation. With sex and desire. It wasn't the dark kind of heavy that I had felt with him, when I knew what he was going to do to me and couldn't stop it, but I did feel powerless to stop this too, even though I didn't honestly want to.

God, does that even make sense?

"Brittany, look at me." Santana asked and I obeyed quickly meeting her eyes. "I want you to control what happens next."

I felt my eyebrows scrunched up as I wondered how she was going to do that.

The answer quickly became evident when Santana held out a white strip of cloth, put it in my hands, lay down on the bed and then placed her hands above her head near the bedframe slats.

Holy fuck.

Uh.

"I want you to have control over me Brittany." Her voice was so rough sounding, and so very sexy that I felt my thighs clench together just at the tone of it.

This wasn't something we had tried before, well not this way around. I did have very enjoyable memories of when Santana had done something like this to me though, and it was those memories that I clung to as I tentatively wrapped the cloth around her wrists and secured them to the wooden slats.

"Can you undress for me?" Santana asked, her eyes were so dark and watching every move I made as I sat nervously beside her, unsure of what my next move would be.

At her prompting I hesitantly started to undress. However as I watched how she reacted to my every move instead of feeling more nervous, I began to feel even more comfortable. I could just tell how much she wanted this, wanted me, but yet she was willing to do this for me, to let me take my time. It made me feel strangely calm.

When I was completely naked, and Santana's eyes were as large and as dark as I had ever seen them before, I lay down beside her on the bed. Leaning over her, but still not touching I placed a soft kiss on her lips. Her mouth immediately opened and she moaned, the sound bringing a smile to my lips as I quickly deepened the kiss and finally pressed my body into hers.

It felt so good.

I'd missed the feel of her against me. I can't believe that I'd actually forgotten how soft her skin is. How just touching her can make my body feel like little sparks are shooting off it.

We're both panting when I pull away from the kiss, my lips trailing their way down her neck to rest in the hollow there where her neck and shoulder meet, that delicate hollow. I gently suck on her skin, loving the way her body arches up into my touch, impossibly taunt already. By the time my trail of kisses reaches the slope of her breast she is repeating the word please over, and over.

Her response to my touch makes me feel like a god.

So fucking powerful.

So amazing.

I can feel my heart pounding with excitement in my chest as I gently lick across her nipple, and then pull away. I actually laugh when Santana groans, and her body bends upwards even more trying to follow me.

I forgot this was fun.

Exciting.

I allow myself time to play with her breasts, teasing her with gentle, feather soft kisses, licks, and bites. I have no idea how much time passes, but when I pull away her body is coated with a thin sheen of sweat and she is breathing heavily.

I know she's aroused.

I can see how aroused she is.

It looks almost painful.

I know I'm aroused too.

I have been since we first kissed, as it's been building since then.

When she sighs out, "Please Brittany." Again, her voice cracking on my name I make my next move swinging my leg over her hips, until I am sitting astride, and staring down at her. I feel her buck up into me, and grin at the move no longer afraid.

"Uh-uh." I shake my head at her and smile even wider when she bites her lip and nods her head in understanding.

I have the control here.

I reward her by starting up a slow rhythm, rubbing myself against her.

So good.

It all feels so good.

"Fuck." I gasp as I press even harder down onto her.

"Please." Santana begs, her hands are clenched into fists and I know she really wants to touch me right now.

And god help me I want that too.

I want her hands grabbing onto my hips.

I want her fingers twisting up in my hair pulling me in to a harder kiss.

I want her.

I lean forward and quickly undo her the white cloth binding her hands down.

"Are you sure?" Santana asks as soon as her hands are free.

I nod frantically, and barely get out the word "Yes." Before her hands are in my hair and we are kissing. It's sloppy and a little out of control…ok a lot out of control, but it feels amazing. Now given permission Santana runs her hands up and down my back and it's my turn to flex and arch into her touch. When they reach around my front and cup my breasts I sit up and throw my head back, my hips are still pressing down into her and its all becoming too much.

Not too much in a stop I'm scared kind of way.

But too much in a fuck if she isn't in me soon I'm going to come without her kind of way.

Her fingers pinch my nipples and I press myself forward more into her hands. When she leans forward and engulfs one of my breasts in her mouth, my hands thread into her hair and pull her head closer to me.

I need more.

"Please." I sigh as she switches sides to give the other breast equal attention.

Oh God, I don't think I can hold on for much longer.

"Please." I sigh again.

I must have sounded desperate because Santana quickly pulls back, and murmurs. "Hold it." And quickly kisses me again. And then she pulls away from me, and there is a quick moment of readjusting before I feel her press into me.

I moan at the feeling of her inside of me, and Santana quickly pauses. When she sees the look in my eyes though she carefully presses the rest of the way inside and pauses again.

"You feel so good Britt." She manages to say, withdrawing slightly before pushing in again.

I can only resort to nodding. My ability to speak flew out of the window as soon as she entered me. All I could do was press down into her body, helping create the rhythm that was quickly driving me insane.

Her hands were on my hips, and then cupping my backside, her nails scraping gently across my skin making me sigh and redouble my effort. I could feel it building inside me even more, but I reached that moment of doubt.

You know the one.

The one when you think you might not actually get there.

When everything feels so beyond what you can control and contain that you become a little frantic and desperately try to grasp at it.

My body was driving down into her thrusts at a rapid pace now, but it still didn't feel enough. My hands were clutching at her shoulders, and I felt at a loss on how to push through and just release it all.

And then suddenly Santana rolled us until she was on top. The fast change in position threw me for a second and I froze before she breathed against my ear. "Just relax baby, I'll get you there." And started to move again.

My legs wrapped around her hips, pressing her closer, and my hands continued to grip at her shoulders possibly leaving bruises but I don't think either of us cared. Because Santana thrust forward and hit that spot in me that made it impossible for me to hold on to what was building inside me anymore. I think I managed to moan her name, and had just enough awareness to not scream it out, and not wake up Cody, before I was coming in huge waves. All I could do was hold onto her, knowing that Santana would keep me safe.

I felt her come inside me, the feeling triggering little aftershocks of my orgasm to run through my body.

Our lips met again, lingering against each others.

Soft.

Slow.

Perfect.

I felt Santana slip out of me and frowned at the loss. But smiled when she turned and pulled me into her embrace, placing kisses to the top of my head.

"I love you so much Brittany." Her voice still sounded raspy, but I could hear how happy she sounded as well.

"I love you too." I replied, and heard Santana chuckle as I yawned.

My eyes blinked closed.

Today had been a good day.


	21. Chapter 20

Authors note: I am SO sorry for the delay in this story. If you lived my life these past months you'd realize why I haven't updated as I've been so busy. I also had terrible writers block, not that it is surprising as Glee hasn't given us a lot to work with for some time. I can assure you I haven't given up on this story. I actually have the next part half written already. Thank you so much for your reviews, alerts and PM's, you all are my inspiration to write, and I won't abandon you for so long again.

Chapter 20

It's strange that we didn't talk about it.

We talked about everything else, and I mean everything else. From what were some of the things we did while we had been apart, to what our hopes for the future were. And somewhere along the way we just sort of skipped a step, I think we both just unconsciously decided to let nature take its course.

I guess in a way it shouldn't have been a surprise when one morning a few months later when we were sat down eating breakfast together, that I had the feeling. The feeling of wanting to throw up everything I had ever eaten in my life before.

But it was.

I hadn't remembered what it felt like early on when I was pregnant with Cody. I had been sick most mornings for the first trimester at least, but somehow that had faded from my mind. So, when I ran for the bathroom and preceded to vomit, I didn't really put two and two together. Neither did Santana. She was holding my hair back with one hand; rubbing my back with the other, and cursing the pizza we had eaten the night before. Because of course everyone throws up like this after eating a plain cheese pizza.

When I had decided that I felt like I could move without incident again, I was swept up into Santana's arms and carried back to bed. I spent the day being waited on by Santana, and cuddled up to by Cody. Even Quinn and Beth came upstairs to make sure I was okay.

I had actually protested the treatment and claimed to be fine. I mean I felt a little off, and that whole throwing up thing had been unpleasant, but actually if I was going to lie in bed all day I had other things on my mind. Things that involved just Santana and myself with clothes as an option, all right if I am honest then maybe also some chocolate syrup.

The next day I was sick again, and that day pretty much followed the pattern of the day before. We both think now that I have one of those twenty-four or forty-eight hour bugs.

Of course we were wrong.

However when the third day started with me in the unfortunately familiar position of hanging onto the toilet bowl things changed. Santana decided that it was time to see Doctor Pillsbury. I didn't feel up to travelling in a moving vehicle for any length of time and, so Santana had ordered the Doctor to come and make a house call.

And that's what we were waiting on right now.

I'm lying in bed, still feeling a little green and definitely under the weather.

Santana is making me feel dizzy as I watch her pace the length of the bedroom back and forth, her hands stuffed into the pockets of her pants and a scowl on her face because it's been fifteen minutes, and the doctor still hasn't arrived.

Cody is thankfully downstairs playing with Beth and being entertained by Quinn, just in case its something contagious, and no one wants a three-year old throwing up too.

When a knock sounds on the bedroom door, Santana moves so quickly that my head spins and I sink back into the cushion with a stifled groan. I'm sure I look a particularly fetching shade of white, or maybe even green right now.

"Good morning Brittany, what seems to be the problem today?" Doctor Pillsbury says as she sits down on the bed beside me, Santana is quick to take up residence on my other side and gently hold my hand.

"I haven't been able to eat anything for two days or so without it appearing again." I say, a little embarrassed that she has been ordered in for this.

"Ok, so what did you last eat and when?" The doctor asks while reaching out to hold my wrist and take my pulse.

"Pizza on Monday night." Santana quickly says.

"Have you been able to keep fluids down?" There's a frown on the doctor's face when she says this, and it deepens when I shake my head. "Okay so I'd like to start some fluid first. Can you roll up your sleeve so I can take your blood pressure, just as a baseline and then I can run an IV for you."

It turns out to be easier to take the hoodie off I am wearing than to roll up the sleeve enough, I wince a little when the back of Santana's fingers brush against my breasts. They're feeling all sorts of sensitive, which makes sense because my period hasn't been for….

Well fuck.

Now I've put two and two together and things are starting to make sense.

I blush and look down at the hoodie in my hands as the doctor takes my blood pressure, her frown even more pronounced afterwards, and so she takes it again pumping the sleeve thing up even tighter.

"Ouch." I flinch at how hard my arm is being squeezed.

"Sorry. It's just your blood pressure is very low. You're definitely dehydrated."

"Does she need to be in a hospital?" Santana asks, squeezing my hand tightly and sounding a little panicked.

"No." I protest at the same time that doctor Pillsbury says she thinks it would be a good idea, especially as we don't know what we're dealing with.

"But I think I know what's wrong." I interrupt them before they can go any further and decide to take me to the hospital right now. Both of them turn and stare at me, and I can feel my face heating up in a blush.

"It's the pizza isn't it?" Santana says when I don't speak straight away.

"Um no. I think I'm um pregnant."

And now it's Santana's turn to look pale, and her mouth is also hanging open as she just stares at me with her eyes wide.

"Well we can certainly do a test and find out. But first I still want to get your blood pressure up." Doctor Pillsbury says before standing up and leaving the room, I'm assuming it's to go and get her IV things.

"Pregnant?" Santana says quietly as the bedroom door clicks shut. She's looking down and her hair has fallen forward covering her face.

"I think so." I say equally quietly, I sound a little unsure too. I thought Santana would be pleased and this is not the reaction I was thinking I would get.

"Pregnant." She says again, and now I hate that I really can't see her face.

I hear her sigh and feel her let go of my hand, and my stomach drops and rolls. I'm seconds away from sprinting to the bathroom again when she finally turns and faces me.

The biggest smile ever is on her face.

Instantly I feel better and smile back.

"Britt, that's like the best news ever." She says and I can hear the excitement in her voice. She leans forward and kisses me, even when I try to pull away because no one really wants to be kissed when they've been throwing up. "Are you happy?" She asks one of her hands cupping my face gently, while the other hand lets go of mine, and carefully travels until it comes to rest on my abdomen.

"I think I am." I say after considering it for a few seconds. My lips are curved up into a little smile and one of my hands rests on top of hers over where our baby is growing. "I haven't really let it sink in yet just in case." I admit quietly even though I'm really pretty convinced, now that I finally figured it out. "You did want another child right?" I ask needing confirmation that this was ok, if I really was pregnant.

"Brittany." Santana said quietly and we looked into each other's eyes. "I want nothing more than to have another child with you. A little brother or sister for Cody. To have our family grow. I love you so much baby."

The door to the bedroom burst open and Doctor Pillsbury hurried back in carrying her equipment. I smiled at the annoyed expression on Santana's face from being interrupted, and settled back on the cushions on the bed to try to get comfortable.

I watched with Santana by my side, as an IV catheter was placed in the back of my hand, flinching only a little when the needle went in. "This is a banana bag." The doctor explained as she hung up the yellow bag of fluid, and set it up so that it was running into my hand.

I giggled over the name and Santana squeezed my free hand.

"Its got electrolytes and things in that are important, that you probably lost when you were sick. I'm going to run this in, and then a bag of normal saline to just give your blood volume a boost and bring your pressure back up." She explained efficiently doing her job. "Ok I need your other arm so I can draw some blood."

"Is it safe? You just said her volume was low." Santana questioned refusing to move and let go of my arm.

"Perfectly Ms. Lopez. I only need a few small vials to run some tests." Doctor Pillsbury said with a smile, and Santana moved reluctantly aside. My arm was cleaned thoroughly and then three small vials of blood were drawn, I winced at the feel of the needle entering and exiting, it's not something I've ever been comfortable with. I might even be worse after my last hospitalization because I remember it all hurting so much. My body tenses up at the memory, and I feel my stomach roll in warning.

"Oh no." I hear Santana say and I'm pretty sure I've gone pale as a sheet again.

A trashcan was hastily placed in front of me and I made good use of it as Santana held my hair back, and gently rubbed my back.

"Oh dear." The doctor said quietly as I continued to retch into the bucket, only bringing up small amounts of bile because my stomach had been empty for quite sometime. "I really would prefer to see you hospitalized until we can get this under control." She said.

And that was it.

Santana and the doctor made plans around me as I lay feeling terrible on the bed. I wasn't asked, I was told. And with each new thing said I could feel my anger building. If I honestly thought I could manage it, I would have ripped my IV out and marched out of the room. But I did feel lousy and instead just quietly seethed on the mattress.

I must have looked angry, because Santana had the nerve to say, "Come on Britt, its what's best for the baby." And I snapped.

I didn't even really mean to say it. I was just so angry that they were making decisions about me without asking. And Santana knows how much I hate being in the hospital. And feeling powerless. Anyway, so I snapped. "I think after going through this all alone last time, and managing just fine, I know what's best for this baby." I watched as Santana's eyes went dark and angry, her hands clenched tightly into fists at her side, and she turned and stormed out of the bedroom.

Well fuck.

"Doctor Pillsbury, can you please find Santana and bring her back." I quietly asked the doctor who just nodded her head at me and then left.

The yellow banana bag continued to drip into my hand, with each drip I felt sadder though as it just measured the time that I was alone, and that I had hurt Santana for. I don't even know why I said it, I was angry over my decisions and opinion were being ignored yes, but I never wanted Santana to feel like…like her decision and opinions were being ignored. Ok so maybe I did mean to say it to make Santana feel like I was feeling? But that was pretty petty, and I really didn't think I acted like that. Stupid hormones already messing with me. Yep, I had forgotten the fun rollercoaster of pregnancy that was for sure.

There was a soft tapping on the door, and then Doctor Pillsbury's head appeared around the side of it, she looked a little nervous, and when she finally entered the room alone I realized why. Santana wasn't with her. "I'm sorry, I couldn't find her." She apologized, and made her way over to the bed. I watched as she checked the now almost empty bag, and then switched it over for a bag of clear liquid this time. "Are you feeling any better?" She asked, her hand was resting on my wrist and I realized she must have been checking my pulse rate.

I waited for her to let go of my wrist before I spoke, but I noticed that she was still frowning, so not happy. "Honestly still a little queasy, and maybe dizzy too." I admitted.

"How long did your nausea last with your last pregnancy, and was it this severe?" The doctor asked.

I tried to think back to what it was like last time. Even though it was only a few years ago, it felt like a lifetime ago. "I remember feeling sick most mornings for the first few months. But it was different than now." I tried to explain the changes. "I was running away from the Lopez family, and I'd left the only person who I'd ever loved…so I was pretty devastated about that, and terrified too. But I also knew I had to work and earn money so I just did what I had to anyway." I shrugged my shoulders not really explaining very well what I had gone through in those months.

It had been terrible to be without Santana. To feel afraid all of the time, of every little thing. Suddenly the feeling of loneliness and fear morphed, to what was easily the most terrible time in my life, and I went immediately tense. My chest felt tight, and I started to panic.

Oh God.

I needed Santana.

I couldn't breathe.

I could hear Doctor Pillsbury saying something to me, her voice getting louder, and louder. But I couldn't control the panic anymore. A tiny fragment of myself was angry because I thought I had dealt with this, and could cope better now. But I guess I just wasn't used to handling situations alone.

A needle pierced the top of one of my arms, and my brain went even fuzzier. Not being able to even see clearly made me panic even more. When someone grabbed my arms and pinned me down I started to fight back. More pressure was applied to my hands and my legs keeping me still even though now I was thrashing about trying so hard to fight back. Another needle pierced my other arm and this one made the world go black.

A hand brushed through my hair, and I flinched away from the touch. I tried to say, "Please don't hurt me." But my throat hurt, and I still felt fuzzy.

"What the hell happened here?" I could hear Santana ask, and I struggled to open my eyes, so happy that she was here because that meant I was safe.

"I gave her a mild sedative because she was panicking, but it just made her even more agitated so I had to sedate her further to keep her safe." That was Doctor Pillsbury's voice.

"Is that safe for the baby? I mean if she is pregnant."

"She is pregnant, I ran a simple blood test. I'm estimating that Brittany is six weeks along. And yes what I gave her is safe. Although I really would recommend that Brittany talks to a professional about her fears so that she's not in this sort of situation again."

"Why did she panic in the first place?" Santana said her voice loud and demanding. Normally this means that she's scared, when she gets that way she likes to face things head on.

There was several seconds of silence after this and I could hear Santana impatiently tapping her foot on the floor.

"Um." Doctor Pillsbury hesitated.

"Well?"

"I believe its because you left. She sent me to find you, and when I said that I couldn't she became agitated and couldn't breathe. It all spiraled out of control from there."

A hand touched my hair again, but this time I didn't flinch because I knew it was Santana's hand. Instead I used all of my strength and awareness to force my body to lean into the touch. "Hey baby." Santana said softly, and I felt a kiss pressed to my forehead. "Can you open your beautiful blue eyes for me?"

I struggled to blink my eyes open, the world spun precariously for me when sunlight hit them, and they quickly closed as I groaned at the jump my stomach gave.

"Do you feel sick?" Santana asked, her voice was still soft, but had more than a hint of worry in it.

When I tried to nod my head wouldn't cooperate, so I tried to say "yes" instead, but it came out more like another groan. Santana of course understood though, and soon I heard her tell the doctor to please give me something. Of course she wasn't that polite.

"I can add this to the IV she's receiving, and then we can try a low dose for the next few months in pills as well. That should help her feel a little better so that she can eat and drink. It's important that she can stay hydrated. Babies put a strain on the mothers blood supply, and we also want the baby to get the nutrients it needs. I'm also going to prescribe her some prenatal vitamins. We'll do a proper check up as soon as Brittany is feeling well enough, but Santana I need you to look after her, and make sure she's eating, drinking, and resting. I can recommend some books for you to read if you want to know what you should expect?"

My eyes blinked open just in time to see the beautiful and grateful smile on Santana's face. Thank god I didn't feel as nauseous this time, as Santana straight away realized I was awake and pulled me into a tight hug. "Don't do that again." She whispered into my neck, and pressed a soft kiss to the skin there.

"S-sorry." I managed to say, resting my head against her shoulder, and breathing in her scent, letting it relax and calm me.

"I'm sorry too." She said, and held me just a little bit tighter.

Doctor Pillsbury took my blood pressure again, as Santana kicked off her shoes and lay back on the bed with me snuggled up in her arms. "That's looking a bit better. How are you feeling?" She removed the IV from my hand and taped a small bandage over it to stop any bleeding.

"Tired." I replied, struggling to keep my eyes open.

"Ok, I'd like to see you in my office tomorrow morning so we can check out the baby. If you don't feel well enough to travel, let me know and I'll come to you. But I'm hoping with the pills, and the fluid that I've given you then you'll start to feel better. Rest up Brittany."

"Thanks Doctor Pillsbury." I said and then yawned, blushing when Santana chuckled at me.

"Yes, thank you." Santana said, although she had already dismissed the doctor and had turned to face me a bit better. "I can't believe we're going to have another baby." She said quietly, and then one of her hands gently rubbed my abdomen over where our tiny baby was growing.

"Uh huh." I agreed, although really I couldn't believe that even for a minute we thought it was food poisoning.

From a plain cheese pizza.

Idiots.

"Why don't you get some more rest, and then when you wake up we can get Cody, and maybe invite Quinn and Beth upstairs too for a small picnic and a movie." Santana suggested, as my eyes blinked closed and I fell into a peaceful and dreamless sleep wrapped up safe and secure in her arms.


End file.
